Undisclosed Desires
by BregoArodShadowfax
Summary: Future!fic: Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long. Finn/Kurt/Blaine
1. Prologue

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now

**Characters/Pairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 1/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 1774  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Prologue**

Kurt Hummel should be happy. He's got admission into one of the most prestigious schools in New York City, a fledgling career as a Broadway performer (backup, but that's not important, although Rachel always seems offended when he labels them as 'just backup dancers'), a warm condo to come home to every night, a healthy sex life, and the most gorgeous boyfriend in the world.

So why is he, after a night of mind-blowingly hot sex, facing away from said boyfriend, fingers curled into the pillow, eyes wide open in the darkness of the room as his breath comes harsh and fast?

It's all because of Finn Hudson.

000

Blaine Anderson should be happy. He's got excellent grades in school, a job that might not be glamorous but, for a student, pays well, a warm condo to come home to every night, a healthy sex life, and the most gorgeous boyfriend in the world.

So why is he, after a night of mind-blowingly hot sex, facing away from said boyfriend, staring at the wall, wondering if his lover is asleep so he can slip out of the room and grab a drink (alcohol. Strong alcohol. God, he's not even legal yet and he's already turning to drink, what does that say about him…)?

It's all because of Finn Hudson.

000

For Kurt it had never really 'started', it had just always _been _there. Ever since freshman year when Finn had taken it upon himself to…not necessarily _stop _the bullying, but at least make it more tolerable. It was the first real act of kindness anybody in a position of school popularity had shown him and it had stuck with him all these years, and now, even as his 21st birthday approaches, those feelings have never gone away.

Diminished, certainly, once Blaine had entered the picture, but Blaine was wonderful and everything he could have wished for except he wasn't _Finn, _and when Kurt moved to New York with Rachel and Finn after high school and left Blaine in Lima for a year, things had started to get a little out of control.

Rachel got more roles than he did…understandably, of course, considering his mannerisms and his voice, although it still irked him to no end: too feminine to be a leading man, too masculine to pass as the female lead, and where did that leave him? Bit parts and comedic sidekicks, neither of which were at all appealing, so when Rachel was off every night to practice, he was generally at home.

With Finn.

Who was lamenting the fact that his girlfriend never had time for him anymore.

…Really, was it any wonder?

Their first time was one of those nights, when Rachel was out at a late rehearsal, and it was one of those horrible clichéd moments where they were both watching television and turned to look at each other at the same time and just _knew_, Finn reaching for him and Kurt climbing into his lap and lips and teeth and tongues and hands and hips, no clothes coming off but the _friction _was heavenly and Finn's forehead was against his shoulder, whining low in his throat as he came and Kurt was powerless to do anything but follow.

They never spoke of it, but more often than not when Rachel was out late they'd find their way into each other's arms and then, after a time, into Kurt's bed, Finn exceedingly gentle with him even though Kurt assured him he could take it, _had _taken it (BlaineBlaineBlaine) and he clawed at Finn's shoulders and howled his name into the darkness as if to affirm that this was _real, _this was _happening, _Blaine was in _Lima, _and Finn groaned his in return against his heated skin, lips mapping out his throat and jaw as they both came utterly apart.

And then Blaine moved to New York, and it should have stopped, would have stopped, except Blaine got almost as many roles as Rachel did and the two of _them _were off all the time, still leaving Finn and Kurt alone.

It didn't stop.

They were careful…_so _careful…and apart from that first night they'd never kissed, preferring to keep it purely physical even though Finn held him in his arms afterward and stared at him, a dopey grin on his face while Kurt tried to keep his eyes open and memorize every bit of the other man.

And then Rachel moved out. Claimed living with three men, even if two of them were gay, was too much and she was going to move in with some girlfriends, which of course signaled the end of 'Finchel' (not that Kurt hadn't seen it coming for _years) _and Finn was moping, needing him more than ever, and Kurt _still _couldn't say no to him.

Which brings them to now. And why he feels dirty and used after sleeping with his own boyfriend. He hears Blaine shift, feels the bed move and pretends to be asleep.

He knows Blaine's going to drink. He's not a fool.

He also knows he should stop him, but he can't find his voice.

The bed is cold now, Kurt still awake as he heard the cupboard slam and liquid sloshing, and he wishes he could own up to everything.

Wishes Finn could hold him, or that Blaine could without him feeling like a cheap whore, but Finn's a bedroom and a world away and he wouldn't go to him with Blaine in the house.

Even though Finn's been…different, the past few times they've had sex. More distant, spacier than normal, and Kurt would almost swear _he _was the guilty one even though he was unattached and had every right to sleep with whom he chose. Plus it wasn't like Blaine and Finn were close enough that Finn would feel guilty for coming between he and Kurt, so…

He falls asleep still thinking about it, cold and lonely, and wonders when everything got so complicated.

000

For Blaine it had happened much differently, but that wasn't surprising, considering how he and Finn got along. It had started out wonderfully, both of them bonding over football and show choir and yes, even Kurt, but somewhere along the way Finn's attitude had changed and he'd become frosty, and Blaine had a feeling it wasn't all to do with the fact that he might get some of the solos or not be able to duet with Rachel every single time.

They were civil, but there was always this wedge between them, and after Blaine and Kurt had started to become sexually active he'd gotten the feeling that Finn had somehow _known _even though he couldn't see Kurt telling him, and he'd always gotten the feeling there was more than met the eye between Finn and Kurt even though he'd never gotten actual proof of it.

The year apart had been hard, yes, but Kurt had come down for major holidays and they'd reacquainted themselves with each other, Blaine complaining that Kurt needed to eat more and Kurt countering that he needed to _stop _eating so he wouldn't grow any more, which Blaine had good-naturedly smacked him for even though secretly he was miffed about how much taller Kurt was.

Still, he had assumed everything was fine, but when he'd gotten to New York there was an odd vibe in the apartment, and when he and Rachel got back from their late practice nights he could always swear he smelt the faint tang of sex in the air under the normal candles and air fresheners Kurt had going all the time.

Still, Kurt was always happy to see him and obliged him easily enough, but more and more often their sex had ended not in cuddling but in facing in opposite directions, and Blaine couldn't for the life of him figure it out.

If Kurt didn't love him anymore, why not just tell him?

…And then Finn had broken up with Rachel.

Kurt, for some reason, was out with her that night and Blaine had had to watch Finn mope around, kicking things and generally acting like a giant five-year-old (and Blaine had said so, which caused Finn to turn to him with blazing eyes and something in his manner, so large and imposing and _dangerous _that Blaine's pants had tightened almost instantly).

How this led to Finn all but tackling him, growling and nipping at his ear and a litany of 'you'll never know how it feels, you've had everything _perfect, _perfect _voice, _perfect _marks, _perfect _boyfriend…' _and Blaine was honestly scared for a few moments before he remembered that this was _Finn, _and Finn was _safe, _and it had been rough and messy and Blaine had had a bruise on his hip he needed to explain away to Kurt for a few days, but when they were finished Finn's head was on his chest, his gasping breaths giving way to desperate sobs, and Blaine had held him and hushed him through the night, so when Kurt had come back the apartment was once again spotless and pristine.

Blaine should have felt guilt, he supposed, and maybe that's what had caused him to find solace in alcohol, but it hadn't stopped there, and every time he and Finn ended up with each other there was always something furtive and guilty in Finn's gaze, like he wanted to say something but couldn't find the words, and Blaine always wanted to ask but something about it would never let him.

What he and Finn had was physical, and that was it. It was often angry, and sometimes rough, but Blaine almost _needed _it and when it was done Finn would leave, head down and if he'd have had a tail it would have been hanging between his legs.

It was wrong, and _so _messed up, and as he swigs vodka straight from the bottle (and God, it burns, but he feels like he deserves it) he wonders if maybe he shouldn't just call things off with Kurt.

But…

_Kurt. _

His beautiful, brilliant, radiant, Kurt. He can't.

He feels dirty, but he _can't _do that. Maybe he's just a coward (the little mind-voice screaming 'Courage!' at him just seems horribly ironic now), but he can't lose Kurt.

He'll stop it with Finn. He's strong enough to do that.

But with the haze of alcohol and the emptiness pooling in his gut, burning and acidic and eating him from the inside, Finn's bedroom door is looking more and more tempting.

He slumps over the table, the bottle slipping from his nerveless fingers, and wonders when everything got so complicated.

**Notes: **

**1. **So, this is the new Finn/Kurt/Blaine fic. It was originally prompted by on tumblr, and it's kind of growing although I really don't know where this one's going to end up. I hope you've enjoyed regardless, and we'll see where this goes :)

**2. **The title comes from a Muse song.


	2. Chapter One

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now

**Characters/Pairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 1/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2097  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter One**

Kurt wakes up cold, shivering under the thin blankets, and realizes that Blaine's never come back.

He's done it before, staying out of the room, but normally he'd still sneak back in at some point, usually smelling of stale alcohol, and curl his body around Kurt's as best he could.

Not this morning, though.

Kurt kicks back the blanket and sits up, stretching, before pulling on a pair of boxers and an old McKinley t-shirt (probably Finn's, but that's not important) and heading to the kitchen, seeing Blaine slumped over the table with an empty bottle of vodka resting by his hand.

"Blaine," he smacks his own hand down on the table, much too hard for the no-doubt-hungover man, but this wasn't the first time.

Far from it.

"Wuzzat?" Blaine blinks and raises his head, groaning. "Hey, lover."

"Don't 'hey lover' me. We've talked about this," Kurt waves the bottle and Blaine shrugs, his eyes bloodshot and unfocussed, and Kurt sighs and takes the bottle to rinse it out before setting it on the counter. "Blaine, I'm worried about you…"

"Yeah, well don't be. I c'n take care of m'self," Blaine slurs, trying to stand up but his legs won't support him and he slumps in the chair, groaning and holding his head.

"I don't understand how you even _get _it!" Kurt mutters, washing some other dirty dishes (Finn never _has _learned how to pick up after himself) in order to keep himself busy. "Nobody in their right mind would think you were twenty-one. Even when you _are _twenty-one they won't believe you're twenty-one," he finishes and slams the dishcloth down into the sink, crossing his arms and scowling.

"Friends from school," Blaine mumbles against his arm, head dropped toward the table once more, and Kurt forces himself to calm down.

"Are you paying for it? You know we don't have any money to spare, not with my NYADA tuition and especially not now that Rachel's moved out, considering that she was making more than all of us with her Broadway earnings," he towels off his hands properly and hangs up the dishcloth, sighing.

"I make money," Blaine hiccups. "I've got…got the backup gigs, too, and…and the coffee shop…"

"Not enough to afford a full bottle of Gray Goose every week," Kurt feels his anger dissipating, turning into a clawing disappointment that settles low in his gut like a bad stomach-ache. It's not a pleasant feeling.

"Dun'worry about it…"

"I _worry _about us paying rent every month!"

"'s fine," Blaine mumbles, staring at the glass tabletop intently. "I won'…I'll have money, Kurt, I…"

He stops as Finn enters the kitchen and Kurt's eyes follow him, unaware that Blaine's doing the same thing.

God, he's gorgeous; shirtless and tanned and toned and without a care in the world as he grabs the milk carton and swigs from it, an action which normally would have Kurt griping at him but his throat's gone dry.

"Morning, dudes," Finn waves casually and Kurt stammers out a suitable reply as Blaine suddenly leaps to his feet and tears off toward the bathroom, Kurt grimacing as the unpleasant sounds of him expelling all of the poison he'd ingested echo through the small space. "Was he drinking?" Finn asks, swilling more milk, and how he can _think _about putting anything into his body when Blaine's doing the opposite in the washroom is beyond Kurt, but then…that's Finn.

"What do you think?" Kurt replies snippily, spinning the bottle carelessly in his hand.

Sometimes he really wonders why he's still with Blaine, when the two of them are obviously unhappy. Blaine's…different, and Kurt's not sure if it happened during his senior year in Lima, but obviously while the Blaine he knew in high school was a sloppy drunk and made rather bad decisions while inebriated, he wasn't an alcoholic and this caustic, acidic tone he took far too often these days hadn't existed.

And yes, maybe Kurt's changed as well. He's older, more mature, a little more world-wise, but still at heart the same boy he was in high school.

He thinks.

"Have you talked to him?" Finn's still carelessly drinking from the carton and Kurt finally loses patience with him and snags it away, shoving it back in the fridge and slamming the door. "That's a yes?"

"Yes, I've talked to him, but it's not making any impact. This was full two days ago, Finn! Full!" he waves the bottle again. "He's killing himself! Do you have any idea what this stuff does to your liver?"

They can hear retching again and Finn makes a face as Kurt slumps against the counter, exhausted even though he's just woken up.

"I don't know what to do anymore," he sets the bottle down and hides his face in his hands, shoulders shaking. He doesn't want to cry, not in front of Finn, but the tears won't seem to listen to him. "I don't…"

"Hey, it's okay," Finn doesn't move but Kurt can hear the concern in his voice. "Look, dude, he's gonna be fine. You'll figure this out…"

"What if we _don't?" _Kurt mewls, rather pitifully. God, this would all be so much easier if Finn were just gay, rather than…whatever he is. Even with the family thing, Kurt would still be grateful if that were true.

But…he sighs and starts cleaning the countertops, anything to keep his hands busy, and knows that the proper way out of this situation would be to call everything off with Finn so he could focus on Blaine…his _boyfriend_…and maybe it's time to do that.

Maybe he and Finn need to stop doing…whatever it is that they're doing, and go back to just being stepbrothers.

That's probably for the best.

He turns to impart this sudden knowledge when there's a crash from the bathroom and Blaine's weak rasped insistence that he's okay, and goes back to scrubbing the counter, unknowingly working at the same spot with such fervour the cloth is starting to shred.

"Hey," Finn gently touches his wrist and Kurt snaps back to himself, the ragged cloth in his hand as he clenches his fist and raises it to his mouth, biting his knuckle and trying to hold back those traitorous tears. "Hey, let it out, bro."

_Bro, _Kurt thinks muzzily. _You may be sleeping together, but he still just sees you as his 'bro.' _

It's probably only logical in Finn's world.

He shakes his head, still unwilling to break down, but Finn hugs him from behind, forehead pressed down against his shoulder and he's warm and large and _safe, _Finn's always been safe, and Kurt slumps back against him and whimpers a little.

"Cry, Kurt. You can cry," Finn urges, lips brushing his skin as they move, and Kurt does, turning and burying his face in Finn's shoulder, hands mapping out his back before his arms lock around Finn's neck. "It'll be okay. We'll figure this out, I can help you if you want…I mean, if he needs help…"

"I don't deserve you," Kurt sobs, feeling Finn tense and again there's a slight niggling in the back of his brain: why does Finn suddenly seem to _care _so much about Blaine? Why is he acting like _he's _the guilty one?

He shoves the irritating mind-voice aside and falls into the familiar comfort of Finn's arms, the other man relaxing and holding him close. He can hear the sound of water running in the washroom and knows that Blaine's cleaning up, so he and Finn had best separate before things start to look more suspicious than they already were.

"Right," he pulls away. "I'll…look after him. You go do whatever you had planned," Kurt tries to put a brave smile but it's obvious Finn isn't buying it, and the other man pulls him in once more and rubs his back for a few seconds before letting him go.

"If you're sure. I'm gonna hit the gym for a while but I'll be back for lunch. Cool?" he smiles, boyish and young with his dimples, and Kurt shakes his head and forces himself to nod.

He has to figure out Blaine by himself for now.

"Of course. I'll get rid of this," he finally drops the bottle in the recycle, almost wishing it would break and he could look at the shards in the knowledge that Blaine could never drink from it again, but of course it doesn't; merely lands in the plastic bin with a dull 'thud,' Kurt's gut still roiling at the thought of the caustic liquid burning down Blaine's throat.

He needs to focus on Blaine. He needs to let go of Finn. He needs to…

"Call me if you need help, alright?" Finn's eyes are warm, chocolate-brown and flecked with green in the early morning light, and Kurt's knees go weak as the taller man leans in for a friendly kiss on the cheek. "Later, man."

Kurt presses a hand to his cheek, feeling a blush rise on his face and that one spot tingles warmer than ever.

…He's not letting go of Finn.

Sometimes he thinks he's the only one keeping him sane.

000

When Blaine comes out of the washroom, freshly showered and looking marginally more human, Kurt's stomach has settled enough that he's eating a bowl of yogurt and granola, glasses on and reading the newspaper as Blaine slouches over and groans before slumping into a chair.

"Feeling better?" Kurt asks softly, deciding that at this point kindness will work better than sarcasm.

"A bit."

"Want anything to eat?"

Blaine gags and Kurt takes that as a 'no,' continuing to munch until he notices his boyfriend staring at him, bleary-eyed and with his curls tousled and free, and there's something so _young _and familiar about him that for a moment Kurt believes he's the same boy he met that first day at Dalton.

"Ginger ale?" he raises an eyebrow knowingly and Blaine nods, so Kurt crosses to the fridge and cracks open a can, the hiss of air escaping echoing loudly through the kitchen. He pours out a glass, passing it to the other man and stopping to run a soothing hand through his hair.

"Thanks, babe," Blaine smiles a little before sipping at it, groaning as it slides down his throat.

"It can't burn any worse than the vodka," Kurt grunts, realizing that he's being sardonic but thinking that it's warranted this time.

"It doesn't. But…God," Blaine groans, finishing about half the glass before setting it aside and starting to fidget, shifting from side-to-side until Kurt looks up again.

"Yes?"

"I…can we…" Blaine shakes his head. "I just…"

And Kurt can read him easily enough at this point; knows what he's asking for before he even asks it. "You want to go back to bed?" he asks and Blaine nods meekly, curling in on himself on the chair as Kurt moves around the table to pull him gently to his feet and help him to the bedroom.

"Why're you being so nice to me?" Blaine whispers, head dropped against Kurt's shoulder as he pulls the blankets back and settles the shorter man in the bed.

"Because I love you," Kurt says without hesitation, the words slipping easily off his tongue and with no hint of a lie.

He does love Blaine. Truly he does.

He slides in behind his boyfriend, hearing Blaine humming something under his breath, and apparently he wasn't the _only _one thinking about their very first meeting today.

"_Teenage Dream?" _he asks with a laugh, brushing Blaine's hair out of his eyes and leaning in for a kiss, tasting nothing but minty mouthwash and the slight sharp tang of ginger ale.

"What happened to ours, Kurt? What happened to _us?" _Blaine asks, maudlin even in his mostly-sober state, and Kurt wonders the same thing almost every day but he can't say so. "We were supposed to be perfect. Innocent and happy and…"

"Happy," Kurt echoes. "You're not happy."

"I don't know…" Blaine shakes his head and curls closer, clutching at Kurt's arms with an almost frightening desperation. "I…I love you, but…"

"We'll figure it out," Kurt vows.

They will. They're strong enough to make it through this.

Blaine's still humming, murmuring a word now and again, and Kurt adds his voice in a lilting harmony as he strokes Blaine's cheeks and stares deep into his hazel eyes.

_No regrets, just love, _he thinks bitterly.

There's plenty of love left, he's sure of that.

But there's also plenty of regret.

And he's not sure if that will ever go away.

**Notes:**

**1. **As many of you have guessed, this isn't 'Summer Harmony.' This isn't light and fluffy and boys finding love for the first time. It's going to get dark, and it's going to get messy, and I hope you'll stick with me as they work through this.

**2. **That being said, I hope I didn't scare you off, but thanks for all the wonderful feedback :)


	3. Chapter Two

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now

**Characters/Pairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 2/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2153  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Two**

Blaine wakes up alone, the dim light coming in through the bedroom windows informing him that he's slept the day away. Thank God he doesn't have rehearsal or anything of the sort, he thinks muzzily as he stretches and contemplates never moving again.

However, his bladder has other ideas, and is rather insistently telling him he needs to go empty it, so he knows he has to leave the warmth of his bed to do so.

Kurt's gone, hardly surprising, and Blaine blearily presses his nose into the pillow to catch any lingering traces of the other man's scent, the clean, sharp tang of his facial products bringing a fond smile to his face.

But Blaine can't escape from the guilt that's clawing at his gut like a crazed animal, eating him from the inside and burning worse than the vodka he'd so carelessly tipped down his throat mere hours before, a gnawing ulcer of regret that grows every time Finn enters his body or touches his sweat-soaked skin, and it's killing him.

He doesn't love Finn.

He barely even _likes_ him, and he knows that if it weren't for Kurt he would have probably never spoken to Finn after high school.

But the fact remains that he keeps finding his way back into Finn's bed despite his promises to himself that it has to end, he can't do it anymore, it's ruining his and Kurt's relationship...

He can't let go.

Finn gives him something Kurt either can't or won't, does for him what Kurt seem incapable of, and when he needs it rough, needs to feel fingers clutching him hard enough to bruise, feel Finn slamming into his body hard enough that he forgets about how damn pathetic he is and can feel free even for just a few moments.

With Kurt, their lovemaking is just that: making love. It's slow, and tender, and Blaine wants to make everything perfect for Kurt because he _deserves_ it. He's somehow incapable of roughness with him, and when Kurt's inside of him and Blaine tries to urge him faster he won't, treating him the same way Blaine does for him even though Blaine doesn't merit it.

Tonight, however...

He pushes himself upright and staggers out of bed, guilt in every pore because he needs Finn tonight...God, does he need Finn.

He can hear the TV blaring, muffled through the walls, and he wanders into the living room, smiling despite himself at the sight of the taller man reclining on the sofa, idly watching sports highlights as he sips from a can of cola, throat working to swallow and Blaine licks his lips without meaning to.

Yes, Finn's attractive, in a rather-dim-jock type of way. He's utterly masculine and he's definitely slimmed down since high school, regular visits to the gym doing wonders for his body. Aesthetically, Blaine desires him. A lot.

He passes by to head for the washroom, Finn apparently not even noticing (not that this is unusual) and does his business, staring at himself in the mirror as he washes his hands and trying to figure out what the face of a cheater looks like.

It strikes him that it must look _far _too much like his own, and the thought haunts him even as he exits the washroom and shuffles toward the television.

"Hey, bro," Finn raises his can as Blaine sits beside him, too close to be entirely polite but Finn doesn't seem to mind as he gives Blaine a smile and nudges him in the ribs. "Feeling any better?"

"Not really," Blaine admits with a grimace, but he decides to forego the awkward conversation and skip to the point. "Kurt's gone?"

"Out with Rach. Just to dinner, maybe a movie or something. I think…we're worried about you, dude," Finn's eyes are warm and so, _so _caring and why should Finn care about him in the first place? It makes him angry.

"Don't be," Blaine says harshly, biting off the words, but Finn…eternally good-natured, happy-go-lucky, completely oblivious _Finn…_just smiles at him like he thinks he's joking.

He isn't joking.

He knows he's got a problem.

It's _his _problem.

He can feel the anger building up inside of him as he reaches to grip Finn's knee, sliding a hand up his thigh in a gesture that cannot be misconstrued for anything else.

"No," Finn lays a hand on top of his and the contact makes Blaine shiver.

"Why not? I need…I need you…" Blaine rasps out, because it's true, but it's in no way as romantic as it might sound. He needs Finn to make him forget.

"Blaine, no," Finn moves away, sliding along the sofa and reaching for the remote to turn the television off. "We can't, dude. Kurt's…he's not happy, and you know that us doing this isn't helping him. I feel awful about it, like my stomach's all in knots and stuff. So we can't…"

"Yes, we can," Blaine growls, not really caring about Kurt because if he thinks about him too much he'll fall apart, and he rather harshly palms Finn's cock through his sweatpants, Finn gasping at the feeling. "Tell me no, Finn. You can't, can you?" he leans in close, knowing he's being cruel but he _needs this. _

"Blaine, I…"

"Bedroom," Blaine orders, eyes dark, and he sees Finn swallow, feels the other man's cock harden under his insistent fingers, and he knows Finn's not saying no.

000

Finn collapses beside him, sweat-soaked and panting, groaning as he slips out and Blaine makes a muffled noise of pain before he can help it.

God, that _hurts. _

It's his own fault. He told Finn no prepping and he could tell that the other man really wasn't down with that, but Finn isn't the type to say no.

Finn jerkily slips the condom off and throws it in his trash, Blaine knowing that he'll make sure to clear it out before Kurt can find it, and flops onto the bed again, still unable to catch his breath.

Blaine closes his eyes and swallows, the aching need lessening and he wants to enjoy the (albeit painful) post-coital haze but he can't even give himself that.

He needs to go.

"Hey," Finn throws an arm over his stomach before he can leave, dark eyes studying him intently. "Did I…did I hurt you?"

"Yes," Blaine decides to forego the pleasantries and jumps straight to the truth. "You did. But that's okay. I asked for it."

"Dude, why didn't you tell me?" Finn's eyes widen and he tries to push Blaine over as Blaine paws at him to stop it. "I thought…you said…"

"I needed it, Finn," Blaine sighs and sits up, wincing as a jolt of pain shoots through him.

It's okay. It reminds him of what a screwed-up cheater he is.

"Man, no, _not _okay," Finn shoves at him again and Blaine eventually gives up resisting and rolls over, burying his face in the pillow and trying not to think about how humiliating this all is.

But then, he deserves every second of it, doesn't he?

"You're not bleeding," Finn says after a moment. "It…looks okay, I just…"

"Finn," Blaine starts, but suddenly a feeling of overwhelming despair and sadness and the need to be _close _overtakes him and he starts sobbing, uncontrollable and horribly embarrassing and Finn's shushing him and pulling him into his arms, nose pressed against his tousled curls.

An almost direct reversal from the first night they'd been together, when Finn had been so heartbroken over Rachel leaving that he'd just needed something to take his mind off of it and Blaine had been the one to comfort him.

He clutches at Finn and can't seem to stop the tears, tiny rivers making trails along the already sweat-soaked skin of Finn's shoulder.

"Hey," Finn pulls back enough so they're looking at each other but that's not good, he's too far away, and Blaine yanks him closer again and just _keeps crying. _"Hey, buddy," Finn tries again. "We'll fix this. Me 'n Kurt, we're here for you, man. We'll get you through this."

That only makes him cry harder, even though Finn will have no idea why, and he keeps shushing him gently and rubbing his back, warm and solid and _safe, _because Finn's always been safe, even if they don't always see eye-to-eye.

It's just…_Finn. _

He doesn't know how long they sit there but eventually the tears subside and he draws away, getting to his feet and sniffing. "I need to…he'll be back soon, I have…shower," he forces out and Finn just looks at him with those kind, warm brown eyes and nods.

"Okay, dude. Come back out when you're done, yeah?"

"Yeah," Blaine agrees, shuffling off to the bathroom and cleaning up, and he feels more human when he emerges.

And hungry.

All he's eaten all day has been…well, nothing. That glass of ginger-ale, which is still sitting half-full on the table and he dumps it before opening the fridge and grabbing a couple of frozen pizza snacks.

Damn the calories for once. He needs this.

000

Finn makes no comment when he enters the living room with the food, just holding out his arm and letting Blaine curl up under it, and tears start to prick his eyes again because he's being a complete and utter bastard and both Finn _and _Kurt are taking care of him like he somehow deserves to be taken care of.

It's a sick joke.

"Hey," Finn says again, lightly brushing the other man's shoulder with his fingertips. "It's cool. Whatever you need."

Blaine shifts and whimpers and Finn pulls him in tighter, still running fingers up and down his arm in a soothing, repetitive motion as Blaine starts to eat.

The door opening startles them both and Blaine shoots to the other end of the sofa, trying to make it look like he and Finn were never in contact, as Kurt breezes in and hangs up his coat, looking over to the living room expectantly.

"You're up," he says happily, taking a seat beside Blaine and reaching to kiss his cheek. "And your appetite's returned, I see. You know how I feel about these, but I suppose I'll let it slide because you haven't eaten all day."

"Oh wow, thanks," Blaine says bitterly but Kurt just laughs and kisses the corner of his mouth.

"Pizza breath," he murmurs and Blaine can't help but smile. "And you, what've you done today to be of use to the world, Mr. Hudson?" he lightly pats Finn's knee and Finn turns with a pensive, sad little smile.

"He's helped me," Blaine says, surprising even himself. "I had a…I kind of broke down tonight, and he was…"

"Baby," Kurt's eyes soften and he waits until Blaine's finished the last pizza pocket to pull him closer, leaning back against Finn and stretching out his legs while Blaine curls between them, head on Kurt's chest. "I'm so sorry…I wouldn't have gone…"

"It's cool. You need to get out," Finn's arm comes around Kurt to steady him and Blaine's once again a little envious of the completely natural way they can interact.

It comes from years of being together, he supposes, but sometimes it feels like he and Kurt will never have that instant telepathic connection Kurt has with his stepbrother.

Finn's nose is in Kurt's hair and he's inhaling deeply, Kurt jokingly telling him off about messing it up, but there's such a fondness and affection to their interaction that it makes him feel all the more worthless.

"Still, you're my boyfriend. I shouldn't have left when…"

"It's okay," Blaine promises dully. "I haven't been the best person to be around lately. I don't blame you."

"Look," Kurt tilts his head up, staring at him. "Any time you need anything, don't be afraid to ask me for it. I want to help you."

"We want to help you," Finn puts in immediately and Kurt looks at him in surprise, eyes widening slightly before he smile and nods.

"_We _want to help you," he amends and Blaine can't meet his eyes anymore as he lets his head drop to Kurt's chest, feeling him breathe and hearing his heart beat and knowing that he has to do whatever he can to hold onto this brilliant, beautiful man that for some unfathomable reason loves him.

"Okay," he finally squeaks out and Kurt kisses his forehead, groping for the remote with his free hand as Blaine runs his fingers along the soft textures in Kurt's cardigan.

"Why don't we find 'America's Funniest Home Videos' or something? I think I need to watch a few people get embarrassed in potentially life-threatening ways," his tone is light but there's still a darkness behind his words, but as they watch various people doing various idiotic things, the world doesn't seem so bad for while.

The three of them will make it.

Somehow.

**Notes:**

**1. **I almost cried writing this. I'm probably too emotional. But there it is.

**2. **I'm flattered by the hits/favs/alerts on this fic, but I've received very little feedback for it and for an author it's hard to tell what that means. Do people like it? Do they not? Is there something off about it? This is a very different style for me so I would greatly appreciate anything you have to say, and I used to be a notorious fandom lurker but I've met so many great people just by commenting on their fics and talking to them through that. I'm not scary, so don't be shy. Fandom discussions make my day. Also, I try my best to reply to every review/comment I receive :)

**3. **That's about it :D


	4. Chapter Three

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now

**Characters/Pairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 3/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2110  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Three**

Kurt has a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach; a gnawing, roiling unease that won't go away and has been shifting around ever since he'd gotten back from dinner with Rachel the other night.

Finn and Blaine aren't close.

Finn and Blaine don't even _like _each other.

So why is Finn so adamant that he's going to help Blaine, and why did they look so comfortable around each other on the sofa that night?

Also, he reflects absently as he sinks deeper into the bathtub and feels the warm water lap around him, why has Blaine been moving so stiffly over the last few days? There's obviously something bugging him, wincing and trying to stay away from sitting on chairs that aren't padded, and if Kurt didn't know any better he'd almost, _almost _say that Blaine's been with somebody else, but…

But it's Blaine.

He'd never do that to Kurt, because…

And Kurt stops, an icy claw clenching around his heart, because not so long ago he said the same thing: _I'll never cheat on him. _And what had he done?

Cheated.

With Finn.

And he's _still cheating with Finn, _so is it so hard to believe thatBlaine would…

But then, why not just end it? Why put themselves through this?

He sinks down a little lower, the tips of his hair getting wet but he can't bring himself to care as he idly scoops bubbles around.

Blaine's not cheating on him. He wouldn't do that.

He's still deep in thought when the bathroom door opens and Finn slides in, staring at the mirror and scrubbing a swipe of chocolate frosting off of his cheek (Kurt's not going to ask). He finally succeeds, balling up the Kleenex and tossing it at the garbage can like it's a basketball, pumping his fist when it lands directly in the bin.

"Very impressive," Kurt says dryly and Finn turns to him, brown eyes widening as if he hadn't noticed Kurt was even in there.

"Dude, bubble bath! Can I join?"

And somehow Finn has the uncanny ability to turn into a puppy at the slightest provocation, even though he _has _matured incredibly since high school.

It's still _Finn, _however, and the day he lost his childlike innocence would be a sad day indeed, so a large part of Kurt hoped that it never went away.

"Is Blaine around?" the question's almost natural by now and he hates that fact, but he has to ask.

"Nah, he 'n Rach have got rehearsal or something. Just us," Finn's already pulling off his shirt, and _oh, _Kurt can't resist shirtless Finn.

He's never been able to, and it hasn't gotten any better over the years, especially not with the way Finn's slimmed down and toned his body since high school, abs more defined and skin tanned in a way Kurt will never be able to achieve and no, Kurt's not saying no.

"Okay," he concedes and Finn drops his jeans, nothing under them as Kurt sighs and Finn nearly bounces over, taking great care not to splash him as he sinks down into the water, which Kurt certainly appreciates.

Finn pulls Kurt to rest between his legs and Kurt leans his head back against the other man's shoulder, Finn's arms around his waist securely as he kisses the side of Kurt's neck.

"Finn…"

"Sorry," he can feel Finn smile against his skin, the other man's hands sliding down his body as Kurt squirms and laughs a little at the sensations. Finn always makes him feel safe and relaxed, like he can forget for a few moments about why this should be wrong, or what Blaine's doing, or what he can do to help his boyfriend.

Because Blaine needs help, and Kurt's more than sure of that by now.

"You seem tense," Finn notes, his voice rumbling low in Kurt's ear.

"Blaine," Kurt emits the name on a sigh as Finn nods against his shoulder. "I'm…"

"Worried," Finn fills in for him, one hand splaying over his stomach. "I'm worried, too."

"Why?" Kurt finally asks, the question burning in his throat as it escapes. Shouldn't he be happy Blaine and Finn are getting along? Why is he so nervous about their budding friendship, then?

"Because he's important to you, and you're important to me," Finn whispers, licking the shell of Kurt's ear as Kurt moans softly and presses back.

"Finn, don't…"

But Finn's breath is hot on his face, his hands slipping down and Kurt feels himself hardening without meaning to. He needs to end this. He needs to stay faithful. He needs…

_"Finn," _he groans as Finn wraps a hand around him, stroking gently. "Don't. Please."

And Finn's hand drops away, pulling back from Kurt altogether. "Sorry. I thought…sorry. You're right. This is so…this is _so _screwed up, Kurt…" he sounds a little broken and Kurt hushes him gently, taking his hands and rubbing them with his own.

"I know, sweetie. It is," he sighs, no way to deny it. The water's still a comfortable temperature and Finn starts kissing his shoulder, tongue lapping up the water droplets from where Kurt had nearly submerged himself earlier. "What can we do about it?"

"His drinking?" Finn pulls back to ask, taking Kurt's cue and placing his arms around the shorter man's waist once more. "Will he get help?"

"No," Kurt's fairly sure of this, especially since he's taken up the issue with the other man more times than he can count. Blaine doesn't believe it's bad enough to warrant him searching out help, but he's _nineteen _and already drinking more than most people ever do.

There's something horribly concerning about it and Kurt's debated throwing out the alcohol or dumping it down the drain when Blaine sneaks it in, he doesn't want to deal with the inevitable fallout that will occur when Blaine finds out.

They have enough problems as it is.

"Then all we can do is be there for him," Finn shivers and Kurt knows something's up with him, because the water's not cold. A tiny part of his brain is telling him that there's an obvious connection between Finn's jumpy behavior, Finn and Blaine's sudden closeness, and the fact that Blaine's been limping around like he's been on the receiving end of a particularly rough bout of sex.

But no.

No.

They'd never.

Kurt whimpers as Finn's hand closes around him again, big and warm, and gives himself over to it.

"Finn," he arches, one hand flung back to wrap around Finn's neck and pull him closer, panting against his mouth (they don't kiss, they don't kiss, they don't kiss) as Finn strokes him slowly, both of them so close but no, Kurt won't.

He won't.

He buries his face in Finn's shoulder, back twisted obscenely but it's fine for him, and whimpers as Finn rubs a thumb over the head of his cock, his fingers calloused and yet gentle at the same time, and Kurt ruts back against him, knowing that Finn's just as hard as he is.

He's still got his face against Finn's neck, arm around to clasp the back of his neck with his opposite hand, body turned into him as he whines and shifts his hips.

"God, _Kurt," _Finn moans into his ear and this is all wrong, _so _wrong, he has to put a stop to this…

He comes with a drawn out cry as Finn clutches at him, too tightly but he's holding on with the same desperation, fingers digging into Finn's shoulder as he shifts almost sideways, Finn groaning in his ear and yes, Finn's gotten better, but this was apparently enough for him and maybe Finn's body just has some weakness for hot water, but that seems to be all it takes and Kurt's almost grateful for that.

What they're doing doesn't make it any better, but for some reason it feels less like cheating when Finn isn't coming inside of him, and the thought conjures up unbidden the image of the two of them, Kurt's legs locked around Finn's waist and his head thrown back, back arched as Finn kisses his cheeks and nose and eyelids and throat, anywhere that's not his lips.

It doesn't matter, and he knows that.

Cheating is cheating.

But, God help him, he can't stop.

Finn's panting harshly into his ear, chest heaving with breath as he holds Kurt close, and the next words that come out of his mouth shake Kurt to the core.

"Do you love him?"

Kurt hesitates for the briefest of moments.

Not because he doesn't know the answer: he does. Unequivocally. Blaine's important to him in a way that nobody (save Finn) has been able to achieve, and the thought of _losing _him feels like a leaden weight settling in the pit of Kurt's stomach.

"Yes," he finally whispers, hearing Finn sigh into his hair.

He knows what this is. This isn't a confession of love from Finn, a sort of 'if you don't love him anymore what's keeping us from being together?'

It's as far from it as one can get.

This is just Finn being Finn, blunt and obtuse and not sugar-coating the point at all. He wants to know for no other purpose than to _know, _and Kurt's learned that by now.

He can read Finn better than anybody.

…Except right now. Whatever's going on between him and Blaine has proverbial alarm bells ringing in his skull and Kurt's determined to get to the bottom of it.

Even if it breaks his heart.

He hangs onto Finn and tires to forget about everything except the warmth of the tub, the heat of Finn's hands on his skin, and the gentle way Finn's stroking his back.

It almost works.

000

He's sitting at the table with a mug of tea when Blaine walks in, smiling and looking happier than Kurt's seen him in a long while; eyes sparkling and hair wind-tousled, a hint of red on his cheeks from the brisk air.

God, he looks like the boy Kurt first fell in love with, and a big part of him wishes that he could feel like this all the time and he'd never have to see Blaine bleary-eyed and surly, vomiting poison into the toilet while Kurt tries to ignore the sounds coming from the washroom.

That's not Blaine.

…Kurt's not even sure _who _it is.

"Hey, baby,"Blaine sweeps over and kisses him, tasting of peppermint gum and a hint of coffee on the back of his tongue, and Kurt returns the kiss eagerly and pulls Blaine onto his lap as the other man laughs.

"How was rehearsal?"

"Great,"Blaine drapes his arms around Kurt's neck and smiles down at him. "Admittedly, I'm getting a little tired of plays where I have to kiss Rachel, but…"

"Hey, you were the one that _wanted _to kiss her once upon a time," Kurt refutes, not even bitter about that incident anymore. Rachel may get to kiss Blaine on stage, but Kurt gets to do it everywhere else.

"God, what was I thinking?"Blaine chuckles and Kurt sees his opening, tiny as it may be.

"You weren't. You were drunk," he intones quietly and Blaine's eyes snap to meet his.

"Kurt…can we not…"

"No, no we have to talk about it. Maybe not now. But soon," Kurt doesn't really want to ruin this moment, because it's the happiest he can remember feeling with Blaine for a long time.

"Okay,"Blaine says after hesitating a moment too long, and Kurt knows it won't be this easy.

It's never this easy.

"Okay," he echoes the other man and kisses him again, softly, Blaine sighing against his lips before drawing away.

"I'm going to get changed and then grab a snack,"Blaine tells him, hugging him gently before standing up and moving to their bedroom, and Kurt drops his head to the table and starts to mindlessly pick at a stray thread in the placemat, wrinkling his nose but not having the strength to go find a scissor at the moment.

"What'd he say?" Finn's suddenly there, rubbing his shoulders and Kurt sighs at the contact.

"Mm. He promised he'd talk about it," he murmurs, opening his eyes halfway and staring at the clock on the stove. It's not even that late, but he feels like he's been doing manual labor all day and he can barely lift his head.

"That's better than nothing," Finn sounds almost reflective, an odd thing for him, and Kurt sighs heavily and nods as best he can.

It's better than nothing.

But Kurt's still not sure it's enough.

**Notes:**

**1. **Thank you so much for the responses on the last chapter, guys! I'm so glad people are, well, enjoying the fic for what it is and sticking with this. Keep the replies coming :) This chapter was almost fluffy for this fic, I think xP

**2. **And for anybody still wondering, we *will* get to Finn's POV at some point. I'm deliberately not writing it for now, though…


	5. Chapter Four

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now

**Characters/Pairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 4/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2250  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Four**

Blaine knows he has to stop, because Kurt's right: it _is _killing him. The guilt and the gnawing, aching emptiness coursing through his bones only seem to be filled when he's on stage or with burning alcohol sliding down his throat. Kurt used to be a balm to him, his touch soothing in and of itself but ever since he and Finn started Kurt's steady fingers on his body only feel _wrong, _like Kurt's touching something dirty and defiled that an angel such as him should never have to see.

But Kurt's right. Kurt's _completely _right. He has to stop.

He digs through the cupboards, pulling out a bottle of tequila he'd been saving, and takes a deep breath before removing the cap and dumping it down the drain, feeling sick as the urge to even lick the spare droplets from the sink creeps over him.

God, he's disgusting.

He's just finished, hand shaking as he sets the bottle aside, when Kurt pads softly into the kitchen.

"Blaine? It's late, baby, are you coming to bed?" he keeps his voice low as Blaine takes a breath and turns around, holding the bottle out. "What…"

"I dumped it. All of it. Gone," Blaine forces out, body tense as he waits for Kurt's reaction and the other man's radiant smile is suddenly worth all of it as Kurt swoops across the kitchen and grabs his cheeks, pulling him into a firm kiss.

"I'm so proud of you, Blaine," he whispers, looking close to tears as he tugs Blaine toward the bedroom. "So, so proud."

"Kurt?" Blaine starts, feeling that familiar unsettling ache in his bones that means he needs Finn and he needs Finn _now, _but…

"Yes?"

"Can you…can we…I need you," he looks away, unable to face Kurt when he's not being completely honest, but Kurt just nods and takes his hand, leading him to the bedroom and laying him down on the bed, utterly loving and Blaine for once pushes his needs to be hurt and his guilt aside and enjoys the love-making for what it is and nothing more.

God, they could be so happy if this was all there ever was between them, and Kurt moves in him so gently and keeps kissing him, never going too quickly and always watching him for any signs of discomfort.

It's beautiful. And it should make him the happiest man in the world, that he has a lover who's willing to give him all of this.

For a moment, it almost does.

000

He wakes up without a hangover for the first time since he can remember, at least on a weekend when he isn't scrambling to get to classes.

And it's nice, knowing that he can sleep in and he's got nothing to get out of bed for. Kurt's arms are warm around him and he's spooning the smaller man from behind, breaths steady and even in Blaine's ear as he shifts a little, their legs tangling together.

It feels…amazing, not to wake up and feel like he's going to vomit everything he's ever eaten up, and he groans a little when Kurt's fingers dance lightly over his cock, feeling it taking interest in the proceedings almost instantly.

"Kurt?"

"Shh," Kurt hushes him. "Finn."

"Mm," Blaine nods in agreement. Chances are Finn's still sleeping and will be for a good few hours, but it's best not to take that chance. "Ah," he tips his head back as Kurt's strokes turn insistent, thumb brushing over the head of his cock and Kurt's hands are always soft and supple, the skin sliding easily over his own as he removes his hand to bring his palm up to Blaine's mouth, Blaine licking it and sucking his fingers in happily as Kurt's groan echoes through his whole body and he pulls Blaine more flush against him.

"That's good," he murmurs, hand dropping away to resume stroking, and it's _heavenly. _

Blaine thrusts his hips forward into Kurt's hand, feeling that that the other man is starting to harden behind him, but when he reaches back Kurt gently draws his hand away.

"This is for you, baby. I'm fine," he kisses a spot just below Blaine's ear that has him shaking, toes curling because Kurt knows _everything _about how to make him come completely undone, and he'll never have that again, he knows this well enough by now.

He arches his back as Kurt starts sucking at his neck, more than hard enough to leave a mark and his director is going to _kill _him and Rachel will tease him mercilessly but he doesn't give a damn at the moment, not with Kurt doing this for him.

"Kurt…baby, I…"

"I know. Let go," Kurt promises and the _sheets _but Blaine moans as his orgasm rips through him, really not caring if Finn can hear him because it feels more freeing than it's felt in…well, since he can remember.

He's still hazy as he comes down, brain fogged with lust and love as Kurt holds him oh-so-tenderly, and if he can wake up like _this _every morning he's starting to think that the burning need for alcohol will soon become a distant memory.

The burning need for Finn may not.

And that still terrifies him.

000

It gets better. He doesn't drink anymore and he throws himself into school and play rehearsals, Rachel commenting that he looks more like he used to in high school and he knows that's the biggest compliment he could receive. He _feels _more like that boy, the boy who loved the spotlight above all else and yes, got drunk once in a while, but was mostly upstanding and tried to be the perfect boyfriend.

He doesn't break things off with Finn, and he doubts he'll be able to for a while. There's a comfort to knowing that he's _there, _no matter the specifics regarding Blaine's feelings toward him, if there _are _really any feelings.

Finn had certainly seemed to care when Blaine had completely broken down that night, but Finn just wants to please everybody and that was probably more him being nice than suddenly discovering some burning feelings for Blaine.

He tries to stop thinking about Finn and focus on Kurt…_his _Kurt…because Kurt could have kicked him out on his ass for the amount of drinking he did, but instead he had tried to _help _him and really, he couldn't be any more perfect.

So yes, it's getting better. He's almost back to normal. He's going to be fine. He's…

And then Finn meets Jade.

And things get oh, so much worse.

000

Jade is something new, a perfect combination of not!Quinn and not!Rachel and Blaine can tell that she's got Finn wrapped around her finger. He's happy with her, and when he brings her over for the first time Blaine tries desperately to find something wrong with her but he can't; she's entirely unobjectionable and if she's got Blaine's raven, curly hair and Kurt's sometimes-green/sometimes-blue/sometimes-grey/_freaking beautiful _eyes that's surely an odd coincidence and nothing to do with Finn somehow looking for somebody like him. Or Kurt. Or…

He doesn't even know what he's saying anymore, because this woman's confusing him and muddling his head like the cloying, sickly-sweet perfume she's got on _is _actually some sort of drug.

Except instead of being an aphrodisiac it's doing the exact opposite and he wants to run to the other end of the condo, and looking at Kurt his boyfriend looks to be having about the same reaction.

But then, it's only natural for Kurt to care.

Isn't it?

"And Finn's told me the two of you are Broadway-bound? Must be exciting!" she notes, fingernails tapping a hypnotising rhythm on the tabletop.

"I've danced backup, very briefly," Kurt replies with a shrug, looking like it's truly no big deal. "And so has Finn's ex-girlfriend. Rachel."

And there's undeniable bitterness in his voice, Blaine knowing that he's waiting for this girl to take the bait.

"Ah."

"She's the real star," Blaine puts in. "She and I are the leads in our college play this semester, but I'm never going to make it…"

"Don't say that," Kurt tells him instantly, shaking his head as he reached to take Blaine's hands in his own. "_You _are perfect leading man material, Blaine Anderson. I may not get anywhere unless society's views of a leading man change radically, but you…" he looks so earnest and so hopeful that Blaine can't help but dart in and kiss him, Jade's absolute absence of a reaction telling him clearly that she knows about them.

Which is fine. He'd rather not deal with the drama right now.

000

"No," Finn takes Blaine's hand off of his thigh, a rather obvious refusal in his eyes.

This is odd.

Finn never says no.

But Blaine's desperate, alone and bottle-less and needing this more than anything, the way he can't need anything else, and he scrambles into Finn's lap and slides his hands under the other man's shirt, shocked beyond words when Finn gently pulls them out and moves away.

"I said no, Blaine," he repeats, brown eyes gentle and sad, and Blaine claws at him and scrambles back into his lap, panting against his skin.

"Finn, I need…you can't say…you can't _do _this!" he forces out, hating himself for how pitiful he's being but Finn _can't _tell him no.

He can't.

"I have to, man. I've got Jade now," he shifts on the sofa and shrugs. "I wanna do this right. I've been cheated on and I've cheated on people and it sucks, so I'm never gonna do that again. Okay?"

"I…" Blaine gasps and shivers, needing either alcohol or Finn but he can't have _either _and he's _dying. _"I..." he blinks and gasps when Finn slings an arm around him and tucks him to his side, caring and gentle and Blaine's fairly sure that Finn _does _like him on some level, or else he wouldn't do this for him.

"It's cool, man. You'll make it," Finn promises and Blaine doesn't believe him.

He probably never will.

000

The burnings get stronger again, the ones that Kurt just can't quench no matter how hard he tries. Blaine knows he's worried for him and he appreciates it and hates that he's the one _making _Kurt worry, but he can't stop it.

Finn's been taken away from him.

So he turns to the one thing in his life that won't say 'no,' that will hurt him without him asking it to, that will always be there when he needs it.

He gets more than he should, and especially more than he should knowing in advance that he's not going to stop until it's gone or he's unconscious, and one night when both Finn and Kurt are out for various reasons he sits down at the table, cracks the first bottle of tequila, and tips it down his throat.

This is bad for so many reasons.

But right now it feels oh, so good.

000

He doesn't know his own name anymore. Not his name, not where he is, not…how much he's had to drink.

There's a few bottles scattered around but those all can't be from _him, _or maybe he's just seeing double.

Yeah.

That's probably it.

He finishes off the vodka and chucks it carelessly aside, hearing the glass hitting the floor and splintering into a million deadly shards but he pays that no mind as he reaches for the next offering.

He doesn't feel so good.

His stomach hurts and he can't breathe very well, body and limbs shaking as his vision blurs even worse and he can't even muster the coordination to open the next bottle, growling in frustration as his fingers scrabble uselessly at the cap.

His stomach heaves and he lays his head on the table, the coolness feeling good against his overheated skin, and after a few minutes he feels well enough to try again and manages to remove the cap successfully this time, hooting in triumph as he chugs it back.

The door opening barely registers with him as he continues to drink, limbs feeling leaden as he hears a gasp and turns.

"Heyyyy, Kurt!" he drawls, hoisting the bottle. "You want…you wan' some? I c'n…lemme get a glash fer you, I…"

"Did you drink _all _of this?" Kurt screeches and that really hurts his ears so he winces.

"Loud."

"Blaine, you promised! You said you wouldn't! Why're you…" Kurt seems close to tears and Blaine doesn't want that, but right now he can't remember why he's drinking. He thinks it had something to do with Finn, but that doesn't make any sense.

Finn's not his boyfriend.

"Dunno," he smiles happily and lurches to his feet, falling sideways as Kurt darts across the kitchen to catch him. "Woah. Why's the world all spinny?"

"Blaine, I'm worried about you. You don't look good," Kurt's brushing his forehead and his fingers feel so good, but Blaine's stomach starts to protest at the sudden change of location and he can't feel his feet and his head literally _does _start to spin as he clutches at Kurt's sleeve.

"K-Kurt? I dun…I dun feel so…so good…"

He barely hears the beep-beep of phone keys and Kurt's frantic voice. "Hello? 9-1-1? I've…I think my boyfriend's got alcohol poisoning, he's…" Kurt's voice slips in and out of focus, a horrible buzzing in his ears. He vaguely hears, "Yes. Yes, please, hurry, I think…"

And then nothing.

**Notes:**

**1. **...I feel bad for what I'm doing to Blaine, but take heart in the fact that it WILL get better. I promise. I love these boys too much to have them suffer for long.

**2. **Also, I wrote Overcriss! I'm rather proud of it and I figure that since a lot of people that read my fics are Blam-supporters as well, you might be interested in this. It's here if you want to read it, and I'd love feedback: aoitsukikage(.)livejournal(.)com/147119(.)html#cutid1


	6. Chapter Five

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now

**Characters/Pairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 5/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2167  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Five**

The stirring opening chords of 'Don't Stop Believin' ' break the stillness of the witching hour, that time when any sane person is asleep, and he grunts and reaches out a lanky arm to try to find the source of the noise, hand closing around the hard plastic case of his cell phone as he pulls it toward him and clears his throat.

"H'lo?"

"Finn!"

And Kurt sounds far too awake for 3 in the morning, so he sighs and turns onto his back, feeling Jade's hand skim across his stomach as she murmurs sleepily. "What's up, buddy?"

"The hospital…I…can you…" Kurt's gasping and Finn realizes he's crying, his heart clenching as he sits up and Jade's hand falls to rest across his hip, the curve of her breast pressed against his side but he can't concentrate on that right now. "Please?"

"Calm down, man. What happened?" Finn asks in a low voice, getting the story as his fingers clench around the phone and he gulps. "Okay. Okay, I'll…I'll be right there. This is…damn, I'm sorry, man. I'll be there."

He ends the call and sits there for a few moments, body shaking as he tries to get himself under control.

It's his fault.

It's _all _his fault.

He'd thought that ending it all would make it better, would make it seem like nothing had ever happened, but…

But it's merely made it worse.

And now Blaine's in the hospital.

Great.

He sighs and gets out of the bed, wincing when the cool air from the room hits his naked flesh, and quickly slips on his clothes from the day before grabbing his keys, the jingling much louder than he would have liked and he hears Jade murmur sleepily behind him.

"Baby? Where are you going?" she sits up, milky skin visible in the scant moonlight creeping through the window, and he shakes his head and sighs, trying to hide how much this is affecting him.

"Hospital," he croaks out, voice no more than a rasp. "Blaine's…in the hospital."

"What happened?" her eyes grow wide as she slips out of bed and starts to dress as well. "Was there an accident? Is he okay?"

"He…Kurt thinks it's alcohol poisoning…he' s always had a problem but lately he hasn't drank at all so we left him alone tonight and…_God, _this is all _my fault, _I should have _been there _and…" he cuts off as she gently strokes his arm and takes the keys from him.

"I'll drive. You're too wound up to get behind the wheel. Come on," she grabs her purse as Finn follows her groggily down the stairs, feeling like he's walking through molasses. He gets into the truck and leans his head against the window, wrapping his arms around himself and wondering when everything got so complicated.

Kurt and him had been a bad idea from the start. Yes, Rachel was always out with other people and yes, Blaine was still in Lima and yes, he's liked Kurt for far longer than he's been willing to admit to himself (or maybe he always had but he was afraid to show it, what with already being called 'gay' by half the football team), but they should never have done what they did.

Even if Kurt's mouth had been warm and sweet, his hips undulating gently as Finn had held him in his lap and kissed him for all he was worth. Even if the lovemaking that night had filled his heart in a way Rachel never had, both of them clinging to each other like lost children and Finn moved in him so gently. Even if they'd stayed together all night, hands loosely clasped and Kurt fitting perfectly against his long body.

They'd stopped kissing, but it hardly mattered: every time they were together he felt this surge of emotion that felt like a leaden weight in his chest, compressing and like if he couldn't tell Kurt how he truly felt he'd die from the pressure.

He didn't.

And then there was Blaine.

And oh, Blaine was the biggest mistake of all, but if Finn has one fault it's that he wants to ease conflict, and while the first time with Blaine he can only blame on himself…he was hurting, yes, but there was no reason to, and if he could take it all back he _would, _in a heartbeat, because…

But since then he's known that Blaine needs him, that for some reason Kurt can't give him with Finn can, and Finn's always been the guy that people look up to…maybe it's just because they literally _have _to…but he's always been looked at to be a leader and he's always tried to make everything right. Bridging the gap between football and Glee, keeping the Club together, trying to support the people closest to him…he can't stand seeing people hurting when he can do something about it, and that's what caused this whole mess in the first place.

Blaine and Kurt both needed him.

And Finn Hudson can't say no. He knew he was helping them both cheat. The guilt was eating away at him day by day and he felt like a hole was growing in his stomach, burning and tearing and he just wants to scream sometimes because he can't get rid of the feelings.

But he also knew he was giving them both something only _he _could, he was making them _happy, _or at least satisfied, and he couldn't stop doing that, either.

Until he had a reason.

Which is where Jade comes in.

Does he love her?

No. Not yet. They've barely met, and he's not naïve enough to overlook the fact that she looks like some female mix of Blaine and Kurt, but he's choosing to ignore that for the time being. She's wonderful, and she finally gave him a reason to say no, even though the desperate look in Blaine's eyes that night made him _want _to give the other man what he needed, just to stop him looking like a scared animal.

But he didn't.

Because he thought Blaine didn't need him anymore. He'd stopped drinking. He was happier. Kurt had told him that their sex life was back to normal. He'd thought this was finally behind them.

And now Blaine's in the hospital.

Because he told him no.

Kurt was fine with the news, as Finn knew he would be. They're close, brothers and more, and Finn knows they'll always have each other even if there's nothing physical between them. Blaine, on the other hand…

Finn doesn't love him. He cares for him, yes, because he's Kurt's boyfriend and he's hurting, but it still hadn't been easy to say no.

And now Blaine could die.

Because of him.

He drops his head into his hands and cries, silent tears that he hopes Jade won't notice.

He kind of feels like dying himself.

000

He's composed himself by the time they reach the hospital, eyes barely red as he stumbles from the truck and Jade gives his hand a squeeze, walking with him into the hospital and then up to the waiting room.

Kurt looks up when they get in, and Finn's breath catches in his throat, because the other man looks _horrible. _His eyes are red and puffy, clothing wrinkled and hair mussed, and looking sick.

"Finn…" he whimpers and Finn's across the room in an instant because _Kurt needs him, _sitting down and scooping the other man into his lap as Kurt clutches at him and buries his face in Finn's shoulder.

"How is he?" Jade moves into the chair beside Finn, reaching to rub Kurt's back soothingly. "Do you know?"

"Okay. He'll…he'll be okay. But…he's on…IVs and things, they had to pump his stomach, he…he had to stay awake through the whole thing, they had to give him oxygen because his breathing was too slow, and…God, he was in so much _pain _and I couldn't _do _anything," Kurt shivers and Finn holds him closer, lips pressed to his temple in a very innocent gesture as Kurt keeps crying, and God, this is all Finn's fault.

He can only imagine how scared Blaine was, how much pain he was in, what it would be like to go through that and have to be awake for all of it…he buries his nose in Kurt's hair and sobs and Kurt clings to him, Jade still stroking his back and she's so much more than Finn deserves.

He's scum.

"Can you see him?" she asks gently and Kurt raises his head and sniffles.

"They said a few more minutes. He has to stay awake all night but…it isn't good. I hate seeing him like this," his face is buried in Finn's neck again, hot panting breaths washing over the skin, and Finn just wants to wrap him up and take him away from all of this.

God, he really likes him.

This isn't good.

They sit there for a while longer, Kurt relaxing into his embrace bit by bit, and when the doctor comes out to call them into the room, Jade assures him that she doesn't need to go in and she'll find them some food and coffee, so he quickly kisses her and sets a hand in the small of Kurt's back, leading him into the room.

He's not ready for this.

000

Blaine looks awful.

He's got so many tubes sticking in him he looks like a science experiment or something, a mask over his face and he breathes shallowly, hair sticking to his head with sweat and he's _so _pale that Finn almost breaks down again.

_Your fault, _a tiny, mocking voice in his head sing-songed. _Your fault, your fault, your fault…_

"Baby?" Kurt's voice shakes as he moves forward, gently touching Blaine's hand. "Blaine? You're supposed to stay awake, Blaine, are you…"

Blaine opens his eyes and there's so much _pain _there that Finn flinches backward.

God, he can't even imagine what Blaine's been through tonight.

Blaine murmurs something through the mask, making a face, and jerks his head in an obvious request for Kurt to remove it which he does after a moment.

"Thanks," Blaine's voice is hoarse, probably from the stomach pump, and he sighs and closes his eyes. "Hurts."

"I know, baby," Kurt promises, smoothing his hair back. "I know. It's okay."

" 'm sorry," Blaine whispers, reaching out a hand that Kurt takes and squeezes. "I shouldn't've…I'm so sorry, I…"

"You almost _died," _Kurt snaps before biting his lip and looking away. "You…what if you'd _died, _Blaine, what then? What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," Blaine looks even more hurt than before. "If you…if I'm too much of a burden, you…"

"No, never," Kurt assures him, smoothing his hair back almost convulsively. I just want you safe, love, that's all. I can't see you like this. It's killing me," he sniffs and Blaine weakly reaches up to touch his cheek.

"No. Don't cry, Kurt. Not for me," Blaine sighs and shifts a little before whimpering. "I have to…stay awake?"

"Until morning," Finn finally speaks and Blaine turns to him blearily. "Hey, man. You okay?"

"I will be," Blaine gives him a rather half-hearted smile before laying back. "Kurt, you need to get some sleep. You must be exhausted."

"I am," Kurt admits. "But you have to…"

"I can watch him," Finn promises, and Kurt looks at him in surprise.

"Yeah, man. I was sleeping until you called, so…I can watch him," he promises, sitting down in a nearby chair as Kurt wavers slightly on his feet.

"Finn?" he asks quietly, and Finn knows what he needs and nods, not going to deny him this now even though Jade will probably wonder. But Kurt curls up on his lap, head against his shoulder, and is asleep almost in an instant as Finn reaches to take Blaine's hand.

"Hey, man. I'm sorry…I…"

"No," Blaine rubs the back of Finn's hand with his thumb, the action oddly soothing. "It's not your fault. Don't blame yourself. I should have respected your fidelity in your relationship and not tried to pressure you, I…"

"But if I'd have…if we'd have…" he gulps, checks to make sure Kurt's really out (he is) and lowers his voice, "if we'd have had sex that night…would you have done this?"

Blaine's hazel eyes look pained again and Finn knows the answer, ducking his head and blinking rapidly. "Don't blame yourself, Finn. It's my burden."

"I could have _helped _you," Finn hisses and Blaine raises his hand to cup Finn's cheek, stroking a thumb along his cheekbone in a hypnotic rhythm as Finn clutches the hand to his face, shaking his head as Kurt murmurs sleepily.

"No. You're right. This needed to end. I…it's okay. It'll be okay," he promises, looking close to tears himself, and at this point Finn really has no idea how this will ever work out.

He just hopes, for all of their sakes, that it will.

**Notes:**

**1. **Yes, Finn's POV! Finally! I hope this clears some things up for everybody…

**2. **Also I'm not a medical professional and while I did what research I could, please understand that I…have no experience with this sort of thing as I am a non-drinker.

**3. **I bought the new Patrick Stump album over the weekend and apparently it's the soundtrack to this fic, which is just weird. I made this post on it, though: aoitsukikage(.)tumblr(.)com/post/11869332406/

.


	7. Chapter Six

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now

**Characters/Pairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 6/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2056  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Six**

Kurt wakes up warm and comfortable, surprising considering that he'd fallen asleep in a chair the night before, and the sharp tang of clinical cleaning supplies invades his nostrils almost immediately so he presses his nose farther against Finn's shoulder, smelling yesterday's cologne and _Finn _and a hint of sex from the night before, something that stirs a sharp ache in his chest although he'll never admit to that.

The beeping of machines is the next to register, steady and reassuring, and for a moment he wishes he were a child again and could ask his daddy to take him home so he could play with his toys and forget how much it hurt to have that beeping stop, have the machine flat-line and not really know what it meant except Mommy never came home and…

He buries his face in Finn's shoulder, smelling everything that's him and chasing the memories away although he knows he has to face the world sooner than later, so he stretches a bit as Finn presses a hand into the small of his back.

"Morning?" Kurt asks softly and Finn chuckles, breath warm in his ear.

"6:30, so pretty close. Sleep okay?"

"Must've," Kurt decides, because he'd heard nothing during the night and while his throat is dry and his stomach is starting to complain, he feels mysteriously rested. "How's…" he asks without looking, fingers curling into the worn fabric of Finn's shirt, nose pressed into his neck and Finn holds him close.

"He's fine. The nurses gave him the all-clear about a half-hour ago so he's out like a light."

"Good," Kurt murmurs, closing his eyes again because it's just so _nice _here. "He needs to rest. He…"

"He scared you pretty bad, huh?" Finn whispers and Kurt can only nod, tears stinging his eyes as he takes a shaky breath and tires to force them away. "Yeah. Me, too. When I got that phone call…"

"Thank you for coming. I just…I didn't know who else to call," he sinks back into Finn's strong arms, letting him carry Kurt with his strength for a while. Finn really _is _his hero, and always has been.

"I couldn't leave you alone. Or Blaine," Finn adds, a slight rasp to his voice the only indication that he's not as composed as he outwardly appears, and Kurt presses his nose against Finn's neck and nudges him. "It'll be fine, Kurt."

"I hope," Kurt replies, reaching for Finn's hand and smiling when the other man takes it and squeezes his fingers briefly. "Is Jade still here?"

"I told her to go home, but I don't think she…hey, baby," he perks up and Kurt watches Jade enter the room, trying to ignore the spike of jealousy that comes with every time he sees her face. He knows that he and Finn breaking things off between them was necessary, but he misses the closeness. Finn just…they know each other so well there's no need to be hesitant or uncomfortable; they just…_fit, _somehow, and he knows that Jade is good for Finn and that Finn really seems to like her, but he's come to accept the fact that, probably until he dies, he'll _always _be jealous of Finn's girlfriends.

That's just the way it is.

"Hey. How are you, Kurt?" she asks kindly, and he shrugs and snuggles closer to Finn, a petty, childish move but he could care less in that moment.

"I'm okay. I just…yeah. I know…I know he won't do this again, but if it happened once, there's always this _fear, _and I can't…" he shakes his head and feels her hand settle on his hair, unwanted and intrusive but he can't be bothered to shake her off right now.

He looks like crap, anyway.

"You should go home," Finn tells Jade kindly, one hand gently rubbing Kurt's back as if he senses his discomfort somehow.

"It's Saturday. I've got nothing to go for," she shakes her head. "But can I bring you boys anything while you wait? Coffee? Some breakfast? Hospital cafeterias usually have great food."

"Yeah, they feed the crap to the patients," Finn smirks and nods. "That'd be great if you would. I think we'll probably stick around until they give him the all-clear and then I'll drive them home. I can come to yours later if you…"

"No," she looks thoughtful, tapping her chin before leaning down to kiss him softly. "No, I think your brother needs you today."

"You're awesome," Finn hides his grin in Kurt's hair and Kurt feels a strange surge of affection for this woman, who's obviously far more perceptive than he originally gave her credit for. He'll still be jealous, always, but maybe he can learn to accept her.

"Thank you," he manages to croak out and Jade gives him a kind smile and leaves the room, closing the door gently behind her.

"Do you like her?" Finn murmurs into his hair, too close, and Kurt sighs.

"I do. I think…she's good for you. And we…"

"We needed to end. I know," Finn's brown eyes are mournful and Kurt knows that he misses what they had, too. The closeness and comfort, if nothing else. It was never inherently sexual even though they were having sex, and it was…_nice. _"I really like her, Kurt. I mean, how many girls would do this for somebody? Stay overnight at the hospital for somebody they barely know?"

"It's certainly appreciated, and I'm glad she's not angry," Kurt admits, even though he'd rather have her angry.

He's a horrible person, and he tightens his fingers in Finn's shirt unconsciously as Finn kisses his temple, innocent and brotherly but still amazingly comforting.

He finally shifts to look at Blaine, seeing the other man still hooked up to tubes and IVs but luckily breathing on his own, still pale and his skin almost greenish in the light, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat, and Kurt feels his chest clench.

He'd almost lost him.

And the tears come again unbidden; horrid, wracking sobs as he buries his face in Finn's shoulder and feels the soothing rumble of the other man's voice as he tries to calm him.

"He's fine. We'll help him. I won't make you do this alone, Kurt, I'll be there for you," Finn whispers, honest and open, and Kurt nods as best he can and tries to calm himself down. He knows Blaine's okay, for now. And he knows he'll never let so much as a drop of alcohol pass through the front door of their home again, because it's not worth losing Blaine over.

Nothing is.

"I know. I don't deserve it, but thank you," he whispers and Finn stiffens, another strange reaction but Kurt won't look too deeply into it as he sinks back into Finn's embrace and lets the other man shield him from the world for a few moments longer.

Finn's still mumbling nonsense against his hair, kissing his head every so often and Kurt feels an aching in his heart that he doesn't know if he can ever fill.

Finn's moving on. Finn's found, if not love, at least something that could easily _become _love, and he knows that Finn would never hurt Jade because the other man's just not _like _that.

But Kurt can't do this alone; can't deal with school and rehearsal and _Blaine _by himself, so to know that Finn will always be there…

It's nice.

And he'll take it for now.

000

He's doing mindless work later, the same thing he always does to get his mind off of whatever Blaine's been doing, and he hears a tiny croak from the living room so he sets down the rag he's using to wash the counter, glaring at it before deciding to toss it because it's got far too many holes to ever be patched up.

_Kind of like your relationship with Blaine, _a tiny voice tells him, and he angrily pushes it away, because no.

He's not giving up on Blaine.

He grabs a glass of water and walks over to where Blaine's seated on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and generally looking pitiful, and Kurt doesn't particularly want to look at him right then but Blaine's fingers close weakly around his wrist, hazel eyes blinking slowly at him and Kurt heaves a sigh and sits down, moving closer when Blaine opens the blanket and folds him up.

"I'm sorry," Blaine murmurs, the words almost too quiet for Kurt to hear them, and Kurt feels a roiling anger start to bubble in his stomach.

"Why?" he forces out between gritted teeth, trying not to completely lose it.

"Wh…"

"Why did you do it, Blaine? Why would you even…you _know_ what it does to you, how you act when you're drinking, and I thought…you were doing so well and…were you _trying _to kill yourself?" he all but yells, realizing in the second after the words have left his mouth that this has been his question all along, and now that it's out in the open he's not sure he wants to know the answer.

And by the stark look in Blaine's eyes Kurt's not quite sure if _he_ knows the answer either, but he eventually sighs and lets his head rest on Kurt's shoulder, eyes slipping closed. "No," he finally admits. "I wasn't. I was trying to make the pain go away, and I think a big part of me knew I was going too far, but…I couldn't stop. And…" he takes a deep breath, fingers clutching at Kurt's hip. "Maybe…maybe I didn't _want _to."

He stops, breath hitching a little, and Kurt tries to control his emotions because…

"No," he chokes out, arms tightening around Blaine.

"No, what?"

"No, you're not…you can't…I _love _you, Blaine Anderson. You're not allowed to die," he snarls, realizing how childish that sounds but they're gripping at each other like children, Blaine shivering in his grasp although Kurt feels hot enough to burst into flames at any moment.

"Kurt," Blaine whimpers, curling up into his body and letting Kurt hold him, and there's a trust and an innocence to his gaze in that moment that reminds Kurt so much of the boy he first fell in love with, the boy that he knows is in there somewhere, the boy who was with him through everything and who owns his soul, but…

But sometimes Kurt thinks that boy was just a figment of his own imagination. Blaine's not perfect, and this mind-Blaine that he remembers so well is the closest thing to it.

Still…

"I want to go back," Blaine whispers, as if he can read Kurt's innermost thoughts, and Kurt strokes his hair and shushes him.

"We can't go back, love. We're older now, we've seen more and…" he stops, trying to figure out exactly how to word this. "But I still feel the same way about you that I did back then," he says honestly, because in his heart Blaine's still the same fresh-faced, eternally optimistic boy he was when he first came to McKinley, and Kurt would do almost _anything _to get that back.

"I know. But sometimes I wonder if this is who I am. Maybe that was an act…"

"It wasn't an act," Kurt says vehemently, squeezing Blaine's hand. "Remember this? Remember _everything? _If that was an act, then I fell in love with a sham," he tries not to sound too angry but honestly, if Blaine's telling the truth…

"No," Blaine's grabbing for him again, so alone and tiny and Kurt can't leave him. "It's…I just don't _know, _Kurt, I don't feel like myself, but…"

"I'll help you find yourself again," Kurt promises, staring into Blaine's beautiful eyes, and he can see the scared boy in there, see that Blaine really _does _need help, and he knows he's not walking away from this. "Finn promised to help too," he adds and tries not to notice the way Blaine stiffens at Finn's name.

"Okay. That's…" Blaine swallows. "Thank you."

"Of course, baby. I love you," Kurt cups Blaine's face and leans down, Blaine meeting him halfway and kissing him tenderly.

"Love you, too," Blaine murmurs as they part, and Kurt wraps him up in the blanket and knows that he's going to see this through.

No matter what it takes.

**Notes:**

**1.** I am *so sorry* this has taken so long to get out. Unfortunately, I had a major Glee-breakdown in the past week and seriously considered quitting the show/fandom/everything entirely. I have…since reconsidered and am feeling mostly better about everything, but that's where I was. I was also writing a lot of RPF, if that's your kind of thing xP

**2. **Other than that, your reviews and comments mean so much to me so…keep leaving them :) I have sort of a plan of where I want the next few chapters to go, so hopefully updates will be more regular.


	8. Chapter Seven

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now

**Characters/Pairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 7/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2420  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer:** I, unfortunately, do not own these characters, no matter how sad that makes me. I do, however, promise to return them when I'm done with them. :)

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Seven**

Finn slips back into the apartment a little after midnight, exhausted from not sleeping for over twenty hours and his footsteps sound loud on the tiled floor of the kitchen. He's just about in his bedroom when he hears a rustling from the couch and stops, turning guiltily but only seeing Kurt blinking at him, and he crosses over to the living room and seats himself when Kurt motions for him to.

"How is he?" he asks softly, hand instinctively reaching to trail through Blaine's mussed curls and Kurt gives him an appraising look before shaking his head.

"Not great," Kurt admits, looking at Finn curiously and the other man pulls his hand back. He knows he's being too forward with Blaine, but when you know somebody as intimately as he and Blaine do it's hard…at least for him…to _not _care. Blaine may think that he's just a toy, just something that Finn uses, but Finn really _does _care for him.

Not like what he feels for Kurt, of course, but more than enough.

He can't be any other way.

"I kind of…gave him a piece of my mind," Kurt admits, and Blaine stirs sleepily and murmurs something as Kurt shushes him, fingers so gentle as they trace Blaine's eyelids and slide down his neck. "He…he's broken, Finn. He's so broken and he just wants to go back, and…and so do I, but we _can't. _We're where we are now and we have to move forward," he gulps and Finn hugs him from behind, nose pressed against his shoulder as he sighs heavily.

"I wish we could go back sometimes," Finn murmurs, and he hears so much heartbreak and longing in his own voice that he's almost ashamed until Kurt leans back and gently, so gently, touches his fingers to Finn's suddenly-wet cheek. "Kurt, I…"

"I know," Kurt's voice is pitched low, and Finn knows he knows but it's too much.

It's all too much.

"I know, Finn. We'll make it," he promises, that same fire in his voice that Finn's heard when he was telling Karofsky and the other bullies off so long ago.

And he believes him.

He has to.

"Stay?" Kurt asks softly, hand moving to catch his wrist and hold it, and Finn nods and settles back, Kurt in his arms and Blaine on Kurt's lap, and he falls asleep thinking that maybe this isn't so bad.

000

"You doing any better?" Finn asks, sitting down on the couch beside Blaine and handing the other man a mug of tea. It's late afternoon of the next day, Kurt gone out to pick them up some supper, and Blaine looks at him with dead eyes and takes a sip of the scalding liquid, not even wincing even though it had to have burned his tongue. "That's a no?"

"That's a no," Blaine affirms with a sad shake of his head, curled up under a blanket and Finn doesn't think he's moved since they brought him back to the condo.

"Can I do anything?"

And Blaine's eyes are still dark, still hopeless, but a flash goes through them at the words and Finn knows he'd better take them back. "Not that. You know I can't. But…"

"I know," Blaine leans back and the cup dangles from his fingers in a way that has Finn fearing they're going to have tea all over the carpet right away, but Blaine doesn't drop it. "I just…there's _nothing, _Finn. I feel _nothing. _Why…"

"Because you almost died, Blaine," Finn realizes his voice is harsh and he realizes by the way Blaine finally reacts, flinching and curling into himself, that Kurt probably had said almost the exact same thing. "You almost died! What were you thinking? What about Kurt?"

"He…Kurt…" Blaine's eyes tear up almost immediately and he _does _nearly drop the tea this time so Finn catches the mug and places it gently on the end table, right in front of a picture of Blaine and Kurt, arms around each other and looking so in love, and Blaine reaches over and turns the picture face-down before burying his nose in the blanket. "I love him," he mumbles, voice wrecked, and Finn pulls him in and lies down, stretching out so Blaine's on top of his body.

"I know. I know you do, but think about what you're doing to him. What we did…"

"I'm horrible," Blaine wheezes out, body tense, and Finn's _really _not good with dealing with emotional people but he runs his hands down Blaine's back and shushes him quietly. "I am! Why does he want to stay with me? Why…"

"Because he's in love with you."

And Finn's own voice chokes on that, true as it is. Kurt's fiercely determined and Finn _knows _he's never going to give up on Blaine.

So Finn won't either.

"Can…can we stay like this?" Blaine sounds like a scared child, clinging to Finn's shirt, and Finn isn't going to turn him away. There's nothing wrong with them right now.

"Yeah, dude. As long as you need," he promises and Blaine strokes his neck, fingers gentle and far more caring than they've ever been with each other as Finn twines his own fingers through Blaine's messy hair and holds him to his shoulder, the other man finally relaxing.

He hopes Kurt gets back soon.

000

The first indication Finn has that everything's going to fall apart is a strange prickling on the back of his neck as he gets ready for his dinner with Jade. It feels kind of like a mosquito, tiny legs disturbing the fine hairs there, but it's almost December and there shouldn't be any bugs in their apartment and he slaps at his neck irritably but it won't go away.

Putting it down as nothing, he picks Jade up and they go to make their reservation at this little bistro down close to the school, and the second indication he should have that everything's going to fall apart is the shiny Navigator parked in the lot, gleaming in the lamplight and Finn knew Kurt and Rachel were going out tonight but really, did they have to come _here? _

And the third indication is, of course, when Jade sees them and decides that they should all just eat together, because why not?

Kurt's staring at him from across the table, his mouth in a tight line and his eyes wider than normal, foot pressed up against Finn's because he can obviously feel the proverbial storm clouds gathering, and of _course _it would have to be Rachel that starts the fire.

"How's Blaine?" Jade asks while they wait for their beverages to arrive, one hand lightly grasping Finn's, and Kurt shrugs and glances down at his plate.

"As well as can be expected. He's going to school and rehearsal again but he's…not _there, _if you get my meaning. He's a shell of who he was in high school and I don't know how to bring him back," he fiddles with his fork, long fingers brushing down the handle, and Finn meets his sad eyes and heaves a sigh.

"He'll be fine. Trust me. I know him," Rachel clings to Kurt's arm and smiles at him and Kurt eventually smiles back, although it's pained.

"He's your leading man, after all," Kurt snarks and she nods happily at that.

"He is," she affirms before happily adjusting the napkin in her lap, brown eyes flashing with mirth and Finn wonders briefly why he let her go before remembering that they'll always be better off as friends and, truth be told, she looks happier that they are. He'd expected a bit of jealousy over Jade but so far she's behaving herself rather well.

"So," Jade looks around the table. "Rachel, you've known them for a while. Were they always this close?" she gestures and Finn and Kurt share a _look, _because _no. _

This is _not good. _

"Always?" Rachel seems blissfully oblivious to their sudden turmoil and starts _talking, _about Kurt's crush, about how he brought their parents together, about the wedding, about the _dance at the wedding, _about their senior year, about moving in together, and she doesn't _stop _and Finn just wishes for one of those fantastical ground-opening-up-to-swallow-him-whole moments because this is _it. _

There's dead silence when she finishes, the air in the room suddenly going cold, and Jade's grip on Finn's hand has turned painful as she turns to him slowly.

"You and Kurt…aren't blood-related?" her voice is pleasant enough but her eyes…_Kurt's eyes…_flash ominously and he gulps.

"No, they aren't, but sometimes I think they _believe _they are so they forget to mention it. It's no big deal!" Rachel's perky voice cuts through their staring contest and she _still _doesn't seem to feel the tension even though Kurt's foot is curved around his ankle now, his eyes scared and Finn doesn't know what to say so he's rather glad when their food arrives and breaks the strange, _strange _tension.

"I see. It's very…admirable how close they are, isn't it?" Jade's voice is dripping ice as she looks dispassionately at her pasta, and Finn has no idea what's going to happen now.

He just knows it isn't going to be good.

000

"Were you ever going to tell me?" she's stomping down the hall, throwing the door to her place open as he basically sprints after her.

"Jade, it's really…"

"Don't tell me it's 'not a big deal,' Finn Hudson!" she twirls around, the key to the front door pointed menacingly at him. "I thought it was admirable how close you and Kurt were, how accepting you were of him, but to find out that he's in love with you and you, what, put on a dress for him and sang a love song to him and slow-danced with him?"

And okay, when she puts it like that it's pretty bad, but…

"I was just being nice!" he protests. "I love him, yeah, but he really _is _my family now and that's all I see him as," his voice sounds thin and reedy in the air, like the room itself can tell he's lying, and she stops and slumps down into a chair, looking at him carefully.

"Tell me the truth, Finn. Please. Have you and he…have you ever…"

And Finn doesn't answer because his words would obviously sound like a lie, and his silence is telling enough.

"Finn," she sounds almost sympathetic now, and he wouldn't blame her if she threw a phone at him or something, because he's kind of an awful person. "And Blaine?"

His head ducks further and he sniffs, not wanting to cry because he doesn't _deserve _to cry, but all he can do is try to salvage anything he can from this. "Both of them. Not together. And not since we've started going out."

She looks almost surprised at that and he's _hurt _that she'd think he'd be cheating on her, but then…he couldn't blame her for thinking it. Not with what he's just admitted to.

"It's complicated," he finally settles on because he does _not _want to admit to anything else, and luckily she leaves it at that and comes over, drawing him into a hug he doesn't merit but he clutches at her gratefully.

"I should have guessed," her voice sounds a little thick as well and Finn feels like dirt. Or worse than dirt. Whatever that is. "The way you look at him…when you let him sit in your lap…"

"It's just…we've been through so much," Finn whispers against her shoulder. "And I feel like we keep getting stronger and it's _awesome, _but…it's kinda messed up. I don't know what to do," he admits, maybe the first time he's said it out loud, and he can tell that she cares about him at least enough to try and help him through this.

Even though she really should just kick him out and never speak to him again.

"Finn," she whispers, and he sighs heavily. "Do you love me?"

"No," he admits. "I don't…I've been hurt a lot, and I really care about you, but I don't love you yet. I can't lie about that," he tries to draw away but she keeps him close.

"I had to admit I was suspicious," she says, sounding almost self-deprecating, her tone dry. "When I saw Blaine's hair? Kurt's eyes? I thought it was maybe coincidence, but now…Finn," she tips his head up so they're looking at each other. "I care about you. A lot. And I can tell that all three of you are unhappy right now, but I think it's best if we call this off."

"But…"

"I'll still be here for you. As a friend," she emphasizes and he lets himself slump against her. "Come here," she leads him to the couch and sits him down, grabbing his hands and looking at him seriously. "Whatever's going on with Blaine and Kurt right now is where you need to be, and I know this is eating you up inside because you're an uncommonly nice man and that's just how you are. But you can't make everybody happy."

"I know. Look where it got me," he mutters and she pats his knee lightly.

"If you figure it out and you want to give this a try again, then I'll be willing to, because I know I won't regret it with you. But if you decide you want them…"

"Not gonna happen," Finn grumbles, knowing that it's true. If Blaine or Kurt find out what he's been doing with the other…everything's over.

They'll never talk to him again. Blaine, maybe, but Kurt won't.

And he can't lose Kurt. It would break him.

"Regardless, I need some time to think about this, too. And I'll probably be much angrier when I wake up tomorrow so maybe it's best if you go?"

She says it as a suggestion but her meaning couldn't be clearer, so he nods and accepts the chaste kiss she gives him before getting to his feet and stumbling toward the door.

"Goodbye, Finn," she pats his chest before ushering him into the hall, and he goes lethargically and watches the door close, feeling utterly numb, standing there for a few moments just staring at it as if he can will it open.

…He's starting to understand why Blaine loves the bottle so much, if it can take all these feelings away, and it's that unsettling thought that he keeps with him all the way to his apartment.

**Notes:**

**1. **For anybody wondering, the big reveal happens next chapter. You all know what reveal I'm talking about. It's not going to be pretty. Fair warning.

**2. **Also, I love that people are reading this fic and (seemingly) enjoying it, but the last couple of chapters have been very light comment-wise so if you'd be so kind as to just…tell me what you're thinking, I'd truly appreciate it! This fic is…very different for me, obviously, because if you read my porny Kublinn one-shot I posted yesterday that's how I normally write them so to have them like this is really odd, and I appreciate all the feedback I can get!


	9. Chapter Eight

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 8/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2133  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Undisclosed Desires **

**Chapter Eight**

Blaine hears the door open and slam, unusually harsh for Kurt, and he lifts his head and turns on the sofa to look toward the entrance where his boyfriend is rather viciously pulling off his boots and jamming the hanger back into the closet once he's gotten his coat off.

He's muttering a number of uncomplimentary things as he stomps to the kitchen, gripping the counter so hard his knuckles are white and his teeth are bared in a rictus of anger that's almost scary to behold before he storms into the living room and sits down beside Blaine, the smaller man reaching out for him and starting to stroke his hair as Kurt flopped onto him.

"Hey," he murmurs. "What's wrong? Dinner with Rachel not go well?"

"Oh, dinner went fine. Running into Finn and Jade at the bistro? Did not go fine," he growls and Blaine keeps stroking his hair, wrapping him in the blanket that was around his shoulders and leaning to brush a kiss against his forehead.

"What happened?" Blaine's still trying to calm him because Kurt being angry frightens him a little, and he runs his hands down the other man's arms and feels him relax slightly against him.

"I can't even blame Finn for this because I do it all the time as well, but…he never told Jade we were stepbrothers. She thought we were…"

"Oh," Blaine sighs, because he could see why this would matter: there's a big difference between letting somebody sit in your lap when you've grown up together and letting somebody sit in your lap when your parents got married when you were seventeen. "She didn't take that well?"

"Not only that, Rachel had to tell her _the whole story,"_ Kurt emphasizes, fingers curled into the blanket, and Blaine winces at that because, again, knowing that Kurt was in love with Finn and now Finn lets him so close? Must have been even worse.

And Blaine's not entirely comfortable with how close they are either, not after he'd heard the entire tale from Kurt, but since he's the one that's been having sex with Finn for the past however many months he doesn't think it's his place to ever mention it.

"Did they go home together?" he whispers into Kurt's hair and Kurt nods shortly, his head falling against Blaine's shoulder as he finally lets his body relax and snuggles completely against Blaine, reaching to catch his lips in a feather-light kiss.

"Yes. But she was livid, and I've got a feeling she only took him home to break up with him there," Kurt looks more distraught than Blaine would have thought, because as far as he knew Kurt was rather indifferent to Jade, but perhaps it was more a matter of Finn being unhappy.

Personally, and Blaine's gut roils at the knowledge of this,_ he'll_ be happy if they break up.

Because that means he can have Finn inside of him again.

And it makes the bile rise in his throat for those thoughts to run through his mind with Kurt…his wonderful, beautiful, completely perfect _Kurt…_in his arms, but right now, he needs it.

And he needs it badly.

000

He wakes up when he hears the front door slam again, the bang echoing through the condo and Kurt makes a tiny noise of discomfort in his ear, arms tightening around Blaine's waist as the smaller man gently eases out of Kurt's hold and pads out of the bedroom.

Finn's hanging up his coat, swaying a little, and Blaine can smell the booze from where he's standing and it makes his gut clench uncomfortably.

Finn can't be drinking.

He can't.

"Finn?" he asks softly and Finn snuffles and looks up, a darker shadow against the darkened room, Blaine padding across the open space to hit the kitchen light and flood the room with a harsh fluorescent glow.

Finn winces, eyes bloodshot and face pale, and Blaine moves closer and grabs his arm.

"Please tell me you haven't been…"

"No," Finn assures him. "I had a beer. That's it. I didn't…Kurt told you?" he blinks, seeming out of it but not really drunk, which Blaine is grateful for.

Not that he's one to talk.

"Yeah, he told me. So you and Jade…" Blaine runs his fingers along a seam in the countertop, picking at a raised edge (Kurt had been adamant about granite granite granite but of course living in New York didn't afford him the luxuries he was used to) as he looks up at Finn.

"Yeah. She broke up with me. Said that I just had too much baggage, with Kurt 'n everything, and I kinda do, but…" he slumps into a chair, leaning his elbows on the table and huffing a sigh. "I didn't wanna come home right away so I went to the bar, which is why I stink," he wrinkles his nose.

"I didn't think you'd be one to drink yourself under the table considering…" Blaine tries for a wry smile but it falls off of his face almost instantly, the unspoken 'what happened to me' still filling the silence as if he had screamed it.

"Nah. I'm not into that anyway," Finn watches him almost warily as he takes a seat beside the older man, reaching for his hand and Finn lets him take it with a rather suspicious look, but this close Blaine can see the hurt in Finn's eyes and he almost, _almost _doesn't ask his next question.

"So…if you're single…does that mean…" he skims his fingers over Finn's palm in a gentle but deliberate touch and Finn lets out a heavy breath.

"I dunno, dude. I mean…the fact that I had her meant we could stop, and that was awesome because we weren't hurting Kurt anymore. I never wanna hurt him," Finn says honestly, nothing but truthful, and Blaine doesn't want to hurt him either but it's inevitable at this point that he has and will.

He's truly despicable, but it's Finn or the bottle and Finn's less likely to kill him at this point.

"But you said when you weren't single…"

"Look, man, if you wanna cheat on him, that's your business, and I should totally kick your ass for it but I can't 'cuz I'm pretty much at fault too," Finn admits and Blaine nods in understanding. "But I don't know if I wanna go back. I mean, it'd have to change."

"Change how?" Blaine raises an eyebrow, rather suspicious but if it means that Finn can give him what he needs again he'll consider it.

"Because I can't just hurt you," Finn says, sounding rather determined and Blaine's eyes snap up to meet his own. "I…I care about you, man. I mean, I'm not in love with you, but I can't pretend you're just a body. I can't."

"I…" Blaine stops, because this is his out. He _wants _to just be a body; he _wants _Finn to use him like he doesn't care, although the fact is that he's certainly a little attracted to Finn. But doing this…

"I can be as rough as you want me to be. But you can't push me away. You're not a monster," Finn reaches to cup his cheek, his fingers freezing and Blaine shivers at the touch although it's comforting in a way. "And I'm not going to pretend you're just some nobody. If you can't accept that, then maybe you need to go out and find somebody who _will _use you like you're worthless, but if you can…"

And Blaine can say no. He can say no and end this, but he knows in his heart he can never just go out and be a random one-night stand for somebody. It's Finn or alcohol, and Finn's fingers burn him hotter than the liquid sliding down his throat ever will, his touches more soothing than the haze that drunkenness gives, and he realizes that it's really not a question at all.

"Yes," he murmurs, eyes locking with Finn's again, and Finn grips his wrist and pulls him closer. "Please. When…"

"The next time he's out," and Finn's eyes are brimming with tears, a clear indication of how much it hurts to do this and Blaine feels guilty, because he knows Finn feels he _has _to in order to keep him from straying off his newfound path of sobriety.

That's not it, not anymore, even though it's a part of it, and Finn yanks him to his feet and pulls him into a firm hug as Blaine clutches at him.

"Can you wait until then?" Finn murmurs into his hair, and even though he smells like stale booze there's still so much comfort in that embrace.

"Yeah. I'll be fine," Blaine promises, stepping away and heading back to his own bedroom, hoping that Kurt isn't awake enough to realize what he stinks of.

Guilt still plagues him as Kurt rolls and embraces him on instinct, and Blaine twines his fingers with the other man's and hopes that, somehow, they can all work this out.

He thinks he owes it to both of them.

000

It takes a few days for Kurt to have another night out, mostly because he's been avoiding Rachel since the bistro incident, but one night he's going out with some friends from class for dinner and Blaine makes some excuse as to why he can't, Kurt clicking his tongue sympathetically and laying a gentle hand on Blaine's forehead, and if he's burning up it's not from fever, it's from the shame of knowing what he's about to do.

The door's barely closed behind him when Finn strolls out of the bathroom, freshly showered and with a towel slung low around his hips, and Blaine's across the kitchen in an instant as Finn lets out an almost-pained 'oof' as the smaller man collides with him.

"Hey, easy," Finn laughs and pulls Blaine closer, arms settled over his shoulders. "So. My room?"

"We can't really do it in mine," Blaine replies wryly and Finn shrugs his agreement and hoists him up, Blaine's legs locking around his waist as he carries him to the bedroom and lays him down on the bed, grabbing the lube and condoms from the bedside table and discarding the towel as Blaine scrambles out of his shirt and pulls Finn closer. "So…" he pauses, unsure of what to do now.

Everything they've ever done has been bathed in a red haze of lust but this time they're both slower, more careful, and Blaine brushes his fingers through Finn's hair and wonders if this is really a good idea.

There's too many emotions coming into play right now and it's more than a little frightening, making his heart hammer in his chest as Finn dips his head.

"Can I kiss you?" Finn whispers, bending close, and Blaine thinks about it for a moment. Finn's obviously okay with kissing or else he wouldn't have asked, but does he want that last level of intimacy?

The answer's obviously clearer to his body than his brain because he's already reaching out, pulling Finn in and fitting their lips together and Finn's oh-so-gentle, moving his lips and tongue slowly and Blaine melts into it, the urgency suddenly gone from his body and he lazily drapes his arms around Finn's shoulders, kissing him back.

Finn helps him out of his pants, reaching for the lube, and everything's unhurried, so different from how they usually are, as Blaine pushes against Finn's chest to get him to stop.

"Wait."

"Hmm?" Finn's eyes are dark with lust and something that Blaine knows is actual emotion, and he kisses him softly again before scrambling to his knees.

"I want to be on top."

"Yeah, sure," Finn lies back and everything's still so careful, Blaine sinking down and even though he still feels like he needs to be taken and used, he's relaxing into it and Finn's just…_different _than Kurt. Not better, not comparable, but just…different.

He braces a hand on Finn's chest and Finn arches up to catch his lips once more as he begins to move, circling his hips, and Finn's hands come up to steady him as they move.

He's so lost in the moment, looking into Finn's eyes, that he doesn't register the front door open or the footsteps crossing the kitchen floor, and by the time he hears, "Finn, did you take money from my wallet again? I could have sworn I had another…"

And it's like his world shatters, closing his eyes and trying to will it away, but he hears a tiny, broken sob by the door and then the front door slamming, and all he can do is meet Finn's eyes and see the same horror reflected back at himself.

It's over.

**Notes:**

**1.** Yes. Drama. But it had to happen sooner or later…

**2. **For anybody who's wondering, I have drawn a (very poor) floor plan of the condo if you want to get your bearing: img822(.)imageshack(.)us/img822/8421/condooutline(.)jpg

**3. **Once again, thank you all so much for the encouragement on this story! It's really needed because I'm still very unsure about it :)


	10. Chapter Nine

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 9/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2100  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Nine**

"You look like crap."

"Thank you for the astute observation," Kurt sniffs, nose a little plugged and eyes far too red from crying almost the whole way over, and the other man doesn't speak another word as he opens the door to his dingy apartment and ushers Kurt in, not saying anything at all until they're settled at the rickety table with mugs of weak tea, Kurt sipping at it carefully because it's hot if nothing else.

"So. You wanna talk about it?"

"No," Kurt says immediately before the words come tumbling out unbidden and then it's _everything, _everything that's happened since he's moved to New York and everything he's feared and everything he wishes for that won't ever be. "And it's not that…I'm not angry because they're doing it, because I did the same thing to Blaine but…but I'm angry because Finn and I made a commitment to stop and I would have assumed that had anything else been going on they would have made the same decision. And this wasn't…it wasn't just sex. The way they were looking at each other…" he shivers and curls into himself, the tea not doing anything to warm him, and the man across from him reaches out a hand and places it on top of Kurt's. "I know they fight and reconcile a lot and that they're friends…mostly…but if…"

"There might be more to it," the other man says quietly, gently rubbing the back of Kurt's hand with his thumb. "You need to talk to them, Kurt."

"Not tonight," Kurt decides immediately. "I'll break down if I do, I know it. I need to…to think about it. It's funny," he adds with a horribly self-deprecating laugh as he gulps at the tea, wanting it to burn on the way down. "It's funny because I always thought I didn't deserve either of them. But now it turns out that maybe we all deserve each other more than we realize. We're all cheaters."

He pauses to take another sip of the liquid, slower this time, and sets down the cup with an audible 'clank' on the plastic (he's pretty sure it's plastic) table.

"I guess…" he shakes his head. "Maybe I should have expected it. Finn and Blaine _have _been unusually close lately and Finn cares about Blaine more than he rightly should but I wouldn't have…and they've both cheated before…"

"Wait, Blaine cheated on you?" the other man raises an eyebrow and Kurt grips his hand harder and looks down.

"Not in so many words. And not physically. But after Sebastian showed up and practically every time they interacted suddenly Blaine was _so _much more interested in getting intimate with me, and I can't help but think…" he stops, because that's really unfair to Blaine, but something in his head has never quite equated Blaine's insistence that they should both be comfortable to Blaine meeting Sebastian to Blaine suddenly deciding they needed to get moving _now _and he hates himself for thinking that, almost, but he knows on some level it's true.

"Yeah," his companion agrees and Kurt collects his thoughts and keeps talking.

"And I never saw myself as the type to cheat, but then I never saw Finn as the type to cheat either after what Quinn and Rachel did to him and then he cheated with Quinn while she was dating…"

"Me," he gets a wry smile for that one and smiles in return, although he feels sick to his stomach and his thoughts are still running a million miles a minute.

He can't blame either of them, and yet he still is, because it _hurts _to know that Finn wanted to break things off with him but still keep some sort of sexual intimacy with Blaine. He doesn't want to lose either of them, but the knowledge that maybe he's already _lost _them has fresh tears forming and he covers his face and sobs, feeling worn out and drained and wanting nothing more than to fall asleep in somebody's arms but he can't and it's killing him.

"Hey," Kurt feels fingers grip his again and looks up, blinking away tears as the man across the table gives him a smile. "You can stay here for as long as you need to, okay? I mean, I don't have much, but what's mine is yours. Literally. I think I've still got some of your clothes that you can wear if you want…"

"Sam Evans, those pieces are _five years _out of fashion by this point. Or more," Kurt sniffs but he can't help smiling, and he always _had _loved that hemp coat.

"Yeah, you'll be fine," Sam shakes his now-brown hair out of his eyes and stands. "More tea?"

"I'm good."

"It's kinda like water anyway," Sam wrinkles his nose and takes the cup into the kitchen to wash it out as Kurt thanks whatever higher power might possibly be out there for the other man. Sam being in New York is as much of an enigma as anything, but he's going for an education degree and, Kurt has to admit, he can't see a better fit for somebody as giving and good-natured as Sam is, even after everything he's gone through in his life. "So. You tired?"

"More than a little," Kurt admits, but Sam's place is so small the bed doubles as a couch and he's not sure they're quite comfortable enough with each other for…that.

"Let's get some rest, then," Sam opens a closet and Kurt winces at how horribly his clothing is organized and how wrinkled it's no-doubt getting before the other man backs up and passes him a t-shirt and a pair of sweats. "They're clean, I promise. And I've got some of Finn's old clothes here too but I figured you wouldn't want those…considering…" he shrugs and Kurt has to give him points for being considerate as he changes quickly in the washroom and splashes some water on his face, forgoing his routine because he has none of his supplies.

By the time he gets out Sam's under the covers and is watching something on a tiny, static-y television, the sound cutting in and out, and Kurt sniffs the collar of his shirt experimentally, only smelling detergent and deciding that this is as good as it was going to get.

He slides into bed and tries not to tense when Sam slings an arm around him and pulls him close, resting his cheek on Kurt's hair.

"You looked like you needed a hug. This is all totally No Homo, though," he adds with a smile and Kurt elbows him gently before accepting the embrace.

He needs it.

000

"You have to go," Blaine's words cut through the haze in Finn's mind, the litany of words and sounds and the broken, _broken _noise Kurt had made before he'd rushed out, and he barely registers them as he blinks muzzily at the other man.

Somehow he's in his clothes again, a duffel bag over his shoulder although he won't be able to tell you how it got there, the world seeming like moving through syrup and he's drowning, chest tightening up because he _knew _he shouldn't have done anything with Blaine and now Kurt's going to think that he's willing to sleep with Blaine and not him and that's not true but he thought it would be best and…

"_Finn!" _Blaine grips his shoulders and rubs gently. "Breathe! Calm down, it's going to be okay," his voice is shaking in a way that tells Finn he's just saying the words as reassurance and not because he believes them, but Finn appreciates it regardless. "Look," Blaine hugs him quickly but Finn grips onto him before he can let go, needing that last bit of comfort. "If he comes back tonight, I need to be the one to talk to him. Don't worry. We'll work this out."

"You don't believe that…"

"I have to," Blaine gives him a last squeeze before letting him go and Finn stumbles blindly out of the apartment, hoping he can keep his wits about him long enough to drive somewhere, and right then he can only think of one place to go.

000

"I hope you don't expect me to feel sorry for you," Jade's obviously been dragged out of bed, her hair a mass of wild curls and a frown on her face that lets Finn know that she does _not _appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night for this.

"I don't," Finn slumps forward on the table, murmuring something against the wooden surface and _he's _not even sure what he's saying.

"You're going to have to speak English," she chides but her tone isn't frosty anymore and he looks up and gives her a tired smile.

"I know I shouldn't have done it. But he was so…_lost, _and I…"

"You wanted to make him happy," she finishes for him and he can only nod, sure he looks pitiful and about ten years younger than he is and God, he hasn't needed his mom this badly in _years. _But then, his mom is kinda Kurt's mom too, now, and she'd probably take Kurt's side and…he slumps against the table again. "Finn."

"Yeah?"

"This isn't the end. With everything you've told me…I think you and Kurt can move past this. Have you tried to get a hold of him?"

Finn pulls out his phone and checks the screen, nothing there to inform him he's missed calls, and he shakes his head mournfully. "Yeah, Blaine and I both tried, but he's not answering his phone."

"He'll come back when he's ready," she promises, smiling, and Kurt's eyes stare back at him and make him shiver. He might never see those eyes smile at him again. "Come to bed, Finn."

"You think I can sleep?" Finn asks, although he yawns immediately after and she tilts her head to the side in a rather knowing gesture.

"Bed, Finn," she repeats, patting his shoulder, and he follows her into the bedroom and wonders if things could have been different if he'd have told her the truth right away and if she hadn't had to hear it from Rachel.

He really does think he could have come to love her, so easily, and not just because of her hair or eyes: because of _her. _

But he'll never know now.

He strips down to his t-shirt and boxers and climbs into bed, making a pleased sound when she lets him pull her into his arms, warm and friendly and nothing more than that between them, but it's enough comfort for now and sleep comes to him easily although the roiling in his stomach doesn't cease and the aching in his heart just won't go away.

000

Blaine sinks back against the door, sliding to the floor as Finn's footsteps fade to nothing down the hall, and rubs his hands over his face.

He knew he shouldn't have ever approached Finn again. He should have accepted that Finn wanted to break things off and left it at that, but a part of him…a bigger part than he'd ever admit…had _wanted _so badly for Finn to be inside of him that it had skewed all of his reasoning and left him completely unhinged.

And for Kurt to walk in not only on them having sex, but on them kissing and damn near making love…he can't imagine what the other boy is feeling, and it tears him apart to know that he's the reason for it.

He's in the kitchen before he can stop himself, tearing through the cupboards before he remembers that Kurt's dumped all the alcohol and forbidden any in the house at all, and he almost, _almost _rushes for the bathroom because painkillers will do the trick just as well but…

He doesn't want to die.

The revelation hits him with the force of a speeding bullet train, his legs giving out as he sinks into a chair and covers his mouth, shaking.

He doesn't _want _to die.

He wants to make things right…with Kurt _and _Finn…and until he does he's got what's maybe the strongest purpose he's ever had in his life.

He sighs and gets to his feet, letting his unsteady legs carry him to the bedroom as he flops onto the bed and sticks his nose into Kurt's pillow, inhaling his lover's scent and trying to pretend that everything will be okay.

He's going to _make _it okay.

And it's that thought that sticks with him as he drops off into an uneasy slumber.

**1. **I know normally I stick to one POV per chapter, but I felt this one had to switch because everything is happening simultaneously and I wanted to get all of their feelings out there at once.

**2. **That being said, let me know what you thought :) I know it's depressing, but that's inevitable right now…


	11. Chapter Ten

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 10/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2274  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Ten**

Blaine rings the doorbell, not sure if it's even connected as his eyes follow the wires into the ceiling of the hallway. It's cold even inside the apartment building, his breath visible as it fogs in the air before him and he stamps his feet in an effort to keep moving.

This place is a Hell-hole, no two ways around it, but it's also the only place he could see Kurt coming and, present surroundings notwithstanding, the company's more than pleasant enough.

…However, he's quite sure that not-so-savoury customer outside the front door was eyeing him up rather interestedly, and the less time he has to spend here, the better.

He rings the bell again, hearing a tiny squelch from inside like the noise had tried to come out and died halfway, and there's a groan from inside before the door's pulled open.

"We thought it'd be you," Sam sighs, looking sleep-tousled and rumpled, and Blaine gulps and tries to slow his racing heart.

He doesn't want to have this conversation.

He knows it can only end one way.

"Does he…" Blaine clears his throat, trying to steel himself. "Does he…want to see me?"

"You? Yeah," Sam shrugs and leans against the doorframe, giving him a tiny smile. "He's…not too keen on seeing Finn right now, but…"

"I get that," Blaine admits, shuffling his feet and finally looking up when Sam lays a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You…you're not…I thought you'd be…"

"Mad at you? Nah," Sam shrugs, an easy smile on his face as he squeezes Blaine's arm before letting go. "There's…more to the story than you know, man. I'll let Kurt explain it, but I'm not mad at you."

"Okay," Blaine shuffles his feet again, Sam moving aside so he can enter the tiny apartment and he sees Kurt at the table, perfectly put-together as he gives Blaine a tiny smile.

"I'm gonna get changed and go out for a run, give you guys some privacy," Sam decides, obviously feeling the tension in the room as he grabs some clothes from the makeshift closet and heads for the washroom.

There's utter silence in the building until Sam emerges, grabbing a coat and gloves and taking off, and only then does Kurt clear his throat and meet Blaine's eyes.

"So," he starts, biting his lower lip and glancing off to the side, and Blaine wants to go over and comfort him but he knows that's about the worst thing he could possibly do in that moment.

"So." Blaine pauses, heaves a huge breath, and starts to explain everything: why they started hooking up, how it was supposed to be purely physical except Finn couldn't do that anymore, that it had been one of the only things keeping him sane, that the night he'd almost killed himself it was because Finn had told him no in order to stay faithful to Jade, that last night was the first time they'd kissed and actually acted like lovers instead of somebody's hook-up. His throat is dry when he finishes, breathing harsh and the air doesn't feel like it's entering his body the way it should, and Kurt's crying.

"I…" he starts, shaking his head and clenching his hands into fists before opening them, laying his palms flat on the table as he looks straight at Blaine, guilt and disbelief and so many emotions swirling through his eyes that Blaine just wants to take all of the pain away but…

But he's the cause of most of it, isn't he?

"I…I have something to tell you," Kurt shivers, entire body shaking enough that Blaine can see, and suddenly he _knows. _

"F-Finn and I…we…you're not the only one who…"

"I know," Blaine's almost amazed at how calm he sounds, how utterly expressionless, and Kurt gapes at him for a few seconds before blinking rapidly.

"You…you know…"

"I just figured it out, but maybe I should have known all along," Blaine sighs and realizes that he's not mad. He can't be, really, considering what he's done, and everything's so screwed up right now but this might be the one thing that makes _sense. _Kurt and Finn. They've always had _some_thing between them, a spark just needing a flame to light it, and with all the time they had to have spent in the condo while Blaine was still in Lima and Rachel was at rehearsals, it was really no wonder it finally lit.

It hurts a little, yes, but he's not mad.

"I just…how long? When did you stop?"

"When he started dating Jade," Kurt admits with a tiny, rueful smile. "It wasn't all the time, or even that often, but in the year you were gone we…it was comfortable. It's always comfortable with him, and not that it isn't with you, but he's…"

"Bigger," Blaine guesses, because he knows Kurt likes to be wrapped up completely and he'll never be able to do that.

"We didn't kiss, either," Kurt huffs a breath, blowing a stray hair out of his eyes as he taps his fingernails on the tabletop. "We just…the first time we did, and then we decided it was too personal, somehow, even though what we've done since is a lot _more _personal. But when he started dating Jade he told me that he wanted to do it right this time and maybe we should stop being intimate, and I agreed, knowing it was better for both of our relationships if it stopped altogether.

"That's partly why it hurt so much to see you two…so close, and so loving, and…" Kurt sniffs again, his voice choked and thick with tears and Blaine reaches on instinct to grab his hand, pleased when Kurt doesn't shake him off. "I thought that…if you and he had been doing this for a while, then why would he be back with you and not with me? And I felt used, and worthless, and it's horribly foolish of me because _I was cheating too _but for some…" he stops and bends forward, shoulders shaking as Blaine finally gives in to his own urges and crosses around the table, kneeling beside Kurt and taking both of his hands.

"It was the first time. I pushed for it. I swear, Kurt, I'd never…"

"But you did," Kurt doesn't say it maliciously but the words still cut to the bone. "You did, and I did, and _he _did especially."

"Which I still can't figure out," Blaine admits, narrowing his eyes. "Finn isn't the type of guy you'd go to with your most trusted secrets, so how could he have kept it from both of us and not looked guilty for so long? It doesn't add up."

"Because Finn's primary goal in life is making people happy. By being with us, he made us happy," Kurt has a wistful smile on his face and Blaine's willing to bet he's much the same. Yes, he'd asked Finn to hurt him and use him, but Finn never did…not really…and the one time he'd admitted to _being _hurt Finn had wrapped him up and held him and let him _be, _and really that's all Blaine could ever ask for. "If either of us would have found out about the other, we would have been _un_happy. As far as he's concerned, that's all he needs."

And to Blaine that logic, as childish as it might seem at first, makes a frightening amount of sense and it makes his heart ache a little to know that of _course _Finn would feel guilt but he thought Blaine and Kurt's happiness was bigger than that.

"Not that I want to see him," Kurt's voice breaks the silence and Blaine looks up at him. "But where is he?"

"I couldn't say. I told him to leave last night," Blaine whispers and Kurt heaves a sigh, breathing out slowly through his nose and combing his hands through Blaine's hair.

"So you stayed at the condo alone?"

"Yeah. There wasn't any alcohol," Blaine adds quickly because he knows Kurt'll be concerned about that, but Kurt's eyes are dark and he's touching Blaine a little more desperately, as if to make sure he's really there.

"Alcohol's not the only thing I'm worried about," Kurt breathes quietly, eyes wide with fear, and Blaine knows he owes him the truth.

"I thought about…" Blaine's eyes flicker around, not wanting to see the disappointment he knew would be in Kurt's own as he swallows. "Painkillers. I did. But I didn't, Kurt, I realize that…that I've got too much to live for, and until this…until _we're _okay again, I can't just throw my life away…" he stops as Kurt pulls him in, legs spreading as Blaine leans against his thigh and it's awkward and intimate and Blaine closes his eyes and just _feels. _

"I love you," Kurt murmurs into his hair and Blaine can feel wetness on his forehead, tears falling from Kurt's eyes as he sobs. "I love you _so much, _Blaine. How can you…"

"I wouldn't. I didn't. I won't," Blaine promises, fingers tightening around Kurt's as he feels tears prick his own eyes an angrily blinks them away.

He doesn't deserve to cry.

"C'mere," Kurt pulls him up and into his lap, the plastic chair creaking ominously as Blaine drapes his arms around Kurt's neck and exhales shakily.

"Where do we go from here, Kurt?" Blaine asks cautiously, because he has a feeling he knows where this is going and he's not going to like it. Kurt looks up at him and kisses him softly, the touch of his lips far too much like a goodbye for Blaine's liking.

"You know."

"We…is this…is this it?" Blaine's voice cracks and he _does _cry now because he can't help it. Kurt's his first boyfriend, his first love, his first _everything _and he can't give that up.

"No," Kurt shakes his head. "We're not breaking up. We're just…taking a break. Until we figure out what we really want and if we can move forward from this. We've never broken up before," Kurt says it almost like a revelation, tilting his head to the side. "Maybe it's time to step back. We were friends long before we were boyfriends, and I think maybe it's time we re-learn _why _we changed our relationship in the first place."

And Blaine has to admit that this makes an awful lot of sense, nodding shortly because no matter how hard it will be, he does agree. "_Take a chance and don't ever look back_, right?"

"Right," Kurt laughs and rests their foreheads together, both of them quietly breathing in sync for a while. "I'm going to stay here for a couple of days, and maybe then I'll be ready to talk to Finn. I am, however, mourning the fact that this place has neither my wardrobe nor my facial products," he sighs dramatically and Blaine smiles and leans in to kiss him before remembering that no, they can't do that, but Kurt obliges him regardless, deepening the kiss for a moment before pulling away.

"I could bring some stuff over for you. You…" Blaine pauses, one hand stroking Kurt's chest almost convulsively. "You _are _coming back, right?"

"Blaine Anderson!" Kurt sounds nearly scandalized, mouth dropping open. "Do you think I could live _long-term _in a place such as this?"

Good old Kurt, Blaine thinks, but one more thing is niggling at his brain and he voices it cautiously. "Kurt, you do realize we'd…be sharing a bed…"

"We shared a bed before we started dating. I don't expect you to remember but you were drunk, but the fact remains that I can share a bed with you and control myself. We'll be fine," he promises and Blaine can only believe him; believe that somehow this is all going to turn out all right. "Now, I need some coffee desperately and I think there's a semi-decent place around the corner. You want anything?"

"I'm fine," Blaine gets off of his..._friend's…_lap and stands up, clasping his hands and giving Kurt a hopefully reassuring smile as Kurt stands and exits the room, the door closing behind him sounding far too final but Blaine doesn't feel the soul-crushing despair he'd feared.

He feels…almost hopeful that they _can _work it out.

Somehow.

The door opens soon after and Sam comes in, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and gulping about half of it back before sighing and sitting at the table, taking one look at Blaine before saying, "So talk."

Blaine does, the words spilling out of him before he can stop them, but when he's done he realizes he's got a smile on his face and it feels almost _strange _to be smiling after he'd just effectively kind-of broken up with the man he's in love with, but for once everything is out in the open and there's no more secrets.

They can move forward.

"You'll be fine," Sam promises, grinning, sweat-soaked hair stuck to his forehead as he shakes his head and musses it even more. "Trust me, man. I went through three girlfriends in a year, after all, and I can tell that you and Kurt aren't like that. You guys're gonna make it."

"Thank you," Blaine reaches out his hand, not sure what he's asking for because he and Sam haven't always seen eye-to-eye, but Sam clasps it tightly in his own and keeps grinning at him and Blaine eventually gives up and laughs shortly, the feeling freeing and oh-so-wonderful. "I know we'll be fine, too."

They will be.

If they can make it through this, they can make it through anything.

He's certain of that.

**Notes:**

**1. **I feel like this chapter is too much talking, but I think there was a lot that needed to be said and I think it ended on a more hopeful note than many of the previous chapters, so I suppose that's a good thing?

**2. **Thank you all again for all of the wonderful feedback and comments; they mean so much to me!


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 11/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2092  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Eleven**

Kurt slips into the condo, heaving a giant breath and trying to calm his racing heart. He's purposely picked a time when Finn will be home so he can't run away, and he knows he's got to face him sooner rather than later.

He knows why Finn did what he did. He and Finn were never together. He should technically be far more angry with Blaine than he should be with Finn, but for some reason it's not working that way and what Finn did feels far more like a betrayal than anything Blaine has done.

Sneaking across the condo, he doesn't know why he's still trying to hide when of _course _Finn would have heard the door open (and he really, _truly _needs to do a proper facial routine. He bets his skin is horrible) but he still squeaks in surprise when Finn calls out.

"Blaine? That you, man? I thought you had…" he stops and Kurt forces himself to turn, Finn looking haggard and old and like he hasn't slept for a week, hair in complete disarray, wearing an old Titans T-shirt and his whole body slumps as he looks at Kurt. "Oh. Hey."

"Hello, Finn Hudson," Kurt replies, the words that were once flirty coming out dead to his own ears and Finn visibly flinches at the name. Kurt turns away again, seeing Finn causing a vise to close around his chest and suddenly it's hard to breathe.

He can't do this. Not now.

"I thought you were never coming home," Finn sounds hoarse, voice more than a little broken, and Kurt forces himself to spin around and look at him, trying to feel nothing because in truth he feels far too much.

"You thought I would live on meagre supplies and with only three outfits for the rest of my life?" he sets a hand on his hip and raises an eyebrow, cool and sarcastic and not betraying any of what he was truly feeling.

"Yeah, I guess that wouldn't work, huh?" Finn scratches his head. "So you're just here to pick up stuff, then?"

"No," Kurt shakes his head. "This is my home as well, and I'm still going to live here provided we can all co-exist without breaking down every five minutes." He really hadn't meant to add the last part but Finn chuckles wryly and shrugs in what can only be agreement.

"I feel like I've gotta explain…"

"You don't. I know why you did it, and I don't need to hear it from you," Kurt brushes him off.

"Y-you do? You…"

"Finn Hudson, on an eternal mission to make people happy even at the expense of his own conscience," Kurt says airily before turning again and going into his and Blaine's bedroom. He starts hanging up some of the clothing that Blaine had brought over for him, knowing that he'll need to wash all of it but not feeling the inclination at that moment.

He just wants to sleep, even though he'd slept remarkably well with Sam, but there's nothing like his own bed.

Even if it's a little tainted knowing that he'll be sharing it with just his 'friend' Blaine as opposed to his 'boyfriend' Blaine.

"Look, Kurt, it wasn't like I wasn't gonna…keep doing stuff with you if you wanted, but Blaine needed me, man! He was…"

"Trust me, I've heard the whole story," Kurt cuts him off because he _really _doesn't think he'll be able to stomach hearing it again. He feels sick already. "So drop it. It's over. It happened, and we all need to move on."

"…Okay," Finn finally whispers, shuffling his feet, and Kurt steels himself before asking his next question even though he knows it has the potential to break him entirely.

"I need to know one thing, though."

"Yeah?"

"Do you love him?" Kurt turns, forcing himself to meet Finn's eyes and not look away, and Finn swallows as his eyes soften and he blinks rapidly.

"Not like I love you."

Kurt breaks their staring contest because that's the last thing he needed to hear even though he'd suspected it for some time now, and he goes back to putting clothes away as Finn makes a soft, questioning noise.

"Kurt?"

"That's not an answer," Kurt growls, his voice coming out much harsher than he'd expected.

"Yeah, okay, I care about him a lot. I dunno if it's love, but when he almost killed himself…I felt like it was my fault 'cuz I wouldn't sleep with him. So…if that happens again, if he comes to me, can I…"

Kurt hiccups, finding it hard to breathe for a few seconds, because _no. _

No, if Finn and Blaine start up something sexual…

He won't make it. He can't.

"I won't tell you no," Kurt's voice breaks and he hates himself for it, because he truly has no hold on Finn or Blaine and no right to tell them what or what not to do. "I can't. He's not my boyfriend, so if you want to…"

"It would hurt you, wouldn't it?" Finn asks knowingly and Kurt nods because he doesn't want to hide anymore. "You still love him."

"I always will. It's just best for us to be apart for a while," Kurt replies, stuffing clothes in the closet with much more force than he normally would. "All of us," he adds as he hears Finn take a step closer, and there's a five second pause while he's holding his breath, part of him wanting Finn to come to him and the other knowing that it will only be for the best if he leaves.

The sound of his footsteps shuffling away hurts far more than it should.

000

Kurt wakes up warm, comfortable, Blaine's arm around him and the fingers of one hand splayed across his chest in a gesture that's so familiar Kurt's heart starts to ache.

He should move. He should move, not wake Blaine up, and pretend that it never happened. He should…

But he knows Blaine's awake by the irregularity of his breathing, can feel the tenseness of his body because Kurt knows that _he _knows Kurt's awake as well and he's just waiting for Kurt to push him off or berate him for his boldness, and Kurt can't bring himself to do that.

Not when his feels so right.

"Morning," Blaine murmurs softly, lips touching the back of Kurt's neck far too lightly to be called a kiss as Kurt rests his hand over Blaine's, just touching.

"Morning," Kurt replies, resisting the urge to add a 'baby' to the end of that because it's not appropriate in the least.

"Sleep well?" Blaine shifts so he's further away from Kurt but still touching, and the sudden rush of cold air against Kurt's back is startling and _wrong _and he pushes back until Blaine's snugly against him once more. "Kurt…"

"Just…right now? Just let me," Kurt's breathing harsher, knowing he's being an utter fool about all of this but he can't let Blaine go so easily. And knowing that Finn's _willing _to start something with Blaine just guts him from the inside, so he takes Blaine's hand in his own, twining their fingers and setting it about his heart.

"We can't," Blaine protests, his voice cracking a little with suppressed emotion, and Kurt nods but doesn't move.

He knows they can't.

That's not stopping him.

"Dudes, it's like noon, are you guys getting…" Finn's voice trails off as he sees them and he stops, eyes darting away and Kurt wonders just how _easy _it could be if they could just forget everything and…

And what?

He's not even sure, but he knows that it's only a fantasy.

Still…

He works his free hand out from under his body, holding it out as he hears Blaine inhale sharply, and Finn walks forward as if in a trance, his own hand reaching out warily as if he doesn't quite trust Kurt to not pull away.

They haven't touched in days.

The first brush of Finn's fingertips against his own sets a jolt of desire through his body and he closes his eyes and shivers, not wanting to think too closely about what all of this means. Finn kneels by the bed, clasping his hand fully, and Kurt stares at him with a tiny smile on his face.

"What's going on?" Finn asks slowly, as if he thinks this is all just a dream, and Kurt has to admit that it nearly feels like one.

"I don't know," he admits. "But right now I'm going to pretend that this…that it's okay," he stammers and pulls Finn closer so he's pressed against the bed, seeing Finn and Blaine exchange a glance and no, he's got no clue what's happening but as long as he's here, in this moment, it _is _okay.

"Okay," Finn sighs and folds against the bed, one arm coming up around Kurt's shoulders as best it can, and he can feel Blaine shift a little and knows that he's touching Finn's arm, and he's reminded of that night not so very long ago with the three of them on the couch, comfortable and easy and it feel _nice, _even though he knows that really he shouldn't trust either of them.

But Finn's smiling at him and Blaine's _actually _kissing the back of his neck now, and it's too much and not enough and he lets himself float until the moment's passed.

He can't do anything else.

000

Things between them change after that, the mood in the condo less tense and anticipatory of something horrible and more easy, and Kurt imagines that this is what it's like for three friends to live together…a regular bachelor pad, in a way, although within the safety of their bed he and Blaine come together and do more than they should, but nothing too much.

They touch a lot, mapping each other's bodies by feel but it never goes farther than that although Kurt sometimes desperately wants it to. There's less urgency and more intimacy in their movements now, a kind of strange carefulness that makes his breath catch and he feels like his heart's in his throat when Blaine touches him so gently.

The day he wakes up with Blaine's hand under the waistband of his pants, resting gently just above his definitely-interested cock, he thinks that maybe it's easier on all of them if he just gives in. He resists, although it's hard, gripping Blaine's wrist and sliding his hand out although Blaine's fast asleep and probably didn't consciously plan it, and he keeps the other man's arms draped around his waist and goes back to sleep for a little while, wondering if it's worth it to keep fighting so hard.

000

He gets home one day from coffee with Rachel, exhausted after listening to her inane chatter for the last two hours, and smiles when he hears the familiar voices of college football announcers from the television in the living room.

Finn's been great. It's easy for the two of them to co-exist because they'd done it for over a year before moving to New York in the first place, and falling back into being brothers instead of occasional lovers hasn't been nearly as taxing as he would have first thought.

Finn still touches him, casually, ruffling his hair or grabbing him in impromptu hugs that wrinkle his shirts, and he feels the all-too-familiar annoyance mixed with just a hint of longing he always had, and he knows he can live with that.

"So who's winning?" he calls out, hearing Finn making a shushing sound at him and he enters the living room to find Blaine asleep with his head on Finn's lap, the other man with one finger held to his lips.

"He crashed after he got back from work. I didn't wanna wake him up," Finn whispers and Kurt looks at them both with a smile before going to set down his bag and remove his coat, grabbing a can of diet pop from the fridge before he squeezes his way onto the couch and lies so his head is on Finn's chest, Finn complaining about 'my legs are gonna fall asleep with both of you on them!' but he doesn't make any motion to move away.

"Hush," Kurt lets his fingers trail through Blaine's hair and sighs in contentment.

No, not everything's fixed, but right now he's almost happy.

And considering everything he's gone through in the past few months, that's a rare feeling.

**Notes:**

**1. **I think this might be the most hopeful chapter yet! And yes, I promise things will continue to get better :)

**2. **I didn't get a whole lot of feedback on the last chapter so please don't be afraid to leave me a comment/review and tell me what you thought! I'm not a scary person, I promise!


	13. Chapter Twelve

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 12/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2171  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Twelve**

"I always thought you two would last forever," Rachel admits over coffee a few days later, hands clasped around her cup and she doesn't know the whole story; _can't _know the whole story because that would mean she'd know Finn wasn't entirely faithful to her and it's not Kurt's place to tell her that.

"So did I, but…these things happen," he shrugs and she gives him a bit of a glare, eyes narrowed and lips pursed.

"Your boyfriend sleeping with your stepbrother is not something that 'happens' all that often, Kurt," she says snippily. "Do I need to talk to them?"

"No, Rachel, you don't. Because I wasn't entirely innocent either," he knows he has to tell her this much, that she can't go off on Blaine and Finn when she doesn't know at least part of the story, but he won't tell her when he and Finn started.

That's up to Finn, if he ever wants to, even though they all know that Finn and Rachel are done forever.

To his surprise, however, instead of blowing up Rachel's eyes widen and she squeals into her hand. "I knew it! I knew you'd hook up one day! Ever since the wedding I was suspicious and I thought maybe it was just a phase he was going through but it didn't really stop…"

"Breathe," Kurt implores and she does, taking a gasping breath before smiling at him. "And weren't you the one telling me that I'd never have a chance with him?"

"I like to think I've matured, at least a little," she replies, reaching to pat his hand. "So you and he…what does this mean?"

"I don't know. I thought…I care about him a lot, you know I do, and you know that I've never really fallen out of love, but I love Blaine, too, and they obviously care about each other enough to…sleep together," the words still taste sour in his mouth even though he's long since accepted that it had happened. "It's a giant mess, really."

"It certainly sounds that way," she admits, and there's a sadness in her eyes, a definite maturity that he can only attribute to New York because it certainly was never there in Lima, and even though dinner with Jade that night had proven that she still sometimes speaks before it's proper to do so, he knows she's a good person to talk to about this. "Look, Kurt, I don't…when I cheated on Finn with Puck, I was willing to sleep with him just to get back at Finn. It wasn't because I loved him, or because I _wanted _to share that with him, but that wasn't what was on my mind at the time."

"So you're saying…"

"That I don't think Blaine and Finn did it for malicious reasons. I don't think _you _and Finn did what you did for malicious reasons. So that's the difference," she decides, nodding as this is some great epiphany and taking a sip of her drink. "That almost makes it more difficult, though."

"Because I can't hate either of them," Kurt replies, head tilted forward as he closes his eyes.

It's all so exhausting.

"So what are you going to do?" she asks after a few moments of comfortable silence, and he shrugs and looks up to meet her eyes.

"What _can _I do? Play it by ear, I suppose. It will kill me if they decide to start something, but it's not up to me…"

"You know you always have a place to stay if you have to get out," she offers. "The girls I live with have a pretty strict no-male-roommates policy, but…I think they'll bend the rules where you're concerned."

"I would hope so," Kurt snorts and then Rachel giggles, both of them laughing after a bit.

It's nice, and it feels freeing, but it doesn't fix a single thing.

And that's not good.

000

"So things are okay?"

"No. Yes. Kinda," Finn tilts his head to the side because he honestly doesn't _know. _Yeah, they're all really comfortable around each other, but it doesn't feel sexual anymore and quite frankly he's not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

The other night when they were all on the couch, it was just three guys sprawled out on a sofa; nothing about it was anything more than platonic, except maybe between Blaine and Kurt…but Finn honestly couldn't see them being apart for long, and every time he walks by their room in the morning (and yes, he's spying; there's really no need for him to be over there) they seem to be wrapped up in each other.

"That's really not helpful," Jade purses her lips and Finn can only laugh at himself because, no, that's not helpful at _all _but he doesn't have a decent answer to that question anyway.

"I know. But things are just…weird," he finally decides on, wrinkling his nose, because 'weird' is the only way he can describe their living arrangements at the moment. "They're still…it's like dating without the sex with them. They touch each other, like, all the time and still sleep wrapped around each other and they _act _like a couple except they never do anything…sexual," he finishes with some odd shrug of his shoulders that he's not quite sure implies anything, but she seems to understand and nods regardless.

"They're so used to it they just keep following the same patterns," she suggests and he nods, because that's pretty much what he's come up with, too. "Do you think they're going to get back together officially?"

"I wouldn't doubt it," Finn replies honestly, because he really can't see Blaine and Kurt _not _being together. He's just so used to it by now. "I don't know when, but I'd say pretty soon if the way they're going is any clue."

"It hurts you, doesn't it? Knowing that after everything they'll still be them and you'll still be just the guy they slept with a few times," her gaze is knowing and she reaches to take his hand, Finn accepting the gesture and squeezing hers in his own. Her hands are soft and slender, tinier than Kurt's but with the same lithe fingers, and God, _everything _is reminding him of them right now.

"Yeah," he admits after a few seconds, because his throat is suddenly tight. "Yeah. It does. I want…I just miss what I had with both of them. Like, it was way different but…it was good. And I never really got the chance to do all I could, y'know? With Blaine, the last time, we were on the way but then…"

"You got caught," she has a half-smile on her face that's got nothing to do with humor, and he appreciates how seriously and yet, at the same time, bluntly she's taking this situation. God, he wonders…and not for the first time…what could they have become if he hadn't screwed anything up? Would they have stayed together? Would that have been so bad?

Of course not. Jade's an amazing girl and any guy would be lucky to have her, but Finn _can't _be that guy and that scares him more than anything. Kurt's his world, has been since before he'd even realized it, and Blaine's way more important to him than he could have ever imagined and between the two of them Finn doesn't have much of himself left to give.

"Come on," Jade says suddenly, standing up and grinning at him. "Sitting around here moping certainly isn't helping you, so let's go out and grab a bite and do something fun."

"Yeah. Cool," Finn agrees, because really, she's right: at the moment, wallowing on his pity-pot isn't going to be productive at all. So he takes her hand and they leave the apartment, Finn trying to believe that, for just a second, things will turn out okay.

000

"I really don't know why I'm here," Blaine stares at his mug full of more coffee grounds than actual coffee and gets a throaty chuckle in response.

"Because obviously I'm the most stimulating source of conversation in all of New York?" Sam raises an eyebrow and Blaine shakes his head and laughs a little himself. He can't help it. "Anyway, you're here because Kurt and Finn are both out and you don't want to be alone with your thoughts, right?"

"Yeah, pretty much," Blaine admits, taking another sip of the water and coffee ground mixture. "Ugh, how can you drink this stuff?"

"Because it's all I can afford," Sam replies shortly and Blaine decides not to press the issue.

He's never known what it's like to be poor, and while he still has trouble approving of some of Sam's…life choices, he knows the other man took no pleasure in what he did and that he'd only done it to save his family. It's admirable, really, although Blaine doesn't think he'd ever be…brave enough to do that.

"Sorry. I…we always seem to come back to this, don't we?"

"Nah, man, it's cool," Sam promises, holding out his hand, and Blaine curls his fingers against Sam's and holds them there, needing that connection. "Anyway, what's on your mind?"

"Kurt."

"Obviously," Sam snorts and Blaine sighs. "Sorry. Keep talking."

"Right. Well. We're broken up, but we still _act _like a couple and it's confusing me. Honestly, we do everything except kiss and have sex, and we touch _all the time, _but we're not together. It's…it's just an instinct by now to pull him into my arms and kiss him, and we always wake up wrapped around each other and have to pretend that it's normal and it means nothing when it…means so much," he finishes with a whisper, swallowing heavily. "And Finn and I…we _could, _now that I have no obligations to Kurt, but we both know it would kill him if that happened so we can't, and…"

He pauses, breathing heavily, throat tight, and Sam folds his hand in both of his own and holds it steady.

"So, let me get this straight," he says after a few moments, eyes narrowed a little. "You love Kurt. He loves you. He loves Finn. Finn loves him. You care about Finn. Finn cares about you. Is that right?"

"Yeah," Blaine rasps out, wondering what Sam's getting at, because all of that is fairly readily apparent.

"And before…when you were with Kurt and sleeping with Finn, and he was doing the same thing…you were happy?" he questions, rubbing his thumbs along the back of Blaine's hand and Blaine sighs and relaxes under the soothing touch.

"Well, besides the choking guilt that drove me to drinking, yeah. It was…it was nice. Admittedly Finn and I tried to keep everything as emotion-free as possible, but for what it was…I was happy. If it hadn't been for…knowing I was cheating on Kurt? It was good," he realizes, and he can freely admit that.

"So…" Sam pauses, his fingers still stroking Blaine's hand, and he takes a deep breath before looking Blaine straight in the eyes and smiling. "The way I see it, why not go back to the way things were?"

"Why…" Blaine stops cold as the implications of what Sam's suggesting hit him.

Why _not _go back to the way it was? They were all happy, relatively speaking, and while his initial fear is that Kurt will choose Finn over him he knows in his heart he's not going to because he _knows _Kurt loves him, and whatever Kurt and Finn have isn't the same as what he and Kurt have.

He almost feels shocked he hadn't thought of this before, but then again, none of them have been thinking clearly for the last few weeks.

"Good idea, I take it?" Sam's smile grows and he can obviously see how Blaine's feeling clear on his face, so Blaine nods and gives Sam's hand a squeeze.

"So you're saying that we go back to sleeping with each other, except this time we'll all know about it," he clarifies and gets a blinding grin as a reply. "I think…I think that could actually work! It would stop all of us acting like our worlds had just ended, anyway, and…"

"Can't hurt to try, right? I mean, it's kinda weird, yeah, but then…"

"All of us have always been kind of weird," Blaine concedes, standing up and moving to hug Sam as the taller man wraps his arms around Blaine and holds him tight. "Thank you. I think you might have just saved this entire relationship."

"Hey, don't thank me until you bring it up with them," Sam claps him on the back and steps away, hands still gripping his shoulders. "But if you really feel like thanking me, you know money's never going to be refused."

"I'll figure something out," Blaine promises, taking his seat again, and even the swill he's currently drinking tastes a little better.

Thanks to Sam, he's got a plan.

…He just hopes Kurt and Finn will agree to it.

**Notes:**

**1.** Sorry this has taken so long to get out! I've been suffering from what I've termed 'writer's apathy' for the last couple of weeks: I can write, but nothing I'm writing is any good, so I think I've gotten a little bit of my groove back so hopefully this was okay :) Let me know what you thought!


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 13/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 1995  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Thirteen**

By the time he slips into the condo, he's not sure how exactly he's going to bring up the topic. Every way he's tried saying it in his head sounds more than a little off, and quite frankly he's half-convinced Kurt and Finn will regard him like he's crazy and not listen to him at all.

He can hear the low buzz of the TV as he closes the door, glancing up to the living room to see it flickering, the only light in the dark condo. Finn's slumped in a chair, obviously asleep, and Blaine smiles a little because he's making it too easy.

Finn's going to be far easier to convince than Kurt, after all, and if he's sleeping he'll have no defense.

Blaine pads quietly across the floor, the taller man not stirring, and slides behind the armchair before leaning over, hands trickling down Finn's bare chest (and oh, Finn's _really _making this easy) as a wrinkle appears on Finn's forehead and he murmurs something low in his throat, Blaine chuckling into his ear as he finally comes awake.

"Blaine? Wh…hey, man, what's going on?" he blinks rather adorably, still sleep-confused, and Blaine slides around the chair and into his lap, the feel of Finn's skin under his fingers after what seems like forever one of the most intimate things he's ever experienced. "Blaine…"

"Shh," Blaine tells him, knowing he needs to explain but unable to find the words right now as he reaches for Finn's lips, the man returning the kiss without hesitation although Blaine knows he's still utterly unaware of what's happening. "Just kiss me."

Finn makes a noise of murmured agreement, low and throaty, and Blaine groans and presses closer as Finn's arms finally, _finally _come around him, hands splayed against his back. "Man, this is…I don't…" Finn whispers between kisses and Blaine finally draws away enough to explain, content in Finn's arms for the time being.

"Sam. He…told me what should have been in front of our faces the whole time. He…" he stops for another kiss, unable to get enough. "He suggested that maybe we should just…go back to how we were before Kurt caught us. As in, all of us being with each other except this time there won't be any guilt or cheating because we'll all _know. _And I don't…I don't know if it'll fix anything, but it'll be better than the sneaking around and moping we've been doing for the last few weeks," he skims his fingers down Finn's arm, looking into his eyes and trying to gauge how he's taking this.

"So…we all just…go back to doing what we want?" Finn wrinkles his nose, obviously thinking, and Blaine kisses him again because he _can. _"Yeah. Yeah, okay, sure. I've…I've missed you, man. Kurt too, but…" he stops talking in order to keep kissing Blaine, hips pushing up and Blaine groans in pleasure because really, it _has _been far too long.

But Kurt could be home any second.

"Finn…Finn, stop," he urges and Finn does, trusting in a way that still makes Blaine shiver because when he's with Finn he feels like he's the one in control, like Finn will do anything for him and it's frightening and empowering all at once.

"Why?" Finn asks, lips seeking out Blaine's neck above his collar and Blaine spreads his legs and lets him, feeling his resolve weaken because Finn's touch is as intoxicating as the alcohol he used to pour down his throat and far less harmful. "Kurt's out with _Rachel, _dude. We both dated her. You know he's not coming home until later…"

"Yeah," Blaine agrees absently, because he knows it's true, and his body is aching for Finn…_somebody_…so he nods. "Okay. We have to be fast, though, because if he walks in on us again before we can explain…"

"Stop talking, then," Finn grins wickedly and surges up to kiss him, rising to his feet in the same motion as Blaine wraps his legs securely around Finn's waist and hangs on as the taller man carries him to the bedroom.

000

"We need to move," Blaine murmurs some time later, a pleasant ache in his lower body reminding him what they'd just done (and it'll probably be reminding him for a couple of days to come, because Finn was _not _gentle, but he'd asked for that. He always did with Finn).

"Mm," Finn agrees absently, his voice rumbling low in his chest and vibrating through Blaine's body, and Blaine leans in for a soft kiss, Finn's eyes warm as he possessively rests a hand on Blaine's lower back. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No," Blaine shakes his head. "I'm good. _You _were fantastic," he adds with a smirk and Finn shrugs, returning his smile lazily as his fingers skim lower, thumbs digging into the skin just above Blaine's tailbone. "Yeah. Keep…yeah," he trails off, feeling spikes of slow pleasure curl through his body. It's not arousing, not now, but it's _nice _and he's starting to realize he cares about Finn much more than he'd previously let himself believe.

"We _do _have to get up, man," Finn says after a few minutes, still rubbing languid circles on Blaine's skin, and Blaine groans in resignation and pushes himself up onto an elbow before leaning in for a heady kiss, Finn licking into his mouth in a way that makes him wish he had enough energy to go again, but Kurt knowing is more important than staging some all-night sex marathon.

At least right now.

"Alright," he staggers off of the bed and reaches for his clothing, getting respectably dressed before staggering out to the kitchen and somehow they end up curled on the couch again, Blaine half-asleep and Finn watching sports highlights when the door squeaks open and Kurt glides in, graceful and ethereal in the blue-hued light of the television as he glances over and spots them.

"Hey, ba- Blaine," he cuts himself short and Blaine has to smile at the familiarity of it all, something he hopes will be far too easy to fall back into. "What's going on?"

"You want to explain it or should I?" Blaine slurs, more asleep than he'd realized, and Finn shrugs and holds out an arm instead, Kurt looking between them curiously before curling his body behind Blaine's and snuggling up to Finn. "That works."

"Seriously, what's happening?" Kurt asks in a low voice, like he expects it all to be a joke, and Blaine groans and looks back at him, smiling softly.

"Sam. He…suggested that we go back to the way it was before. Only…no cheating. We all know," he says bluntly and Kurt wrinkles his nose, getting it in an instant.

"Wait…you and Finn…I _thought _I could smell sex on you," he rolls his eyes but Blaine doesn't think he looks mad so he takes that as a positive sign. "So that means I can kiss you?"

"Yeah," Blaine sighs, reaching to meet his mouth, and _God, _kissing Kurt feels like coming home. Everything about him is so familiar and comforting, the scent and taste of him and if he weren't so sore he'd drag him off to bed right now and have his way with him.

"Hey, dudes, remember what we talked about when Blaine moved in here?" Finn's voice cuts through the air and they break apart, more than a little embarrassed as Kurt leans his head on Finn's bare shoulder and nuzzles against his neck. "I don't care that the two of you are together, but keep the PDAs in your own room, okay?"

"Yeah. Sorry," Blaine ducks his head for a second, hearing Kurt murmur something to Finn and getting a chuckle in response, and when he looks again they're staring at each other like they don't know how to process this. "Um, if you guys want to kiss, you can. It's…I'm okay with it," he promises but Kurt shakes his head and goes back to lying on Finn's shoulder, something about his posture tenser than it should be.

Finn looks disappointed for a few seconds before shrugging and turning back to the television and Blaine tries to feel optimistic because, honestly, this should have been the perfect solution but right now it seems like Kurt's hiding something from him, and he's fairly sure it won't take long for it to surface.

000

"So I guess you're too tired to actually do something with your boyfriend. That is, if we _are _boyfriends again," Kurt mentions later on that night as they're lying in bed, and Blaine tenses because he's finally figured out what's wrong, and that thing he knew would come out sooner or later?

It's obviously sooner.

"We can still do something if you want," he tries lightly, seeing Kurt's icy glare cut through him, and he knows he's in for it now.

"I want to thank you, Blaine, for deciding to have sex with my stepbrother _before _informing me, your again-boyfriend…again, something I didn't know…that we were all suddenly in an open relationship," his voice is practically _dripping _sarcasm and Blaine flinches, keeping his hands to himself because he has a feeling Kurt doesn't want to be touched right now.

"Kurt, it's not like that, it's just…"

"I don't want your pity, Blaine," Kurt sighs. "If you want him…be with him. Don't…don't drag me into this because you feel _sorry _for me or something. You seem to desire him more than you do me, so if that's what you want, just _tell me," _his voice sounds close to breaking now and Blaine _does _reach for him, because he can't stand to see him like this, but Kurt shrugs him off. "Don't."

"Okay," Blaine moves back, eyes darting around in the darkness. "Kurt, I love you…"

"But you don't want me sexually," Kurt cuts in. "I get it. Just _say _that."

"No, that's not…Finn just…he doesn't love me like you do, so he's capable of giving me something you aren't…"

"So what can _I _give you that he never will be able to?" Kurt whispers, and Blaine pauses, because the answer is…

The answer is that he doesn't know. If he and Finn…no. No, Finn can never be what Kurt is to him, although at the moment he's not quite sure what the difference is, because everything Kurt is Finn seems would be able to be but…

But he's not _Kurt. _

Although he has a feeling that isn't what Kurt wants to hear.

"Kurt…when we broke up, you told me that…that if I wanted to be with Finn, you wouldn't stop me," he reminds the other man gently, not because he's being malicious, but because he wants to clear all of this up somehow.

"Did you honestly believe me? Did you think that I would just sit here and smile and be _happy _for you when the two men I love the most in the world were sharing something I could never be a part of?" Kurt laughs, but it's an ugly sound, broken and harsh. "Maybe that makes me selfish, but I don't want...I want _you_, but not if you don't want me in the same way," he settles on, and Blaine doesn't really have a whole lot he can say to that.

And it kills him to know that.

"Kurt," he tries, reaching out again and stroking Kurt's arm. "You…"

"I'm special. I mean more to you than him. I…" he cuts off and Blaine knows he's crying, because Kurt's an emotional person and crying isn't a rare thing for him but trying to keep it quiet _is, _so Blaine moves closer and wraps an arm around Kurt only to have Kurt wriggle away. "Don't touch me."

"Kurt, I…"

"Don't say it," Kurt sniffs, curling his body away from Blaine's and shutting him out entirely, and Blaine wonders if what he thought would fix everything has just lost him the single most important person in his life.

**Notes:**

**1. **Angst. You knew it couldn't stay happy for long. –insert evil laugh here-

**2. **Also there will be Kinn next chapter, because some of you have been asking, and for me having a story this long without them really interacting much is a rare thing so I'm going to rectify that :)

**3. **Tell me what you thought :D


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 14/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2488  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Fourteen**

Kurt wakes up, still feeling horrible, and the fact that Blaine's arm is securely around his waist like it's been for longer than he cares to remember, warm breath hitting the back of his neck, only makes it worse.

He knows he shouldn't be that upset…no, he had no claim to Blaine, especially since they'd been broken up (until last night, apparently, but this was news to him at least…), but at the same time the thought that Blaine was just waiting to get rid of him so he could hop into bed with Finn…it hurts.

"Morning," Blaine says quietly, fingers slipping under the waistband of Kurt's pajama pants to rest on the skin below his navel, and Kurt sighs and tries not to cry.

God, can't he just have _one thing _in his life he can be happy about without there being a 'but'?

No. Obviously not.

"Hey," he finally whispers, knowing his voice is wrecked, and he hears Blaine sigh and draw him closer, legs tangled and bodies pressed. "Are you going?"

"Yeah, I'm covering for somebody at the coffee shop. You can sleep as long as you want," he kisses the back of Kurt's neck softly, feather-light. "Kurt, I'm really…"

"Don't," Kurt cuts him off again, still unwilling to hear it. He doesn't quite know why he's so reluctant to try this, but something about the whole thing rubs him the wrong way. Finn and Blaine couldn't even wait to tell him before Blaine decided he needed Finn's cock in his ass to live, and then they just expect him to agree and tell him…_tell him_…that he's dating Blaine.

His lovely again-boyfriend who tells him that he's too sore from being with Finn to do anything with him.

Really, is it any _wonder _he's feeling like an outsider?

"I've gotta go," Blaine murmurs, and Kurt knows he wants a kiss so after a second he turns around, meeting sad hazel eyes and Blaine reaches for him, giving him every opportunity to pull away.

He doesn't, falling into Blaine's arms and letting himself feel like he's seventeen again and this is the first time they've been this close.

It almost works.

"I love you," Blaine murmurs. "And we're going to work this out. But go back to sleep," he urges, kissing Kurt softly before sliding out of the bed.

Kurt closes his eyes and doesn't watch him leave.

000

The next time he wakes up it's mid-morning, by his guess, and there's still somebody in the bed with him but Kurt inhales deeply, feeling the way they're wrapped around his body and knowing that it's Finn, but what is _Finn_ doing in his bed?

"Hey, man," Finn mumbles into his ear, lips skimming the skin, and Kurt sighs and reaches for the other man's hand, squeezing it lightly. "Dude, I'm really sorry about last night…"

"Don't," Kurt's getting a little tired of that word but he says it again, because he doesn't need to _hear _this again. He knows what happened. That's enough.

"Okay," Finn let his hand slip away, shifting it to Kurt's hip and resting there almost possessively. "Do you mind if I stay?"

"It's fine," Kurt promises, because truth be told Finn feels…_nice. _He always has. There's just…something safe in the way Finn holds him, in how Finn _can _hold him because of how _big _he is, and there's nothing else quite like it. "Can you…I know we haven't talked much since…"

"Yeah," Finn agrees, knowing how that sentence will end, and Kurt blinks in the thin shaft of winter sunlight bleeding through the curtains and finally speaks again.

"Can you just…tell me what Blaine means to you? What you and he are to each other? He told me the basic story but I'd like to hear it from you," his breath catches a little because he's _not _entirely sure he wants to know, but Finn slides his arms around his waist and sighs into his hair.

"He just…he was _there. _To begin with. And then the more it happened the more I realized how broken he was and dude, it hurt to think that he thought I was just usin' him because I needed a body, and the one night he just…broke down on me and I knew I couldn't pretend not to care anymore, so I didn't," his lips suddenly press against Kurt's shoulder, sudden and unexpected, and Kurt shivers even though Finn's kissing him through his shirt. "After that…after Jade…I told him if we wanted to go back to doing it, I couldn't pretend to not care anymore, and he said that was okay. So the first night we tried it that way…"

"I walked in on you," Kurt whispers, realizing _again _how screwed up all of this is and he laughs harshly. "_God, _this is a mess…"

"Yeah," Finn agrees, because there truly isn't anything else he can say to that, and they're quiet for a bit, breathing in sync even though Kurt doesn't realize it at first. "Can I ask you a question?"

"I suppose it's only fair," Kurt replies after a moment, wondering what's on Finn's mind. "What is it?"

"I want to know…why me? Why did you fall in love with me? What was so special about me compared to any other jock at that school?" Finn doesn't sound accusatory, merely curious, and Kurt's glad of that.

Of course, considering they know each other rather intimately, he highly doubts Finn's suddenly going to deem him a monster and never touch him again, but…

"I don't know that it _was _love," he finally starts. "I mean, it was the fifteen-year-old version of it, but honestly it was just because you were the only one that made me feel human. With the other boys it was like I was a game: 10 points if you knock Hummel into the lockers, 25 if you push him so hard he falls over, 50 if you make him cry," Kurt's voice is dark, although he's not really bitter about it anymore.

It was a long time ago.

"And then you came along, and you were the first one to stop people from doing that. And the first one to listen to me when I wanted to save my expensive clothes from going in the dumpster. And you never…you never did anything to me personally. You were there, but…"

"Dude, I was _there. _I didn't do anything to stop it," Finn sounds like he's rather deeply gripped in self-loathing so Kurt touches his hands, grounding him to the present.

"That didn't matter. The fact that you didn't do it and seemed to care was enough," Kurt assures him quietly. "Although I have to admit the pee balloons tarnished your reputation a bit…"

"Dude, I had no idea there was pee in them! I thought they were water balloons," Finn laughs bitterly. "Once I saw what they were I threw mine on the ground, because dude, that's disgusting."

"It is. I still get nightmares about it," Kurt shivers and Finn holds him tighter, nose rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'm sorry," Finn says quietly, and Kurt knows he's still haunted by his actions back then. He takes Finn's wrist and heaves a sigh, moving his hand so it's slid under the material of his shirt and Finn sucks in a breath, skimming it up a little. "Kurt…"

"It's okay," Kurt promises, and of course it is because he'd made the first move.

"You know, I've been thinking," Finn says after a bit and Kurt makes a tiny noise of acknowledgment, really not knowing where this is going but interested nonetheless. "I once told Rachel that she was my guiding light, y'know? My beacon? I think I was wrong."

He's silent after that for a long time, fingers curling in slightly on Kurt's chest, but Kurt waits for him to speak again.

"I was wrong," he repeats slowly. "I thought that because I was her boyfriend and she was always there, she had to be the one that was keeping me going, but I realized there was somebody else who was always there, too…who's _still _there…and she might be a star, but she's not _my _star," he stops, surprisingly subtle in his revelation, and Kurt knows who he's talking about.

How can he not?

"And yet she's the one that _got _the star," he murmurs, trying to keep his voice light as Finn chuckles.

"Yeah. But dude, the star's named after _me_. Anybody can use it. You can, if you want to," he points out, tangling his legs with Kurt's and sighing happily.

"If I could find it," Kurt replies, because he honestly doesn't _know _where this star is other than the fact that it exists.

"Dude, I've still got the chart they sent me when I bought it! We can go up to the roof tonight and look for it…call it a date?" he suggests, a little breathless, and Kurt's eyes snap open.

A date.

Finn's asking him on a _date. _

"It's the middle of winter, Finn…"

"Trust me. We can look for my star so you'll always know where to find me, and you know I'll always be there for you," Finn settles down again, yawning and nuzzling Kurt's skin, and Kurt's heart hurts a little at the sweetness of the sentiment as he savours the warmth of having Finn close.

"Okay. It's a date."

"Awesome," Finn replies in a half-slur, obviously close to sleep, and Kurt knows he should get up but he's far too comfortable right now to bother.

000

Kurt snaps the phone closed, Blaine's assurances that he'll stay out so as not to disturb them ringing in his ears, and he takes a breath and slips on a coat and gloves, making his way up to the roof.

Somehow this is far more nerve-wracking than it should be, and he has a feeling something _big _is going to happen tonight.

Stepping out into the night, he waits for his eyes to adjust to the darkness before he can make out a large shadow that has to be Finn, the other man with a sheet of paper in his hand that he's poring over using the light from his cell phone. Kurt makes his way over, boots crunching on the rough surface, and Finn looks up with a grin.

"Hey, you! Milk?" he holds out a take-out cup that Kurt gratefully accepts, thinking absently how perfect it is that Finn would bring warm milk for this moment. There's a blanket spread on the ground that Finn pulls him down to sit on, and really despite the nip in the air it's pretty much perfect.

"So where's this star of yours?" Kurt asks softly, because the night's so still that it feels like he shouldn't speak any louder.

"I'm trying to figure it out. This thing's kinda impossible to read," Finn wrinkles his nose adorably and Kurt sets the cup aside, taking the map and phone and trying to figure it out. "I think it's that one, though," he points and Kurt resists the urge to sigh.

"That's Venus, Finn."

"Oh. I was wondering why it wasn't, like, sparkling like the others. Twinkling?" he tries again, cocking his head to the side.

"Twinkling," Kurt affirms, holding the map up and following the lines with his fingers. "There."

"Where?"

"There," Kurt takes Finn's arm and points up, fairly close to the horizon but still high enough to be visible. "You see those three really bright stars in a line?"

"Yeah?"

"That's Orion's Belt," Kurt replies. "Now go up…and a little to the left…there," he stops and lets go of Finn's arm, watching as the other man's eyes light up.

"That's my star?"

"Well, _one _of them is, but that's where it is. Between Orion and Gemini," Kurt sets the sheet down and places his cup on it to keep it from blowing away, getting Finn to lie back and resting his head on the taller man's shoulder.

"D'you know any other constellations?" Finn asks, letting Kurt snuggle closer in the cold air, and Kurt names the ones he does, Finn at least feigning interest for a bit until he stops and they just lie there, comfortable in their own closeness. "So you know you can wish upon my star, hey?" he finally mentions and Kurt nods.

"I don't really believe in that, but…"

"Hey," Finn turns so that they're facing each other, features obscured by the darkness but his milk-heated breath is warm across Kurt's nose and cheekbones. "Look, I may not shine as bright as you or Rachel in real life, but I'm pretty damn bright up there," he waves in vaguely the right direction. "And I'm always gonna be. So just…wish on my star, Kurt. I promise, no matter where I am, I'll hear you."

Kurt blinks, knowing that crying where his tears can freeze is an awful idea, but Finn's just…amazing, and this is completely making up for everything that's happened in the last few months.

This is the boy he fell in love with, and he's never going to fall out of love with him because he _can't. _

He's okay with that, though.

"Finn, I…"

"I will. And I know you'll always be there for me, as a friend or a…a lover or whatever. We're like…you know those threads of fate and stuff where two people are intertwined? Dude, we're tied in a freaking _knot. _Nothing's _ever _gonna be able to pick us apart," he grins, teeth a flash of white in the darkness and Kurt can't help the joyous laugh that bubbles out of him at that.

It feels good to laugh again.

000

By the time they go in Kurt's cheeks hurt from smiling, his nose cold the tips of his ears no-doubt red, and Finn just looks amazing, alive and healthy and they push through the front door, Kurt getting undressed and jumping for the couch as Finn follows at a more leisurely place, cuddling up under the blanket Kurt's procured.

"So," Finn leans in and rubs his nose against Kurt's. "Was that okay? I mean, the date…"

"It was perfect," Kurt admits, glancing away almost shyly. "Thank you."

"So…" Finn says again, leaning in close, and Kurt's heart starts doing backflips. "Do you kiss on the first date, Mr. Hummel?"

"I…" Kurt swallows, trying to keep his voice composed. "Would it bother you if I did, Mr. Hudson?"

"Not at all," his voice is dark, low, and his hand comes to cup the back of Kurt's neck while Kurt's arms drape around his shoulders, body completely tense.

And then Finn's leaning in and Kurt knows that, even though it's happened before on that first night they were together, this time is going to _feel_ like the first all over again.

There's no going back, and for once, he's completely okay with that.

**Notes:**

**1. **Sorry for the wait on this. Start of the new semester and it always takes me a while to adjust, but I hope this was okay!

**2. **There really has been an absence of Kinn in this fic so that's what this chapter was mostly about, and I think it's also a far more positive chapter than most :)

**3. **Let me know what you thought!


	16. Chapter Fifteen

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R for now  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 14/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2128  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Fifteen**

Finn sighs, utterly content, one thumb running over the smooth curve of Kurt's hip as the other man lets a pleased groan slip from his throat.

It's a couple of hours later, both of them in Finn's bed and Kurt's more relaxed than Finn has seen him in…_months, _probably, completely at ease in Finn's arms.

They hadn't done anything…hadn't needed to…but Finn really, _really _wants to touch him and he skims his hand around Kurt's stomach, sliding down to stroke along his cock slowly and Kurt mewls and stretches.

"Finn…"

"Shh. Lemme do this for you, okay?" he murmurs, getting a nod in return as Kurt sighs and turns around, hooking an arm around Finn's neck and pulling him in for a kiss.

Kurt's mouth is hot, sweet, more experienced than he had been the first time they'd kissed but the rush is the same, the feeling of butterflies in his stomach because he knows Kurt, knows him inside and out and yet this still makes him as nervous as he was when he was sixteen and falling in love for the first time.

"I've missed you," Kurt murmurs after a bit, hips shallowly thrusting into Finn's hand, and Finn sighs and kisses him, needing more.

"Wanna taste you," he whispers and Kurt shivers , nodding a moment later as Finn gives him another lingering kiss before sliding down his body, pulling the sheet aside so he can see all of Kurt, and _God, _he's beautiful.

Hair mussed and eyes dark, a rosy flush on his cheeks and running down his neck and chest, nipples peaked, every inch of him lean and long and gorgeous. Finn looks up, tongue darting out to lick the head of Kurt's cock, and Kurt whines and clenches his fingers in the sheets, breathing out slowly through his nose.

"You good?"

"Yeah, it's just…been a while," Kurt shrugs, one hand reaching to card through Finn's hair before it drops back to the bed. "But go ahead."

"Cool," Finn licks again before slipping his mouth over the head of Kurt's cock, sucking gently.

"Mm," Kurt breathes out slowly, one hand finally moving to tangle in Finn's hair as he bucks his hips, and Finn takes him as deep as he can, swallowing as Kurt shivers. "Mm, _Finn, _you're so…"

And Finn _knows _he's good, although he's still not quite sure if that's something he should take a lot of pride in, but making Kurt come apart is rather enjoyable and he loves doing this for him.

He closes his eyes and sucks harder, sliding his mouth off and running a finger along Kurt's saliva-slick cock, swiping a drop of pre-cum off the head and reaching back between Kurt's legs to gently rub the puckered skin there.

"Relax for me," he murmurs, mouth back over Kurt's cock like he's starving for it and Kurt does instinctively, beautifully open as Finn slides his finger in easily and strokes deep, knowing Kurt almost too well by now.

Kurt's eyes shoot open and he scrabbles at Finn's head, pulling him close and pumping his hips, little grunts slipping from his mouth.

"Hey, guys, I…okay, never mind, then…"

"Get _over _here," Kurt growls and Finn has to press a hand to the front of his own pants because wow, _hot, _but Blaine listens, crossing the floor quickly and climbing him onto the bed as Kurt yanks him into a kiss, nearly sobbing with relief as Finn hums and presses with his finger at the same time, an obviously powerful orgasm overtaking him if the way he's shaking is any indication.

Finn keeps sucking until Kurt moans a little in discomfort, sliding off and slipping his finger out before getting shakily to his feet, staggering over to the washroom.

By the time he's returned Kurt and Blaine are kissing sweetly, Kurt getting Blaine out of his clothes and Finn feels a familiar pang in his chest.

He'll _always _be 'the other guy.' Kurt and Blaine are the couple and they'll always _be _the couple, and then there's Finn: not really in a relationship but not really out of it, and it's hard, because he wants _so much _to just _be _something to somebody, not a third wheel.

You would think he'd be used to that by now, though.

"So. You and Finn got along well, then?" Blaine laughs as he sheds the rest of his clothing and climbs on top of Kurt, straddling him and leaning in for a kiss. "And you seem in a better mood in general…"

"I am. I'm still not thrilled that you just expected me to go along with all of this but…it's better than us avoiding each other," Kurt's hands are framing Blaine's hips and he's staring up at him with the same look he used to have in high school, and Finn decides to just slip out even though it _is _kinda his bedroom, but…

"Finn, get back here," Kurt says without taking his eyes off of Blaine, and Finn sighs heavily and walks back into the room, sitting gingerly on the bed beside the other men as Blaine leans over and drapes his arms around Finn's neck, kissing him softly.

"You're in this with us, so don't run away," Blaine whispers and Finn can do nothing but believe him. "And if you want us out of your bed, just say so."

"Nah, it's cool if you guys wanna stay," Finn leans back, and yes, he'd been planning on getting off before with Kurt but now that mood's more or less abandoned him and he just feels…empty. He leans back against the pillows and closes his eyes, hoping he can fall asleep quickly regardless of what Kurt and Blaine still want to do, but he feels gentle fingers stroking his hair back and cracks one eyes open.

"I just wanted to thank you again for tonight," Kurt murmurs, curling into his body as Finn sets an arm around his back and holds him there. "It was lovely. And you're quite the romantic."

"Yeah, well, I guess I always have been," he shrugs and Kurt noses his neck, sighing happily.

"Do you want…" his hand snakes down Finn's body, over his stomach and dipping under the waistband of his boxers before Finn grabs his wrist.

"Nah, dude, it's cool. I'm good."

"You're sure?" Kurt looks like he doesn't quite believe him but Finn's own insecurities have rather killed the mood, and he turns away from Kurt and curls up into the tiniest ball he can, knees tucked into his chest. "Finn?"

"I'm good. Just…do whatever you guys are gonna do. I'm going to try and sleep," he whispers, feeling Kurt's fingers stroke through his hair soothingly as the other man kisses his shoulder.

"Okay. You're sure nothing's wrong?"

"Yeah," Finn closes his eyes and sighs, feeling Kurt's arms wrap awkwardly around him and he decides to help out a bit by turning and embracing Kurt fully. "No," he finally admits, and Kurt rubs his back a little, silently urging him to continue. "I just…it's stupid. I just…feel like I'm just _here, _you know, and I'm not…"

"Shh," Kurt hushes him. "We've all had an emotional couple of days and while the best thing we could be doing is sitting down and talking it through, I have a feeling that isn't going to happen anytime soon…" he trails off and Finn closes his eyes, hearing Kurt and Blaine talking in low voices before he feels the bed dip.

"Where's…"

"He's giving us space. I think he knows that this…that we need to work through this, Finn," Kurt's voice is so soothing, washing over Finn and he's solid and warm at Finn's side. "But right now I think you need this more than you'll ever admit," his hand is sliding down again, the feel of his gentle fingers on Finn's skin arousing him instantly, and even though his insecurities he knows that Kurt's hand on him can never be a bad thing. "Can I?"

"Yeah," he whispers and Kurt slides his hands down Finn's body, taking his underwear with them and Finn lifts his hips so he can slide them off entirely, crawling bodily on top of the taller man before reaching a hand between them. "Kurt…"

"Mm?" Kurt asks absently, eyes half-lidded as he concentrates on his task, and Finn holds him close and tries not to think of anything except how good Kurt's fingers feel on his skin.

"Nothing," he finally regains enough control of his body to answer the question and Kurt makes a tiny noise of content, reaching to catch his lips as his hands moves rapidly, wrist twisting and thumb flicking over the leaking slit every few strokes.

It doesn't take long, not with that attention and Kurt writhing on top of him, and when he comes it's almost with a sob because it feels good, too good, but the knowledge that Kurt's still just _some guy _to him…stepbrother and friend, maybe, but nothing more…settles like a leaden weight in his stomach and the afterglow is irreparably tainted because of it.

Kurt stays on top of him for a few moments, nuzzling his cold little nose against Finn's neck, and when he looks up he's obviously tired, eyes still shining with affection as he leans to brush a kiss on Finn's brow.

"Come on. Bedtime."

"But I'm in…"

"Come," Kurt holds out a hand and Finn takes it after a moment, wondering what this means. He stops by the washroom to clean up, sliding on a clean pair of boxers as Kurt wanders across the condo with no regard for his nudity, and when he pushes open the door to his and Blaine's bedroom and smiles back at Finn the other man gets an idea of what's going on. "You have ejaculate all over your sheets, and the bed's more than big enough for three. Besides, I want you…_both _of you…close tonight," Kurt admits in a whisper and Finn feels a warmth bloom in his chest despite everything else.

"Okay," Finn sighs and crosses to the bed, getting in and trying not to be surprised when Blaine rolls into his arms and arches his neck up for a kiss, Finn pulling the other man's tiny body close and kissing back heatedly.

"Mm, why are you…" Blaine's hands play with the waistband of his boxers and Finn understands the question, wondering himself because there's really no reason for him to be clothed when Kurt and Blaine are completely naked, but for some reason he just needs a barrier, something to remind himself that he's not a part of Kurt-and-Blaine, and he's not going to let go of that because getting in too deep will only hurt him.

"Leave them," Finn mutters and Blaine sighs and nods, drawing back and snuggling tight to Finn's side. "Blaine…"

"Just stop thinking," Blaine tells him, but the words are kind and Finn tries to clear his mind. He's in bed with two of the hottest guys he's ever known and all he can do is feel sorry for himself, which…doesn't seem right at all.

Why can't he just enjoy himself, even for one night?

"Better," the shorter man folds himself up against Finn, reaching to kiss him again and Finn bends down to reach his mouth, content to do this for as long as Blaine wants to.

He really _is _an incredible kisser.

It's easy to lose track of time after that, lost in the heat of Blaine's mouth and the press of his body against Finn's own, and when he hears footsteps and knows Kurt's coming back from doing…whatever he does in the bathroom every night he finally pulls away, Blaine's eyes warm and a sated smile on his face.

"Don't stop for my sake," Kurt's voice is low and Finn had thought he'd be jealous after everything, but he couldn't deny that he and Blaine probably made a rather appealing picture. He takes this to heart and leans in again, Blaine sighing against his lips before he reciprocates, and he can feel the bed dip as Kurt curls up behind Blaine, close enough that Finn can feel him.

He breaks away from Blaine's lips a few moments later, finally allowing his body to relax, and Kurt reaches around Blaine to stroke his shoulder and smile at him, eyes luminous in the low light. Finn hooks his chin over Blaine's shoulder and leans to kiss him, hearing Blaine's rumbled laughter from between their bodies, and this is…this _works. _

He knows tomorrow it'll end, they'll be back to Blaine-and-Kurt and just plain old Finn, but right now he can't find it in him to care very much.

Maybe he deserves a little bit of happiness, too.

**Notes;**

**1. **Again, I apologize profusely for the wait on this chapter! I had it well on its way and then received some rather…disheartening comments about this story and my writing in general that shouldn't have affected me as much as they did but they put me into a state of mental writer's block for the last few days.

**2. **That being said, I hope this was enjoyable. Please let me know what you thought :)


	17. Chapter Sixteen

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> NC-17 for this chapter  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 16/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2157  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Sixteen**

"And you're back at my door again," Sam's grin is wry as he stands in the doorway, leaning against the scored frame and giving Blaine an almost shrewd look. "Again, I have no idea why you come to me for advice, but what's up?"

"Can we go out for coffee?" Blaine asks, looking into Sam's apartment and thinking of the weak swill he'd been given the last time they'd had coffee together, and he decides to throw out a suggestion and only hopes that Sam will take the bait. "I'll pay."

Sam seems to consider for a minute before breaking into a grin and grabbing a coat, stepping out of the dingy apartment and setting a hand on Blaine's arm. "It's a date, Mr. Anderson. Lead on."

"Great," Blaine smiles and together they head across the street into a coffee shop, getting their coffees and settling in a corner away from the rest of the patrons. Blaine stares down at his cup for a while, feeling Sam's eyes on him, and eventually he sighs and looks up.

"So, what's up? It isn't my idea, is it? Because I thought that was kinda awesome," Sam grins, flipping his bangs back, and Blaine chuckles softly and shakes his head.

"No, I…your idea was fine. I royally screwed up implementing it and that's what's…that's why I'm having an issue," he admits, again cursing the fact that he couldn't have kept his hands off of Finn until Kurt had come home.

God, he's not _that _weak, is he?

"What happened?" Sam's suddenly all concerned, eyes softening as he leans forward and lightly touches Blaine's hand, and Blaine gives him a tiny smile before explaining, half-expecting Sam to pull away but the other man's far more liberal than Blaine could have ever hoped and he merely nods from time-to-time, a tiny furrow appearing between his brows as Blaine finishes.

"So, I screwed up," Blaine repeats and shakes his head, hand palm up on the table and fingers curling a little around Sam's.

"You didn't screw up, man," Sam promises. "You really like Finn and you'd only had one shot at being with him listening to those real feelings, and that time Kurt walked in. You just wanted to finish what you'd started," he rationalizes and Blaine sighs and nods, knowing that he's right.

Honestly, that's what it was, and why he was so desperate: he hates leaving things unfinished.

"But that's not all that's bugging you, so what's up now? Something with Kurt?" Sam asks curiously, head tilted to the side and incredibly perceptive as Blaine nods.

"He…he won't let me in. Ever since…he's cold to me, and last night I come home to him and Finn fooling around like there's no more hurt feelings even though I think they were the worst off relationship between the three of us, and suddenly they're acting like old lovers and I feel like Kurt's somehow forgiven him and not me, and it…hurts," he realizes he sounds childish but he can't stop the words somehow, although Sam doesn't look inclined to make light of the situation.

"That's not it, man," Sam says after a few moments of quiet contemplation. "I've known Finn and Kurt longer than you have, and they've always been kinda weird…like, they'll have these disagreements or whatever and be really cold for a bit and then suddenly they'll make up and usually they make up in a big way, so that's probably what happened."

"Finn took him stargazing," Blaine says, staring off across the coffee shop at nothing, and Sam squeezes his hand to bring him back to reality.

"So, Kurt likes big gestures. Or romantic ones. Just…do something like that to prove that you're not just willing to be his boyfriend again for show. I know you love him, man," he holds up a hand when Blaine opens his mouth to protest. "But maybe you've gotta remind him of that."

"Yeah…" Blaine realizes that Sam probably has a point and feels all the more guilty for not thinking of it himself. Honestly, why did he expect Kurt…_Kurt…_to hear, 'oh by the way, we're all entering into an open relationship and yeah I just slept with your stepbrother but we're boyfriends again so let's go have sex' and be completely fine with it? He should have known better.

"Hey," Sam's voice cuts into his thoughts and he meets the other man's warm eyes. "Don't beat yourself up over it, dude. Just…this time? If you're gonna use my suggestion, don't screw it up."

Blaine laughs, feeling freer than he has in a while, and by the time they finish their coffee and he walks Sam back to his apartment, hugging him fiercely at the door and surprising them both although Sam doesn't seem annoyed in the least, he's got the beginnings of an idea forming in his mind.

000

Luckily they have all the supplies already, and he phones Finn and asks first off if they can use his bed because it's going to get messy and he can hear Finn sigh before telling him to 'knock yourselves out, dudes' and promising not to come home until later.

Blaine's still not sure how Kurt's going to react to this but the way he sees it a massage is never something to be refused, and his stomach's in knots as he's waiting for the other man to get home from rehearsal.

When Kurt comes in through the front door, the sight of him still making Blaine's breath catch like it did all those years ago, he's crossing the floor in an instant and drawing Kurt into his arms before the taller man has a chance to protest the action.

"Blaine, we…"

"I want you naked on Finn's bed in five minutes," Blaine replies throatily, staring into Kurt's eyes and just _needing _Kurt to see that this is _everything, _'I'm sorry' and 'let's start again' and 'I never want to leave you,' and Kurt _does _somehow because his face softens and he nods, brushing the lightest of kisses against Blaine's lips before he's striding across the condo, and it doesn't even take him five minutes to strip off his clothes and perch on Finn's bed, utterly comfortable and unashamed of his nakedness around Blaine.

"So. You've got something planned?"

"I do. Look around."

"Candles?" Kurt snorts a laugh but he looks touched as Blaine pulls out a lighter and lights them, turning the harsh overhead light off and digging a bottle out of his pocket before moving closer. "Mm, am I getting a massage, Mr. Anderson?"

"You're getting a massage, Mr. Hummel," Blaine confirms, leaning down for a slow, sweet kiss before he pulls back. "Lay down, baby. Just enjoy this."

"I will," Kurt looks blissful already, body a long, pale line on the dark comforter, and Blaine pops open the bottle and pours some oil out onto his hand, hearing Kurt sigh happily. "Lavender?"

"I know you love it," Blaine spreads his hands over Kurt's shoulders, savoring the feel of his silky skin under his fingertips, and smooths his hands down Kurt's back before going back to work on his shoulders, thumbs digging into a knot at the base of his neck while Kurt moans rather pornographically and arches his back up, pressing into Blaine's hands and rutting his hips against the bed. "God, Kurt…"

Kurt responds with another full-body undulation, groaning as Blaine moves his hands down, down his back and coming to rest on his hips, thumbs resting in the small of his back. He presses there, Kurt almost whining now, and Blaine leans forward to kiss right behind his ear as Kurt drives his hips down harder.

"Don't come," he murmurs, getting the man beneath him to still. "I'm going to make you come, and then I'm going to be inside of you and make you come again. That sound okay?"

"_Blaine," _Kurt hisses, obviously through with the teasing, and Blaine has to laugh and nuzzle his neck for a moment because he's _missed this, _this kind of playfulness between them, the fact that he might pretend to be in control but he'd jump through hoops if Kurt so much as said the word.

"Okay. Turn over," he prompts and Kurt does, wildly aroused, eyes dark and chest flushed-red, heaving with breath as Blaine leans in to kiss him and slides his hands down Kurt's chest at the same time, circling his perfect, peaked nipples with ever-decreasing spirals until flicking his oiled thumbs over both at the same time, Kurt whimpering against his mouth. "God, you're…"

"Yes, I'm beautiful, I know, keep moving," Kurt growls and Blaine has to kiss him again for that, because it's just _so _Kurt. He grins and skims his hands down the 'V' inside Kurt's hips, crossing just above his cock and sliding down his well-muscled legs to grip his calves before leaning in and fastening his lips around the very tip of Kurt's arousal as the other man thrashes and tangles lithe fingers in his curls immediately.

"Blaine…don't tease me…"

"Wouldn't dream of it," Blaine laughs and goes to work, knowing that there'll be time for slow and tender later but it's been so long, _too _long and they just _need _each other tonight. "Hang on."

Kurt rolls his head back and groans, drawn-out and low, as his hips buck up and Blaine shifts back enough to take it, licking and sucking and humming and swallowing, doing everything in his power to make Kurt come apart as quickly as possible.

When he slides a slick finger inside of Kurt that's the last straw, Kurt gasping and coming, body arching obscenely off the mattress and Blaine keeps sucking until Kurt moans softly at the over-stimulation, eyes sliding closed and he lays there, panting, as Blaine crawls back up his body to meet his lips.

"Blaine…" he murmurs throatily as Blaine slides another finger into his utterly relaxed body, and Kurt shifts to hook one leg around his waist, opening him up even farther. "You…"

"We can be sappy later," Blaine reminds him with another quick peck as he adds a third finger, and Kurt looks almost asleep by the time he pulls them out and lines himself up, oil everywhere and the bed's a mess but it's *Finn's* so it truly doesn't matter that much.

Kurt's arms wind around his neck immediately, body hot and wanting against his own, cock already half-hard again as Blaine presses inside and the slick heat and feel of Kurt's body has him gasping.

"Mm, so good, baby," Kurt murmurs, and Blaine kind of loves him like this: sleepy and open and so trusting, pliant in Blaine's arms as he starts to thrust and they know each other so well that even a month and more apart can't shatter their rhythm, both of them moving in tandem as Blaine tries to find purchase on Kurt's slippery, lavender-scented skin.

"K-Kurt…" he manages to stutter at one point as Kurt catches his lips in a kiss that _so _far on the wrong side of innocent that Blaine nearly falters in his steady thrusts, lost in the hot slide of Kurt's mouth on his own. "Kurt, I'm…"

Kurt makes a muffled groan into his mouth, clinging to Blaine with arms and legs and Blaine thrusts his hips forward one last time and releases, mouth dropping open as his arms shake to hold himself up.

He feels Kurt shift and knows that he's jerking himself off, and Blaine had promised that _he's _going to be the one to make him come so he somehow finds the strength to bat Kurt's hand out of the way and take him in his own, stroking quickly and it doesn't take long before Kurt's spilling over his fist, head thrown back in wild abandon.

It takes a while to come down after that, a little while more before Kurt complains about the oil and the cum and decides that a shower is desperately needed, and by the time they're in bed Blaine's starting to feel more normal about this whole thing than he has in months.

000

He's dozing, half-awake as he stares at Kurt and they trade soft, sleepy kisses when the door opens and Finn slinks in, complaining half-heartedly about his bed and the mess and he strips off his clothes and slides in behind Kurt, kissing the back of his neck and settling down quickly as Kurt laughs and twists to catch his lips before turning back to Blaine.

"And good night to you, too, Mr. Hudson," Blaine has to add as Finn clumsily reaches over Kurt to pat his shoulder, warm and comfortable already as Blaine closes his eyes and tries to sleep.

He knows it'll come quickly, and as Kurt murmurs how much he loves him right into his ear, breath warm against his face, he lets himself believe that everything's back to normal.

**Notes:**

**1. **Once again, I am so sorry about the wait on this! I just…haven't been very inspired to write lately, but I hope this is acceptable, and please tell me what you thought :)


	18. Chapter Seventeen

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> NC-17 for this chapter  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 17/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 2110  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Seventeen**

Kurt wakes up feeling more content than he has in a long time, wrapped up in Finn's arms and staring at Blaine, his sleep-tousled curls spilling over his forehead and Kurt strokes them back instinctively, feeling warmth bloom in his heart.

He's all but forgiven Blaine…yes, what the other man did was stupid and rash, but Kurt would have agreed to everything quickly regardless and it's just…far too much work to be angry with either of them. He still has some issues with the fact that Blaine and Finn seem to have some strange relationship that he can't break into, and it scares him that Blaine basically told him that he couldn't give him anything he wasn't getting from Finn and more, but he's trying to not think about that because right now he's warm and comfortable and in the arms of the two men he loves the most.

"You awake?" Finn's voice is a low rumble in his ear, his arms tightening around Kurt's waist as Kurt sighs and nuzzles back against him. "That's a yeah?"

"That's a yeah," Kurt affirms, smiling as Finn kisses his cheek. It should be perfect but he can't stop the anxiety roiling through him, making him wonder what exactly is going on.

He has to talk to Finn, he decides. He has to know what he does to Blaine, how he treats him, because it's something Blaine seems to need and Kurt has to figure out how he can give that to him.

Maybe then he'll feel more secure about everything.

"He looks so peaceful," Finn whispers, warm breath ghosting over his ear, and Kurt has to agree. Blaine's been tired lately, drawn and worn and so unlike the carefree, smiling boy he'd been when Kurt had met him.

"He does," Kurt voices, continuing to stroke Blaine's hair away from his forehead, and Blaine sighs and nuzzles further into his pillow at the action.

"Mm," Finn kisses the side of Kurt's neck and Kurt leans into the action instinctively.

"Finn?"

"Yeah, dude?" Finn keeps kissing the same spot, dragging his tongue along the sensitive flesh as Kurt arches and moans under his care.

"Can we…Blaine's working closing tonight, so can we…I want you to show me…what you do with him. So I can see. What he's…what I can't give him," he voices, the words sounding stilted and odd but it's hard to talk when Finn's doing that, sucking on the column of his throat and utterly distracting him from his thoughts.

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Finn finally whispered, the words barely breathed against his skin, and Kurt stiffens a little. "No, that's not…it's not that I don't _want _to, Kurt, but I don't know if it would help…"

"Can I decide that?" Kurt asks hesitantly and Finn kisses his shoulder in response. "I'm a lot tougher than you give me credit for, Finn."

"I know you are. You're, like, super-tough, dude," he laughs. "But okay. We can…we can try tonight. Does that work?"

Kurt nods in response and is about to say more when Blaine yawns and blinks bleary hazel eyes open, smiling at Kurt and reaching to touch his cheek gently.

"Morning, babe," he says quietly and Blaine smiles at him before leaning in for a kiss, Kurt sighing against his lips before drawing back. "Sleep okay?"

"Yeah," Blaine nods, the smile not leaving his mouth as he stares at Kurt, warmth in his gaze and he reaches to run his thumb over Kurt's cheekbone before dropping his hand. "Morning, Finn."

"Hey, dude," Finn sounds amused and Blaine reaches over Kurt to pat the other man's shoulder, completely unhurried and comfortable and Kurt marvels again that they've come to this, lying in the same bed like they've always done it, and it feels more right than ever.

"When do you work? I know it's late, but…" Kurt asks and Blaine laughs and winks at the two of them, obviously clueing into what they'll be up to while he's gone and Kurt has the decency to blush at that.

"Late. I close, so I won't be back until after eleven. You've got plenty of time," he assures them, and his smile is still firmly in place although it looks a little strained, his eyes narrowed a little bit, and Kurt knows they're all not nearly as okay as they're pretending to be.

But of course, that's to be expected at this point.

He's going to be jealous of Blaine and Finn because, for whatever reason, they seem to get something from each other that they can't get from him; Blaine's seemingly nervous about Kurt and Finn because of their shared history and their past relationship, and Finn's always going to feel like a third wheel and that he's not truly important to either of them.

He thinks they're all probably worrying too much but right now he barely knows how to assuage his _own _worries, much less Blaine and Finn's.

Well.

Maybe, at least, he'll get a start tonight if everything goes according to plan.

…He really hopes it does.

000

"Okay," he claps his hands, seated naked on the bed as Finn enters the room and bites his lip, glancing everywhere but at Kurt. "Finn. You're acting like we've never done this before."

"Because we haven't done _this _before!" Finn protests but Kurt sighs and beckons him over, reaching to hook an arm around the back of his neck and pulling him down into a rather dirty kiss. "Mm. Okay."

"Treat me exactly like you treated him," Kurt commands, trying to keep his tone firm, and Finn's hands skim down his body before he nods and steps away, closing his eyes, and when he opens them there's something dark there, something that Kurt's not used to seeing directed at him and he gulps without meaning to even though he knows in his heart Finn will never hurt him.

"Okay. Turn over," Finn's voice is void of all emotion and Kurt complies, on his hands and knees and shaking a little. They've never done it this way, not with Blaine or with Finn, but Kurt can understand why Finn and Blaine would want to.

It's much less personal.

He whines a little as Finn's fingers probe at his entrance, forcing himself to relax and he's still fairly loose from his and Blaine's activities the night before so Finn slides in easily, prepping him without much care and Kurt can feel his breathing starting to speed up, although whether his nerves were fear or anticipation he couldn't tell.

Finn doesn't speak, one hand braced on Kurt's hip and his fingers sliding in and out rather clinically and the silence is odd, because he and Finn have always been comfortable enough to banter back and forth, no matter how intimate the situation should be.

He's not even hard, because this isn't erotic at all, and he braces his elbows and sighs, trying to conjure up images to help him get there although staring at Finn's drab bedcovers aren't really helping in that respect.

"Good?" Finn grunts, every trace of warmth gone from his voice, and Kurt nods without speaking as he feels Finn's hand clutch his shoulder

He can't stop the yelp that tears from his throat when Finn slams forward, rough and with a singular purpose, and his elbows slide on the bed a bit because he was _not _expecting that. Finn's hands clamp around his hips then as he starts to move, short, fast thrusts that leave no mystery in Kurt's mind as to what this was, and why Blaine had never come to him for it.

This isn't sex.

This is _punishment. _

And this is what Blaine had done to ease the guilt of drinking himself under the table every night, putting himself through this to feel worthless so that it made up for his other mistakes. It's terrifying, that he had been so low and Kurt hadn't _known, _hadn't seen how he was dying inside, and at the same time…

He skids forward again, gasping at the pain because he's pretty sure he's going to have friction burns on his elbows come morning and bruises on his hips from Finn's fingers gripping him so tightly, and suddenly it's too much.

This…whatever it is…isn't going to help him figure out their convoluted relationship at _all, _and he sobs out something that's probably supposed to be a 'stop' but he can't form the words.

Finn does, panting harshly, and Kurt whimpers as he shifts a little, knowing that he stopped it in time but it's still going to hurt a little tomorrow.

"You asked," Finn's voice sounds wrecked but not blank anymore, and there's a hoarseness to it that shows this whole thing was hurting him as much as it was hurting Kurt.

"God, Finn," Kurt's breath hitches and he gasps as Finn shifts, pulling Kurt back onto his lap and holding him steady, still inside of him but not moving in the slightest. "You…how could you…"

"I never hurt him," Finn promises. "I always made sure he was okay. He's tough for a little guy, y'know?" he grins and just like that he's back to goofy old Finn again, although this intense, completely humorless _being _that had existed mere moments before is going to take Kurt a long time to get out of his memory.

"I know why he never asked me for that. I could never…" Kurt realizes a moment later that his voice is shaking, so hard he can barely talk, and his entire body shudders as Finn curls around him and presses a gentle kiss to the side of his neck. "Finn, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"

"Now you know, though," Finn squeezes him gently. "And…um…I still wanna have sex with you, but can we…do it like we normally do? This is…I hate this, dude."

"So do I," Kurt says truthfully, stretching a bit as Finn slides out and lays him back, every touch gentle and personal and utterly _Finn. _

And when he slides home again, hovering over Kurt with so much emotion brimming in his dark eyes and pressing soft kisses to Kurt's cheeks and lips, he knows that he'll never ask for anything like that again.

Not when this is so perfect.

000

"You're sure you're okay?" Finn asks later and Kurt nods, wrapped in a bathrobe and holding a cup of warm milk as Finn lies down, head pillowed in Kurt's lap. "Dude, I'm sorry I scared you, I really hated doing that."

"I know," Kurt promises, one hand trailing through Finn's hair before he sighs and leans back against the headboard, his thoughts still swirling. "I'm just…I can't believe Blaine did that."

"What?"

"That he made you hurt him. That he _wanted _you to hurt him because it somehow made him feel _better _about drinking," he whispers, like he's still trying to work it out for himself, and Finn shrugs and stares up at him. "And that I didn't notice. How horrible of a boyfriend am I, Finn, that I _didn't notice _he was in so much pain?"

"He hid it," Finn said simply. "I wouldn't've known either if he hadn't have actually come to me after that first time and asked me to do that. I don't think he hated it as much as you did, though. I mean, he got off every time," he wrinkles his nose and Kurt has to chuckle at that.

"I was more shocked than anything," he admits and Finn looks guilty again, staring up at Kurt with an obvious apology in his eyes that Kurt waves off with a tiny smile. "It's fine, Finn. I know you'd never hurt me intentionally. But I definitely need to talk to Blaine, because what he was doing with you was _not _healthy."

"It's not like that anymore, though," Finn says quickly. "I mean, we don't love each other, but it's…it's not like that," he promises and Kurt nods, because he already knows.

He walked in on them once, after all.

"I know," he says aloud, just to make sure Finn understands, and Finn pushes himself upright and sets the mug of milk aside, drawing Kurt close and kissing him softly.

Kurt knows he has to talk to Blaine when he gets back from work, and it might not be a fun conversation…but it needs to happen.

Until then, however, he's content to lose himself in Finn's kisses, letting the safety and warmth he always feels with the other man surround him and vowing to forget entirely about the other events of the night.

It's for the best.

**Notes:**

**1. **Yes, slightly angsty, but not as bad as the other chapters, right?

**2. **I haven't gotten much feedback for the last couple of chapters, so if you're reading and enjoying this I'd really appreciate it if you took the time to leave me a comment! I try to reply to all of the ones that I get :)


	19. Chapter Eighteen

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R overall  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 18/?  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 1971  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Eighteen**

"We need to talk."

Blaine looks up, fear spiking through him because when Kurt sounds and looks like that it's never a good thing, but the other man smiles softly at him and takes his hand, leading him to the couch and sitting down beside him, not letting go of his hand.

"What's going on?" Blaine asks cautiously, transfixed by the way Kurt's drawing mindless patterns on his palm, long fingers fluttering over his skin.

"Finn and I…well, I admit that ever since you've talked about what you and he do I've been a little…insecure that he can give you something I can't. So I asked him to…to show me what he did to you so I'd know," Kurt looks vaguely embarrassed but Blaine's _mortified, _because _no, _Finn wouldn't have…

"And…did he…"

"He did. It didn't last long because I wasn't about to have sex while feeling like I was being _punished _for something," Kurt snaps, and his tone is angry although his fingers across Blaine's hand stay light, controlled. "Blaine, why couldn't you _talk to me? _Why did you have to…sex is supposed to be something beautiful, something that connects people, not something you use to punish yourself with," he says softly, hand moving to cup Blaine's cheek and Blaine sighs and turns into it.

"It wasn't always like that," he admits after a few moments. "I do…I do like it a little rough sometimes, Kurt," he shrugs and Kurt nods, accepting that. "The first time…he was upset about Rachel and I was there and it was rough just because we didn't really know each other that well sexually, and I _liked _that, but…" he shakes his head. "It turned into something else, and I don't know exactly when it happened and I don't think Finn even realized it for a long time, but it…it turned into me wanting to be hurt, and that sounds horrible, but…I felt like I didn't deserve you."

"Blaine," Kurt starts, staring straight at him and Blaine has to keep talking before he loses his nerve, loses himself in Kurt's stormy eyes and the lean lines of his body.

He _has _to.

"Don't, Kurt," he says quietly and Kurt stops, just staring at him. "Finn didn't…you know him, you know he'd never hurt me…never hurt anybody…so I don't think he knew how…how much he _was _hurting me, until I couldn't hide it anymore and he found out, and then he swore he couldn't do that anymore and things…changed after that," Blaine admits, because he's told Kurt the condensed version of this story before but…after what Kurt's been through tonight…he figures he deserves the real one.

"Blaine," Kurt says again, softer this time, and Blaine nods and lets him keep talking. "You don't ever have to do that," he promises in a quiet voice. "If you're…if you're ever in that much pain again, if you ever feel like you need to hurt yourself, you can _talk to me," _he says sternly. "I'm your partner, that's what I'm here for. I want to know everything about you, the good and the bad, and if we can't trust each other…" he trails off and Blaine takes in his words, gasping a moment later as the one hits him square in the gut and he feel like he can't breathe.

"I'm your…we…"

"I'm not asking you to marry me, but…yes," Kurt quirks his lips in a smile. "I've been in love with you for almost five years, Blaine Anderson. I don't want anybody else."

"_Kurt," _Blaine exhales shakily, unable to believe what he's hearing, that even after everything Kurt's still…he's… "Yes," he says, because it's the only thing he _can _say, and Kurt just beams at him and draws him into a slow kiss, cupping his cheek and pulling back much too soon for Blaine's liking. "What about…what about Finn?" he asks when he's sure his brain is working again, and Kurt's eyes cloud over at that for a moment.

"Finn…we need to show him he's as much a part of this as we are, Blaine, because I've been in love with _him _for _seven _years," he grins and Blaine has to roll his eyes. "I know that he's…that it's not forever, not with him, that he'll find somebody someday but for now…I _am _in love with him," he admits softly and Blaine sighs and draws him closer.

"Hey, don't do that. It's not a crime, Kurt. I think I might be a little in love with him too," he whispers, like it's a secret, and Kurt nods and curls up against him. "So what's our plan?"

"Tomorrow. Or whenever, but soon," Kurt replies, his own voice just as low as Blaine's had been. "We…do this right. I don't think when Sam suggested we all work it out he meant we group ourselves into convenient duos. If we're all in this together, we're all in this _together," _he emphasizes and maybe it's because Blaine's known him for so long now but he knows _exactly _what Kurt's talkin about.

"You mean an actual threesome?"

"I do," Kurt affirms with a strong nod.

"Okay," Blaine smiles, because truth be told he's rather looking forward to it and he knows the three of them will be fine with each other; that's been proven by the times they've shared a bed, or the time he walked in on Kurt and Finn and…

Regardless, it'll all be fine.

"Okay," he repeats slowly, drawing Kurt closer as the older man looks at him curiously. "You know I want that, Kurt, but tonight I…want you more. Is Finn…"

"In his own bed for once," Kurt snorts. "We changed the sheets after we were done and he passed out there but I wanted to wait for you."

"Good," Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt's waist and kisses him tenderly. "Are you…do you want to do anything with me? I'll understand if…"

"Hmm, well, I'll be sore for a while…" Kurt starts and Blaine flinches involuntarily because, in the end, that part's kind of his fault. Kurt, however, shakes his head and strokes fingers through his curls. "No, don't start with the guilt trip, Blaine. What I was _going _to say was that I may be too sore for you to do anything with me, but I can still make love to _you," _he nuzzles Blaine's nose with his own and Blaine sighs happily.

"Yes. That would be really great, Kurt," he smiles and Kurt smiles back before getting off of the couch and holding his hand, Blaine taking it after a brief moment and twining their fingers as they make their way to their shared bedroom.

000

It's peaceful afterward, Blaine thinks with a tiny smile. He's lying on Kurt's chest, sweat cooling on their bodies in the pleasant air of the room, and feeling a lightness in his heart that he hasn't felt in years.

"Mm," Kurt stretches, body flexing gently under Blaine's as he yawns and settles down again. "That was nice."

"Yeah," Blaine says, idly rubbing his thumb over one of Kurt's pink, peaked nipples as Kurt shivers pleasurably. It's a simple action, intimate without being arousing, and Kurt rests a hand on his back and strokes his skin softly. "Remember when I said I wished we could go back?"

"And I told you we couldn't," Kurt replies after a moment's pause. "You're not my teenage dream anymore, Blaine," he teases and Blaine laughs and ducks his head to press a kiss against Kurt's collar.

"Oh, trust me, I know," Blaine nods. "But I just meant…if it can be like this? I don't need to go back. I like where we are just fine."

And Kurt gives him a sweet, sad smile that's in equal measures heartbreaking and yet happy, and he twines his fingers gently with Blaine's and nods. "So do I. This…"

"We can make it," Blaine says immediately. "And one day…well, you said married by thirty, right?" he grins and Kurt sighs good-naturedly and swats at his hair, fingers stilling there a moment later as he just stares at Blaine.

"Mm-hmm," he agrees vaguely, staring at their joined hands, and eventually he just closes his eyes and snuggles closer, nose pressed under Blaine's jaw. "Is that a promise?"

"That's a promise," Blaine swears, because after everything…the alcohol and the cold, hard truth that he'd been only a few drops away from being dead…he knows that he wants to live, to wake up to Kurt every day and spend his life with this beautiful, beautiful man by his side.

"Good," Kurt reaches up to kiss him again, deeper, and Blaine sighs into his mouth and lets him take it over, raising their clasped hands above his head and just relishing the moment. Everything seems so simple now, and the gut-clenching fear that had driven him to drink, the guilt that made him pour everything evil into his system in some horribly backwards effort to cleanse it seems so far away and he hopes that it always stays that way.

No, he _knows _it will, because Kurt's not going to let him sink that low again, and he won't let _himself _sink that low without telling Kurt. He knows now that Kurt's not going to leave him over something like that, and the knowledge is comforting.

Kurt's mouth is still lightly pressed to his, eyelids fluttering with obvious exhaustion and Blaine kisses the tip of Kurt's nose and tucks him close again, closing his own eyes and preparing to sleep.

There's a creak of a loose floorboard and Finn's creeping in, obviously trying to be quiet but Kurt sighs and opens his eyes, rolling them a little at Finn's failed attempt at silence.

"Finn, you are not fooling anybody. Get in here," he says firmly and there's a tiny squeak from Finn's throat before he's clomping around the bed, all attempts at being graceful forgotten as he slides in behind Blaine and snuggles close, arms wrapped around his waist.

"Hey, dudes. Can I sleep here?"

"I already told you to get into the bed, and since you don't seem inclined to move, I'm guessing you're sleeping here regardless," Kurt's words are biting but his tone is fond, and when he cracks his eyes open Blaine can see the love there and it makes him smile.

Maybe at one point this would have made him extremely jealous, but he knows he has Kurt, and he knows that Kurt loves him just as much, if in a slightly different way.

"Yeah. It's comfier than mine."

"That's because you were content to buy whatever mattress was the cheapest while I actually did research," Kurt snarks back and Finn shifts a little against Blaine's back, doing something that has Kurt snorting. "That's mature. If you're going to stick that out put it to good use."

"Kay," Finn shrugs and the next thing Blaine knows Finn's dragging his tongue along the shorter man's shoulder, up along his neck and kissing the skin there.

"Finn…" Blaine's not sure what tone he's supposed to be using but he can feel Finn smile against his skin before he pulls back. "No, you don't…have to stop."

"Cool," Finn pauses for a split second before diving in again, mouth hot against Blaine's flesh, and Blaine lets himself relax even farther under the gentle touches.

Kurt's meeting his eyes again, fingers still not letting go of his, and Blaine has to admit that he's gotten almost used to sleeping with two other people in the bed. He feels safe and happy, and those are two things that as of late haven't been a big part of his life.

But, he thinks as he leans in to kiss Kurt once more, that looks like it's going to change.

And he can't be happier about it.

**Notes:**

**1. **This fic is drawing to its close! I'm thinking one more chapter and then an epilogue, so we'll see how that goes and I'll try to get them out faster than I have been. I apologize for the horrible wait on this one.

**2. **Self-promotion time! I've made a side tumblr blog that's entirely devoted to Klaine/CrissColfer and the like because, well, being a Kinn and Klaine shipper doesn't really work on one blog, as I've found. So my main blog, for anybody who doesn't know, is kind of a mix of everything and is currently at chris-and-cory(.)tumblr(.)com, and my Klaine blog is kurtbowtieletitsnow(.)tumblr(.)com Yes, the name came from one of those 'generate your Klaine username' things, and I kind of liked it :)

**3. **Thanks again for all of the comments/reviews on this fic, and let me know what you thought!


	20. Chapter Nineteen

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> NC-17 for this chapter  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 19/20  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 1956  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Nineteen**

Finn doesn't know why they need him home early, but he comes back from the gym, body still gleaming with sweat that cools quickly in the brisk air, and pushes his way into the condo to find it dark.

"Dudes?" he calls, wondering if maybe he'd heard the time wrong or something. "Kurt? Blaine?"

"Hey," Blaine comes out of the washroom, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped low around his hips, curls still shower-damp and arms crossed over his chest. "You're all sweaty. Kurt will kill you if you come into the bedroom like that."

"Dude, isn't the point of…whatever we're doing just gonna get me sweaty anyway?" Finn's figured out what's going on by now and his flippant tone is just to cover the fact that his heart is pounding in his chest.

"It's different to him. Don't ask," Blaine rolls his eyes and Finn has to grin because yeah, it's just a Kurt-thing. "Anyway, shower and meet us in the bedroom, okay?" he moves closer, arm hooking around Finn's neck as he draws him down into a rather dirty, wanting kiss.

Finn tries to grab hold of him but Blaine slips away, nearly losing his towel in the process as he shakes his head warningly. "Not until you're clean, Finn. And don't take too long, I think Kurt's liable to start without you if you do."

That more than anything gets Finn moving and he showers in record time, scrubbing a towel through his hair to dry it just enough that it won't make the sheets wet before he's darting across the condo naked and pushing his way into Kurt and Blaine's room.

"Finally," Kurt breaks away from where he's kissing Blaine, both of them naked but so far it doesn't look like anything else is going on. "Get over here."

"What's going on?" Finn asks hesitantly, although he takes Kurt's hand when it's offered, letting the shorter man draw him down onto the blankets and into a sweet kiss.

"Blaine and I…we want to show you something. We know that you've been…unsure about your place in this relationship, but we need you to know how much we love you and want you to be a part of this for as long as you're willing," Kurt murmurs against his lips and Finn thinks he'll do pretty much _anything _with the other man kissing him like that. "So we're all going to have a little fun. Together."

"Like a threesome?" Finn's starting to catch on and the idea is more than appealing, making a pleasant burning start to curl in his gut as he watches Kurt's face.

"Exactly," Kurt assures him, surging up to press his lips to Finn's again, and he breaks the kiss after a moment to tug Finn closer, hands spread over his back as he whispers into his ear, "I was thinking…him inside me and you inside him? Would that work?"

"Dude, you want me to come right now?" Finn shivers and he can feel Kurt smile against his neck, kissing a spot right below his ear before pulling away. "Yes. God. Yes."

"Good," Kurt smiles and pulls him back on top of him, wrapping his legs around Finn's waist and pressing their cocks together for a moment before crawling away. "So we should do that before any of us get too aroused."

"Yeah, probably," Finn laughs, hearing a drawer close and looking over to where Blaine's shaking the bottle of lube, smiling and Finn wonders how he ever could have thought he was just some body to them. He knows they love him…maybe not the same way they love each other, but it's love and it's true and it's more than enough.

Blaine's slicking up his fingers, getting Kurt to lie on his back as he leans over him and reaches down, sliding one in with ease and Kurt licks his lips and pushes against the touch, Finn watching them for a few moments because they're so in-sync it's beautiful to observe, the way Blaine seems to know what every twitch and sound Kurt makes means, and he's so lost in them he starts when Blaine reaches back to pass the lube to him.

"Oh! Right!"

"You seem distracted," Kurt notes, face starting to flush as he props himself up on his elbows and rocks against Blaine's fingers. "Mm, baby, that's good."

"Sorry, just…you guys are really hot, y'know?" Finn blushes and grabs the lube before coating his own fingers and resting his hand on Blaine's back, the other man spreading his legs and raising his hips instinctively so Finn can more easily prepare him. "Good?"

"Finn, after the way we've done this before? Yes," Blaine promises, eyes fluttering shut in bliss and Finn can see how it would be kinda awesome to have it done to yourself while you were doing it to somebody else, especially somebody as beautiful as Kurt. Not that he's ready to have somebody's cock up his ass or anything, but maybe one day, if things keep going the way they are…

"I'm good," Kurt says a few moments later and Blaine slides out his fingers slowly, hand swiping across Kurt's stomach and leaving glittering trails of lube as he kisses the man beneath him and Kurt sighs and licks into his mouth.

It's obscenely hot, seeing them like this, and Finn almost feels like he should leave before Kurt nudges him with his foot, eyes telling him to stay present.

"Whenever you're ready," Blaine says, looking over his shoulder and straining back as Finn surges forward instinctively to kiss him, holding him steady for a moment. "I think I should…with Kurt first, and then you can…"

"Okay," Finn pulls back enough so that Blaine and Kurt can get settled and they're so, _so _in unison, Blaine sliding into Kurt's body without the slightest bit of resistance as Kurt whines a little legs splayed out until Finn moves closer and they're so damn long he's got them nearly wrapped around Finn as well, connecting them all while Finn lines himself up and pushes in, Blaine tipping his head back and murmuring appreciatively at the kiss Finn drops onto his shoulder.

"I…give me a minute," Blaine gasps out and Finn can feel his body trembling, meeting Kurt's eyes as the other man strokes Blaine's cheek. "This is just…it's so…"

"It must feel amazing," Kurt murmurs, voice throaty and lust-deep, and Finn hooks his chin over Blaine's shoulder as Kurt presses up to kiss him, both of them moaning at the slide as Blaine whimpers between them. "You set the pace, baby, okay? We'll move with you."

Blaine shivers a little, rocking his hips slightly and gasping and Finn can't even imagine what it would feel like, but since Blaine seems completely overwhelmed he's guessing it's something indescribable. "Dude, you okay?" he asks softly and Blaine finally nods, rocking forward a little as Finn's hands move to his hips to hold him in place.

Kurt smiles at him, meeting his eyes and Finn rather likes this position because he's big enough that he can still watch Kurt even if he's not the one inside of him, and Blaine's warm and solid under him and he drops his nose to nuzzle the back of Blaine's neck, trying to show him that everything's okay.

"I'm good," Blaine finally rasps out, and it sounds like it's an effort to just speak, like his mind is so full of other things that he can't quite concentrate on forming words. "I…"

"You have to move," Kurt rasps, legs tightening around them as his head falls back. "You have to…"

Blaine nods and rocks his hips forward, pulling back after a shallow thrust and Kurt gasps and clings to them, fingers digging into Finn's shoulders and it almost feels like they're pressed together even though Blaine's between them, the three of them having gone through so much up until this moment that being connected like this is nearly a relief.

Finn quickly realizes that he can't move, because if he tries to thrust he'll throw off their rhythm and he has to let Blaine do all of the rocking, pushing himself back onto Finn's cock before shoving forward and it's awkward and ungainly but it _works _(kinda like them, Finn thinks with a smile) and once Blaine adjusts to it things go rather smoothly.

Finn keeps his head dropped over the smaller man's shoulder, hands firm on his hips as he shifts his body back and forth, and Kurt hoists himself up as best he can to sloppily meet Finn's lips, barely a kiss before he's throwing his head back and writing, hands clawing at Finn's shoulders and _God, _Kurt in the throes of ecstasy is hands-down one of the most beautiful things Finn knows he'll ever see.

Blaine's body is nearly shaking by now, olive skin covered by a thin sheen of sweat and Finn clamps an arm around his chest as he stops rocking back and just concentrates on Kurt, something Finn's more than okay with because he knows Blaine's close.

He can feel when Blaine comes, his muscles clenching around Finn's cock nearly his own undoing as well, but Kurt moans and tilts his head back, scrambling away as Blaine slides out and looks back at Finn, craning his neck back for a kiss before Finn starts to move, everything familiar now with Blaine but it doesn't take him long to orgasm, gasping as it floods through his body and he slumps over Blaine's back, feeling him shuffled forward and moving with him.

Finn raises his eyes at Kurt's gasp, seeing Blaine swallowing down Kurt's cock and Kurt tangles his fingers in Blaine's curls and bucking up into his mouth for a few sharp thrusts before he's crying out, entire body stiffening and back arching impossibly far, toes curling as he comes and Finn almost feels himself getting hard again just _seeing _that.

Blaine pulls off with a gasp, looking utterly wrecked, and Finn moves back until he's out, and Blaine collapses onto the bed and starts to laugh almost hysterically, but it sets all of them off and it's kinda weird, three of them naked and giggling on a bed but…

"You were amazing," Kurt sighs, still petting Blaine's curls. "Both of you. That was…"

"Thanks, dudes," Finn finally finds his voice, swallowing and not sure why he's saying what he is but he _needs _to. "I mean, you didn't have to include me, but…"

"Don't be stupid, of course we did," Blaine flops onto his back, closing his eyes and sighing. "And I think we need to move bedrooms. This is a mess."

"I'll clean it tomorrow," Kurt's voice is low and hoarse with exhaustion and they barely have the energy to make it across the condo to clean up and fall into bed, all of them wrapping around each other and Finn's rarely felt more safe or loved.

"Finn," Blaine says and Finn meets his eyes, leaning in for a soft kiss. "Kurt and I just…want you to know that you're a part of this. With us. For as long as you want to."

"Forever if you want to," Kurt adds in a quiet voice like he thinks that Finn's going to say 'no,' but how can he? He's never felt anything like what he feels for Kurt and Blaine, and even though they might be the real 'couple,' that doesn't mean Finn's any less important to them.

"Okay," he says with a smile, hoping that conveys everything, and from the way Kurt kisses him desperately it most certainly does.

He falls asleep with a smile on his face, thinking that for once, everything's turned out alright.

**Notes:**

**1. **I am *so sorry* about the wait on this. It just…wasn't working and finally, *finally* my smut muse woke up and let me write this.

**2. **Just an epilogue left, guys, but let me know how this was (if anybody's still reading…)


	21. Chapter Twenty

**Title:**Undisclosed Desires  
><strong>Author:<strong> AoiTsukikage  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R overall  
><strong>CharactersPairing:** Finn/Kurt/Blaine, in all combinations.  
><strong>Chapter:<strong> 20/20  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 977/ **Total Word Count: **43, 579  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Let's say everything to be safe :)  
><strong>SummaryWarnings:** From a tumblr prompt. Blaine and Kurt are both having secret affairs with Finn while trying to keep their own relationship from falling apart. But not everything is as simple as it seems, and nothing can stay secret for long.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. I wish it were, but if it were Glee would devolve into some giant orgy and that would be horribly unproductive in the end…

**Undisclosed Desires**

**Chapter Twenty**

"You look happy," Rachel says the next day when they're out for coffee, and Kurt shifts and tries not to wince at the rather delicious ache in his lower body even though he knows Rachel's spotted it already. "You _are _happy," she says, sounding surprised. "Tell me everything!"

"We worked it out," Kurt replies evasively. Yes, Rachel's figured out everything, but he's still not sure she wants to hear 'your ex-boyfriend was inside of my boyfriend while he was inside of me' because that just is awkward no matter how you put it. "That's just…we're good."

"And happy," she presses, reaching to grasp his hand as Kurt can do nothing but nod.

"And happy. Finn's…"

"You can talk about him, you know," Rachel says kindly, as if she's reading Kurt's mind. "He and I…our relationship ran its course. It happens. All I'm worried about is whether he's happy."

"He is," Kurt assures her, because last night was nothing if not wonderful and the way they'd snuggled in bed afterward, Finn for once with no trace of fear in his eyes that Kurt and Blaine were somehow playing a cruel trick on him, was more telling than anything else. "I think, after everything, he really is."

"Good," she beams at him and Kurt once again marvels at how far they've come. This was the girl that, less than five years ago, was telling him he'd never have Finn because he's a boy and that she would.

And he's not gloating that he 'has' him, of course not, but maybe…just maybe…he's feeling a bit of satisfaction that he's finally one-upped Rachel Berry.

Right now, life is good.

That's all he can ask for, after all.

000

"Stop apologizing," Jade says harshly, Finn looking up to meet her eyes briefly before once again becoming engrossed in the grooves running through the wooden tabletop. "You were faithful to me, and you told me the truth when I asked you. There's nothing dishonorable about that…"

"But I was using you…"

"You weren't Finn. You gave yourself a chance to love me and realized you loved them more. It happens. People move on," she looks pretty unconcerned and Finn decides to believe her, because he knows she'll just push the topic until he does otherwise. "You're a good man, with a good conscience, and that's hard to find."

"Yeah. Maybe," he shrugs, still not willing to believe _that. _He's done some pretty crappy things to the people he loves and he can't take them back. But last night…

Last night was incredible. He really believed, pretty much for the first time, that Kurt and Blaine _did _love him and _are _doing this because they want to and not just because they're taking pity on him. He feels loved, and happy, and that's the best feeling in the world.

"Finn?"

"Yeah?"

"I've never seen you this happy. When you were with me there was always something…some sort of sadness that told me not everything was okay, but you look content. It's a good look on you," Jade reaches across the table to take his hand and Finn lets her, finally giving her the purest smile he ever has. "And I envy those boys, honestly. You're both handsome _and _good in bed."

Finn has to laugh at that because Jade's blunt, certainly, but she's told him things he's needed to hear and he appreciates that more than she'll ever know.

"But just because you've made inner peace with yourself doesn't mean you can waltz out of my life, mister," she warns. "I expect full updates."

"Yeah. You're awesome," Finn says, because it's true, and she just pats his hand again.

He's lucky he found her

000

"So when you tell the story of 'how your three daddies' got together to your super-cute children you'd better say I was the one that gave you the idea," Sam breaks into his normal dazzling grin after he says this and Blaine has to snort, because yes, they owe Sam a lot.

"Hey, your idea _almost _didn't work," Blaine reminds him.

They're sitting in the coffee shop across from Sam's place once more, and Blaine finds he's been coming here more and more often to talk and he regrets that he and Sam weren't closer back in high school because they really do get along remarkably well.

"But it did. And that's the important part," Sam gets up and stretches, taking his to-go cup and heading for the door as Blaine follows.

It's a nice day, pleasantly warm with just a hint of a breeze, and Sam slings an arm across his shoulders as they make their way down the block.

"You're happy, though? All of you? You guys are some of my best friends, and Finn and Kurt took me in when they didn't have to back when I moved back to Lima, so I care about you guys," Sam remarks, genuine concern in his tone.

"Yes. We are," Blaine replies, because it's true: he doesn't remember ever being happier…well, maybe when he and Kurt were first experiencing the joys of young love, but in recent years…

He doesn't want to drink anymore, and he no longer feels the need to use sex as a sort of punishment, so both of those are huge improvements all on their own.

"Good," Sam pulls him a little closer into an awkward, one-sided hug and Blaine's glad that the other man _did _find a way to save their strange relationship in the end.

Because yes, it's strange, and it's unconventional and people will probably frown on it.

But it's good.

And as he walks down the street, the sun in his hair and with a good cup of coffee in his hand and a good friend by his side, he thinks that maybe this is the beginning of something truly wonderful.

**End**

**Notes:**

**1. **And we've reached the end! I apologize for all the delays and such in this fic but I went through some rough patches emotionally that affected my writing, so if you're still with me thank you, and I hope you enjoyed it! This is by far the angstiest thing I've written for Glee, at least in a chaptered fic, but I can't resist giving the boys their happy ending!

**2. **So now I can work more on the…oy…four other WIPs I have started. But if you're craving more Finn/Kurt/Blaine, remember that in canon right now they're all in Lima and Finn's single, so…I may get more inspiration over the summer to do some one-shots and the like.

**3. **Once again, thank you for reading, and let me know what you thought of the ending. Love you all :D Also, if you're reading this in fanfiction, I know there's been purges and such recently but all of my Glee-fic is up on my LiveJournal (aoitsukikage) or tumblr (colferisms is my main blog and kurtbowtieletitsnow is my Klaine/CrissColfer only blog) so you can always find me there should something happen here!


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